Boyfriend (18M) is upset that my (18F) brother (26M) didn’t let him spend the night with me when I was very drunk and passed out.

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Step into a dimly lit apartment, where an 18-year-old woman wakes in her brother’s spare bedroom, hazy from a night of heavy drinking. Her new boyfriend, eager to stay by her side as she passed out, was sent packing by her protective 26-year-old brother, sparking a heated clash over boundaries and trust.

Now, her boyfriend demands apologies, while her brother bans him from future gatherings, leaving her torn between young love and family loyalty. Was her brother right to prioritize her safety, or is her boyfriend’s anger justified? Let’s dive into this Reddit drama, where a night of celebration turns into a battle over consent and respect.

‘Boyfriend (18M) is upset that my (18F) brother (26M) didn’t let him spend the night with me when I was very drunk and passed out.’

I’ve just turned 18 and can now legally drink where we live. So my brother invited me, my new boyfriend and a few friends and cousins over to hang out and maybe get drunk. I drank way more than I should have. People left one by one and I was only there with my brother and boyfriend, I don’t remember much except that I woke up in his spare bedroom in the morning and my boyfriend wasn’t there.

Apparently I passed out on the couch, brother took me to the bedroom to sleep, boyfriend wanted to spend the night there but my brother said no. My brother says he didn’t let him stay because he doesn’t know him and he didn’t know if we’ve been intimate, and I was completely incapacitated and couldn’t consent to s** or anything intimate. So he felt like it’s safer to not allow him spend the night there with me.

Boyfriend insisted that he didn’t want to have s**, just cuddling. He got confrontational with my brother and accused him of being controlling and said he has no right to decide if he can spend the night with me, which my brother told him “I can decide you’re not gonna spend another minute in my house”, boyfriend said he’ll leave but he’ll take me with him. Brother stood in his way and told him to either leave or deal with the police. Boyfriend left.

So here we are. My brother thinks I’m dating a complete i**ot and a**hole, my boyfriend thinks I have an a**hole controlling brother and I’ve spent the last two days regretting drinking that much. My own feeling is that it would have been okay if my boyfriend spent the night with me in the bed, but absolutely not okay to have s** (we haven’t had s** yet, dating for less than a month).

I understand why my brother acted in a protective way, I was drunk and letting a guy who is interested in me s**ually spend the night with me is just unnecessary risk.. I also understand my boyfriend’s disappointment, but he should have respected my brother in his own house.

So now my boyfriend has demanded an apology from my brother for being mistrusted and for interfering in his relationship, and my brother had banned him from future events and parties at his place for being an a**hole. My boyfriend would also like me to demand an apology on my own behalf from my brother for him acting the way he did, by assuming he can decide who I can or can’t spend the night with.

I’m in this mess, and I need to make this disappear if I am to have some peace and make everything normal again with my relationship and family. What do I say to my boyfriend? I think he needs to drop this and move on, and over time show to my family that his behaviour on the night wasn’t who he really is, to earn their trust.

TLDR: Brother didn’t let my boyfriend spend the night with me at his house when I was very drunk and incapacitated. They got confrontational and it ended up with my boyfriend being kicked out of the house. Boyfriend now demands an apology and I need a way to get him to drop it and move on.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Alcohol and new relationships can create volatile situations, and this brother’s decision to bar the boyfriend from staying with his incapacitated sister was a prudent call rooted in safety. The boyfriend’s insistence on staying—despite their brief dating history and her inability to consent—raises red flags, compounded by his confrontational reaction and demand to take her home.

Relationship therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Respecting boundaries, especially in vulnerable moments, is a cornerstone of trust” (The Dance of Anger). The brother’s protective stance, grounded in unfamiliarity with the boyfriend, aligns with ethical concerns about consent in intoxicated states.

This reflects a broader issue: young relationships often test boundaries, particularly when alcohol clouds judgment. A 2022 study in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that alcohol-related incidents increase risks of boundary violations in new relationships (Sage Journals). The boyfriend’s refusal to accept the brother’s reasoning, even days later, suggests entitlement and immaturity, as Reddit users noted. His demand for apologies—from both the woman and her brother—escalates the conflict, ignoring the valid safety concerns.

Dr. Lerner advises “clear communication to set expectations.” The woman could calmly explain to her boyfriend that her brother’s actions were about her safety, not mistrust, and ask him to respect her family’s boundaries. If he persists in demanding apologies or vilifying her brother, it may signal deeper issues with respect. She should also thank her brother for his care while discussing how to rebuild trust with her boyfriend over time. Her regret over drinking excessively offers a chance to set personal limits.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit rallied behind the brother, praising his vigilance and slamming the boyfriend’s behavior as a red flag. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take on this heated dispute.

TheGoverness1998 − Sounds like your bro made the right call, especially considering your BF's behavior.

WavesnMountains − The fact that your bf can't for 1 second understand your brother's rationale after the heat of the moment tells me that your brother was right about him.

erinlynn028 − I would of done the same if it was my little sister, even if he just wanted to cuddle. You were i**oxicated. There would be no way in hell I would let my little sisters new boyfriend who i barely knew stay in the same bed as my little sister.

Your brother had every right to respond the way he did to the situation. It was in his home. 'You don't get to decide wether I stay the night or not.' ??? It's my house, the AUDACITY. Throw the boyfriend away, get a new one. Give the brother a hug and a thank you card.

tdkerfuffle − Your boyfriend is a complete a**hole. He came to your brother’s house, drank his alcohol, had a good night, assumed he can spend the night in his house without permission and then disrespected him. You’re only 18, were drunk and passed out, this is a new boyfriend who hasn’t earned the trust of your family. This is 100% big brother territory to tell him to get lost.. I would break up over his behavior.

NocturnalCoder − I understand you are in the middle of this but sounds to me your brother was just taking care of you. He doesn't know your boyfriend and your intimacy level so he took a decission. By the reaction of your boyfriend, a good one at that since he is acting rather immature. Demanding an apology is nonsense. People apologize when they are/feel wrong. Your brother wasn't wrong and well within his right to do what he did.

As to what to say: your boyfriend is the one demanding things here and is old enough to talk to your bother all by himself. Maybe now the alcohol is out, he can have an adult conversation instead of getting confrontational in someone's own home. And yeah, your boyfriend sounds a bit of a d**che. 'No s**, I just want to cuddle a bit with my passed out girlfriend' is a red flag in my book.

GingerBakersDozen − I love your brother. I LOVE YOUR BROTHER. I'm a 36 year old woman and I'm telling you right now, your brother is a champ and your boyfriend is a chump. If your boyfriend can't appreciate that your brother was looking out for your best interest, he's not a good person. You are getting to see that now. I would drop the boyfriend now because this is a big effing deal. Your brother? He's a CHAMP.

agirlhasnoscreenname − Your brother 100% made the right call. Your boyfriend is being a creep by making such a huge deal about not being able to “cuddle” (coughdaterapecough) you while you were completely blitzed.. D**p the boyfriend. Thank the brother.

Alpe360 − Wow, if this happened to me I would d**p my bf, this is not ok. I don’t understand what makes him think he is entitled to sleep at your brothers house, with you, while you’re drunk and passed out. Your brother protected you, and I don’t think your bf had good intentions. Even if he wasn’t going to do anything to you, there is something wrong with him like he feels you belong to him but not in a healthy way.

If you were married and living together then I’d say your brother was out of line, but in this case he is not and your bf is wrong and doesn’t deserve an apology. He should be apologizing to you and your brother and you should d**p him. This is a huge red flag and things will eventually get worse

sulkowskyi − How on earth could your boyfriend demand an apology from your brother? To me there is an underlying issue bigger than this exact situation. Your boyfriend should under any circumstances understand why women (and sometimes men too but less frequently) need to be protected in these kind of situations. If his intentions truely would have been good, he would have been on the same side as your brother (maybe not in the moment, but at least when he sobered up)

and he would have understood what made your brother make this decision (not knowing each other, dating for only a short period) and not make an even bigger deal out of it. You should do whatever your heart tells you, but your brother has showed you how much of a hero he really is and your boyfriend just acts like an entitled child. And I know what I'd value more in my life.

RyotsGurl − Your brother was awesome. The fact that your boyfriend is getting this upset after hearing the reasons why he wasn’t allowed, that’s a problem.

These Reddit reactions are fiery, but do they capture the full story? Perhaps the boyfriend’s youth fueled his reckless response, or the brother’s firm stance saved a risky night.

This tale of a drunken night and a brother’s stand raises a critical question: when does protection trump a partner’s feelings? The woman’s caught not just between two men, but between her safety and her budding romance. Relationships thrive on respect—for boundaries, homes, and vulnerability. If you were in her shoes, would you push your boyfriend to move on or side with your family’s caution? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this intense Reddit saga!

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