AITA for Loving Ex’s Parents Like Family, Despite Her Beggings to Stop?

In a quiet London pub, where laughter mingled with the clink of glasses, a 28-year-old man stared at his phone, heart heavy. His ex-partner’s text stung: stop contacting her parents. Years after their amicable split, he’d forged a deep bond with them—cycling, sharing Boxing Day dinners, and driving them to hospital visits. They were the family he never had.

Her wedding loomed, and she wanted him gone to ease her fiancé’s unease. Torn between cherished ties and her request, he faced a gut-wrenching choice. Could he let go of his surrogate family? Readers, dive into this tale of loyalty and heartbreak.

‘AITA for Loving Ex’s Parents Like Family, Despite Her Beggings to Stop?’

Me and my ex partner dated a few years back and while we never worked out, largely due to just wanting different things, we split amicably and do talk sometimes but we aren't friends. While we were dating her parents became very close to me. Over the years I've constantly been around for them, helped them move, often go for drinks or auctions with my exes dad and sometimes dinner with her mum,

Me and my ex partner dated a few years back and while we never worked out, largely due to just wanting different things, we split amicably and do talk sometimes but we aren't friends. While we were dating her parents became very close to me. Over the years I've constantly been around for them, helped them move, often go for drinks or auctions with my exes dad and sometimes dinner with her mum,

as I drive I was often the person that took my exes mum and dad to hospital appointments while he was off work from a severe spinal injury, even stayed over to help cook and clean during that time, as my ex was studying in Malaysia at the time and could not make it back home due to covid travel restrictions (UK based, and it was very difficult at the time).

as I drive I was often the person that took my exes mum and dad to hospital appointments while he was off work from a severe spinal injury, even stayed over to help cook and clean during that time, as my ex was studying in Malaysia at the time and could not make it back home due to covid travel restrictions (UK based, and it was very difficult at the time).

They essentially treat me like family and I treat them the same. We have a lot of similiar hobbies (cycling and triathlons specifically, I compete but they tend to just support it and join in when I train as they are/were both huge on cycling) When I vanish for a few days off apps or anything else they usually call or knock my apartment and check up to see if I'm okay,

They essentially treat me like family and I treat them the same. We have a lot of similiar hobbies (cycling and triathlons specifically, I compete but they tend to just support it and join in when I train as they are/were both huge on cycling) When I vanish for a few days off apps or anything else they usually call or knock my apartment and check up to see if I'm okay,

they genuinely do care for me and I do the same back, as I didn't grow up with much of a caring family life it's something that means a great deal to me. They even had a second Christmas dinner on boxing day recently just so they could invite me seperate to my ex, as we don't get along very well and it is often awkward as you'd imagine.

they genuinely do care for me and I do the same back, as I didn't grow up with much of a caring family life it's something that means a great deal to me. They even had a second Christmas dinner on boxing day recently just so they could invite me seperate to my ex, as we don't get along very well and it is often awkward as you'd imagine.

It's something to me that has become seperate of my ex partner and I've moved on from her and she has from me, we're both happier apart, I've had other partners since with my exes parents even asking and showing support and giving me advice regarding it. I understand how it can sound one sided when I bring up my family life as well as only hearing my side of this, but they've genuinely become like family to me.

It's something to me that has become seperate of my ex partner and I've moved on from her and she has from me, we're both happier apart, I've had other partners since with my exes parents even asking and showing support and giving me advice regarding it. I understand how it can sound one sided when I bring up my family life as well as only hearing my side of this, but they've genuinely become like family to me.

Recently my ex partner came to visit me to tell me she's getting married and if I'd stop contact with her parents as she doesn't want it to be awkward with her new partner, as her parents don't seem to take much interest in him as they do/did with me, as much as I'd wish the best for her it's truly left me heartbroken that she wanted me to cut off contact with people that I love as family and I feel loved by.

Recently my ex partner came to visit me to tell me she's getting married and if I'd stop contact with her parents as she doesn't want it to be awkward with her new partner, as her parents don't seem to take much interest in him as they do/did with me, as much as I'd wish the best for her it's truly left me heartbroken that she wanted me to cut off contact with people that I love as family and I feel loved by.

I explained it isn't as easy as just cutting them out of my life which just caused an argument and she left. I'm really lost on what to do here and feel the situation is being placed on me entirely, if someone has advice I'd genuinely appreciate it.. ​

I explained it isn't as easy as just cutting them out of my life which just caused an argument and she left. I'm really lost on what to do here and feel the situation is being placed on me entirely, if someone has advice I'd genuinely appreciate it.. ​

Edit/update: I read a lot of the comments throughout the day and getting a third party opinion on the matter has been very helpful for me and I'm extremely grateful to hear people's advice. One comment that stuck out to me is that she may have approached me first instead of giving her parents an ultimatum,

Edit/update: I read a lot of the comments throughout the day and getting a third party opinion on the matter has been very helpful for me and I'm extremely grateful to hear people's advice. One comment that stuck out to me is that she may have approached me first instead of giving her parents an ultimatum,

so I chose not to contact her parents regarding her visiting incase this was what's happened as it would likely cause issues for her and them, that's not something I want for anyone. I messaged her at dinner time that I think she's right and that while it's very difficult for me to cut off contact, I will let her parents know that I've learned she is getting married

so I chose not to contact her parents regarding her visiting incase this was what's happened as it would likely cause issues for her and them, that's not something I want for anyone. I messaged her at dinner time that I think she's right and that while it's very difficult for me to cut off contact, I will let her parents know that I've learned she is getting married

and that it may be better for me to distance myself a little so that she and her soon to be husband have a chance to be part of the family and that me being in the picture would likely make this difficult. She replied around an hour ago and agreed with me that is the best way to approach this as she does understand that her parents are close with me.

and that it may be better for me to distance myself a little so that she and her soon to be husband have a chance to be part of the family and that me being in the picture would likely make this difficult. She replied around an hour ago and agreed with me that is the best way to approach this as she does understand that her parents are close with me.

Navigating post-breakup ties with an ex’s family can feel like walking a tightrope over a family reunion. For this man, his ex’s parents became a surrogate family, but her request to cut contact highlights a delicate boundary issue. Both sides have valid feelings: he cherishes their genuine bond, while she seeks a fresh start for her fiancé. The tension lies in competing priorities—his emotional security versus her family’s harmony.

This situation reflects a broader issue: how do we handle lingering connections after a breakup? According to a 2019 study in Family Relations (https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12385), maintaining ties with an ex’s family is common when relationships end amicably, but it can complicate new partnerships. Here, the ex’s parents’ preference for him may unintentionally alienate her fiancé, creating a subtle loyalty divide.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy boundaries in families require clear communication and mutual respect for new relationships” (https://www.gottman.com/blog/setting-boundaries-with-in-laws/). Applied here, the parents’ enthusiasm for their daughter’s ex might signal unresolved hopes, hindering their bond with her fiancé. The man’s deep attachment, while heartfelt, risks overshadowing her new family dynamic.

For solutions, open dialogue is key. He did well to avoid escalating by not confronting her parents directly. Instead, he could gently explain his decision to step back, framing it as support for her marriage. For her, discussing her fiancé’s integration with her parents could address their apparent disinterest. Both parties should prioritize empathy—him for her new life, her for his loss.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of empathy and tough love. Here’s a peek at their candid takes:

Goldenmoons − My husband had parents like this. Extremely friendly with his ex to the point it made me uncomfortable, so I refuse to join them for holidays. And my husband did not want to spend holidays apart. After a few Christmases without their son, they decided it was best if they no longer had such an intense relationship with his ex.

Fast_Philosophy_5308 − Everybody in this situation is an adult, and adults can make their own decisions regarding who they keep in their company. I wonder if she ONLY came to you, and not to her own parents, with this demand.

Go talk to her parents. They are your friends, and they are her parents. You have no relationship with their daughter any more, but they do, and I would assume they want to keep it intact. This is something that should be between her and her parents, not between her and you.

eatpaste − i was friends with my ex's mom in so many ways totally separate from him in my 20s. as the years went on, we talked less and less as i actually fully disconnected from her son. do i miss her? yes. do i realize it wasn't as separated as either of us said? yes.

Environmental-Age502 − I've gotta just be blunt. But I'd *really* resent an ex who became bffs with my parents after a split, even if we remained amicable. However, I'd probably be angrier with my parents, considering they're choosing to prefer you and not bond with the person she's chosen to spend her life with.

There's many possibilities here, about why she's choosing to come to you instead of her parents with this, but it doesn't really change that this isn't something she should even *need* to ask any of you guys. Yeah, I dunno, I think keeping contact and building on it is super weird, and I think it's time to let it go.

You and your ex clearly aren't in a position where this is fair to her....time to *actually* break up already. ETA guys, the comments I'm getting here...good grief. There's *paragraphs* in the OP for you to comment on. Stop adding in details that weren't in the post. Just...it's really not hard to just read the post, and not decide to add your own story elements to it.

Mother_Tradition_774 − I see both sides of this. It sounds like your friendship with her parents is inadvertently interfering with her fiancé’s ability to bond with his future in laws. They might subconsciously wish that she had married you instead and that feeling is keeping them from fully embracing her new partner. I realize you care about these people dearly, but do you really want to be perceived as the son in law who got away?

Maybe instead of cutting off contact, you could make them aware that you’ve been informed that the way they behave towards their daughter’s fiancé is deeply affecting her. Don’t throw her under the bus by revealing what she asked you to do. Just tell them that she’s upset and since you want her to be happy and vice versa, you felt obligated to say something.

the_elon_mask − Imagine you break up with someone but then learn they're round at your parents all the time, having Christmas meals, he's driving them to hospital and going on bike rides.. And you're powerless to stop this dude from having this relationship with your own parents..

Sounds like the premise of a Netflix drama called 'He won't f**king leave'. I know it sounds harsh but you and her parents have crossed a boundary. No wonder her parents are having difficulty moving on and bonding with her fiancé.. She is 100% in the right to ask you to stop seeing _her parents_.

Due_Entertainment_44 − You should have stopped this relationship with your ex's parents when you broke up. This is crossing boundaries and against social norms. If your ex is about to be married and you're basically best friends with her parents against her wishes, it keeps you tied into the family and puts her and her husband in an uncomfortable situation.

You're not the only one in the wrong here. Her parents are dicks too for keeping this relationship with you going. Back the hell off. Stop being so self-absorbed. I adored my ex's mother but cutting contact is part of the process - and the respectful thing to do. You are NOT their son or their son in law, so stop being the weird creepy ex who won't stop orbiting.

SloshingSloth − If was in your exes position if wonder why my parents love my ex more than me because the moment I break up I want my ex gone from my live. Amicable or not. The way you stayed in their life is maybe meant well but I feel you also just love causing trouble for her. Imagine she had stayed in your parents life and your new wife would never be accepted as she was.

helendestroy − They even had a second Christmas dinner on boxing day recently just so they could invite me. Her parents realy hate her, huh?

milo_potato − I'm in agreement with your ex. Put yourself in her fiances shoes. They had a whole separate dinner for you! meanwhile their relationship isnt progressing and he's the one about to be her husband . Imagine they want kids? Access to her parents is a perk of dating her. You're not dating her.

Imagine she still wanted access to your wallet cause grew up with very little and has gotten attached to the lifestyle and it's made her a better person. Your wallet was always there to comfort her when she was down. Lol, you get the point . Somethings are a package deal of dating someone and once you're over you shouldn't still reap the rewards especially if it affects the new partner.

These opinions spark a question: do Reddit’s hot takes mirror real-world solutions, or are they just armchair quarterbacking?

This tale leaves us pondering where loyalty lies when love fades but family ties linger. The man’s choice to step back shows maturity, but the heartbreak of losing his surrogate parents lingers like a bittersweet melody. What would you do if asked to cut off people who feel like family? Have you ever navigated tricky post-breakup boundaries? Share your stories and wisdom below—let’s unpack this together.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *