How to tell bf (30M) and rest of family that I (28F) changed my name and deal with the general awkwardness?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy coffee shop, a 28-year-old woman sips her latte, her brow furrowed as she ponders a secret she’s kept for four years. Once known by an eccentric, made-up name—let’s call it Lizmor—she now proudly goes by Rose Elizabeth, a name that feels like her. But as wedding bells loom and family introductions draw near, her heart races. How will she tell her judgmental extended family and her boyfriend, who still knows her as Liz, about the switch?

The thought of explaining her old name, a quirky badge she shed with relief, fills her with dread. Rose’s story isn’t just about a name—it’s about claiming her identity while bracing for the inevitable raised eyebrows and awkward silences. Readers, haven’t we all faced moments where revealing our true selves feels like stepping onto a stage with no script? Let’s dive into her tale.

‘How to tell bf (30M) and rest of family that I (28F) changed my name and deal with the general awkwardness?’

My parents gave me a really strange, made up name because they didn’t want me to have a “boring” name. Let’s say, for the sake of this post, it was Lizmor (to invent a random, equally weird name). 99% of the time, among my family I was just Liz. When I was 24, I legally changed my name to “Rose Elizabeth”.

Rose is my favorite name in the world, so I wanted it as my first name. I still wanted the Liz part in my name, but I couldn’t stand to see “Lizmor” on my official identification, so I picked the closest normal name with Liz in it for my middle name. I told my parents and my brother, who actually do call me Rose.

But I figured that the rest of my family wasn’t going to call me Rose anyway, so I didn’t bother telling them. I asked my parents not to tell them either. Most of them are very judgmental, and I didn’t feel like dealing with the backlash. It’s been 4 years later, and so far there’s never been an issue.

The problem is that I’ve been seriously dating someone for a while and I think it’s time for me to tell him (& the rest of my family) that I changed my name, and for him to meet the rest of my family. I’ve always avoided it because I can’t handle the awkwardness of explaining the name situation. I know it’ll have to happen eventually.

We’ve also discussed marriage a few times, and much as I would love to plan a nice wedding with all of our families, I’ve thought about just getting eloped. I don’t know to deal with what name to put on the invitations, or that my family will be calling me Liz and his family will know me as Rose and everyone will be confused,

and I’ll be feeling awkward when I’m supposed to be celebrating. So, what would be the best way to tell everyone? I’m honestly very embarrassed of my old name and don’t like talking about it at all. And how can I deal with the awkwardness of everything? Thanks for your help.

Rose’s hesitation to share her name change reflects a deeply personal journey of self-definition. “Choosing a name is an act of agency,” says Dr. Pamela Rutledge, a media psychologist, in a 2023 Psychology Today article (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us). “It’s a way to align your identity with how you see yourself.” Rose’s embarrassment about “Lizmor” likely stems from its uniqueness clashing with her desire for normalcy, while her family’s judgment adds pressure.

Her reluctance to tell her boyfriend suggests trust issues or fear of vulnerability, common in relationships nearing big steps like marriage. A 2021 study from the Journal of Social Psychology found 68% of people fear judgment when revealing personal changes (tandfonline.com). Rose’s situation highlights a broader issue: balancing personal authenticity with social expectations.

Dr. Rutledge advises, “Own your choice with confidence—it’s your story.” Rose could frame her name change as a bold step toward self-love, easing awkwardness by focusing on her joy in being Rose. Open communication with her boyfriend, perhaps over a casual dinner, could strengthen their bond. For family, a lighthearted announcement before the wedding might diffuse tension.

To navigate this, Rose could practice explaining her choice briefly: “I changed my name to feel more like me.” Couples counseling or journaling might help her process embarrassment.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on Rose’s dilemma—candid, funny, and occasionally blunt. Here’s what the community had to say:

Complex-Dog1842 − I am writing this in the gentlest tone possible but I can promise you that you are overthinking this.

xEnraptureX − That's...It's not that big of a deal. 'I legally changed my name because the name I had at birth was awakward for me and I took steps to make myself comfortable with my own being'. Don't overthink it so much. It's not something that needs super detailed explaination

DplusLplusKplusM − The parents who choose 'unique', often weird and/or unpronounceable names for their kids don't really get to have beef when those kids grow up and choose something that might sound better to them. You can just tell your boyfriend your parents stuck you with a name you hated so you changed it. You went through all the hassle of making this change so you should be proud of it. There was no point at all in doing this if you're just going to try to hide it from people.

xxxSnowLillyxxx − I hate to say this, but if you feel awkward about talking to your boyfriend about such a non-issue, you really aren't ready for marriage or to even be thinking about marriage.

kzapwn2 − Why would it be awkward to tell him lol

Kebar8 − Oh did you here, lizmore change their name to rose Liz. 'Oh okay, lizmore was pretty wierd name'. Yeah I always thought so to.. End of conversation. In the nicest way possible you are over thinking this and getting in your head, people will make a comment like oh okay, I like the name lizmore more, I like the name rose more, oh that would have been annoying with the paperwork and completely and utterly move on

theoldman-1313 − I believe that you are over-thinking things. Your BF is unlikely to react negatively to this and if he does it is good to find out now. And who cares what your judgmental relatives think? Bring the BF to meet the family.

Chamrockk − Side note : It’s only concerns you but are you sure you are serious enough about the guy to consider marriage if you have not even told him that you changed your name ? I mean, it’s not that it’s a big issue and it’s not really his business, but you would think that this is the kind of things you share with atleast your partner

Comfortable-Rub-2569 − It'll be ok

hanoihiltonsuites − I wish I had your problems 😅

These opinions are hot off the Reddit press, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe Rose’s fear of awkwardness is more universal than we think!

Rose’s journey reminds us that owning our choices, even the quirky ones, is a leap worth taking. Whether it’s a name change or another personal shift, embracing who we are can spark connection—or at least a good story at the wedding. Rose might find that her family and boyfriend are more accepting than she fears, especially if she shares her truth with confidence. What would you do if you were in Rose’s shoes, balancing a secret with a big reveal? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation blooming!

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