I (F22) am giving my baby up for adoption and my ex (M34) & his family are making my life miserable. They want me to keep it. What do I do?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet college dorm, a young woman stares at her phone, heart pounding as another angry message from her ex’s family lights up the screen. At 22, she’s made the gut-wrenching choice to give her unborn child up for adoption, a decision born from courage after escaping a toxic relationship. The weight of her ex’s demands—to abandon her studies and embrace motherhood—hangs heavy, while his family’s relentless harassment threatens to drown her resolve.

Yet, amidst the chaos, she clings to her dreams, yearning for a future unburdened by a past she fought to leave behind. Readers feel her exhaustion, her fear, but also her quiet strength. How does one stand firm when the world screams to conform? Her story unfolds as a raw, emotional journey, sparking questions about autonomy, pressure, and the right to choose one’s path.

‘I (F22) am giving my baby up for adoption and my ex (M34) & his family are making my life miserable. They want me to keep it. What do I do?’

My Bf (M34) and I were together for almost three years, but it wasn’t a good relationship. It got very bad & I finally found the courage to leave him a few months ago. Of course afterwards I found out I was pregnant… We didn’t plan this & always used condoms. I really don’t want kids, either.

And am definitely not in a situation to have one right now, so for me the decision to give the baby up was made quickly (though with a lot of thought. I’m not saying this is easy). My ex & his family however hate me for it. I told them if they want to keep it, they can. But I won’t be involved, unless it’s like child support or something.

(Though I’m still studying & work part time, so it’s not a lot.) But that’s not enough. My ex wants us to get back together and be a family, his parents want me to keep their grandbaby and raise it. They want me to stop my studies & focus on being a mom. Neither him or his parents are in a good place to raise a baby either, so that’s why they need me.

They call me a monster, and so much worse. I’m exhausted & don’t know what to do with it. If I block them, I get visits, telling me I can’t just cut them off when I’m carrying their child/grandchild/so on. Other family members get involved. I got blasted on facebook, though I wanted to keep this situation as private as possible. I’m so tired. I just want all of this to be over with. What can I do to make this situation work, somehow?

Update: thank you all for the overwhelming amount of replies. 💕 I appreciate it more than I can put into words. I’ve ripped off the band-aid & blocked them all, as well as taken a step back from social media. I called my mom and asked them if I can come home for a while. We called for such a long time. I told her everything, we both were crying.

She told me she was worried even before all this, I hadn’t realised how little contact we had while he & I were together. At a decent time I’ll contact school & look into attorney-options, as well as figure out what I will do with this pregnancy. Now I just really need some sleep. I’ll probably book a hotel (my parents offered to pay) until I can go home to them.. Thank you all so much, truly.

Navigating a pregnancy in the shadow of a toxic relationship is a heart-wrenching ordeal. This young woman’s choice to prioritize her future over external pressures reflects a deep sense of self-awareness. Her ex and his family’s demands—pushing her to sacrifice her education for motherhood—highlight a clash of values, where control overshadows empathy. Their harassment, from phone calls to public shaming, reveals a desperate attempt to enforce their vision, ignoring her emotional and financial realities.

This situation mirrors broader issues of reproductive coercion. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 in 8 women experience pressure from partners or families to make reproductive decisions against their will (source: thehotline.org). Dr. Laura Berman, a relationship expert, notes, “Coercion in pregnancy decisions often stems from power dynamics, where others seek to trap someone in a role that serves their needs” (source: drlauraberman.com). Here, the ex’s family seems to view her as a vessel for their legacy, disregarding her autonomy.

For her, adoption is a mature choice, ensuring the child’s well-being while preserving her path. Experts suggest working with an adoption agency to navigate legalities and protect against harassment. Consulting a domestic violence advocate, as recommended by Planned Parenthood, can also provide legal and emotional support (source: plannedparenthood.org). She should document all harassment and consider a no-contact order if needed. Ultimately, her strength lies in setting boundaries.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, offering a mix of fiery support and practical advice—think of it as a virtual coffee shop buzzing with candid takes. Here’s what they had to say:

HatsAndTopcoats − **Stop talking to these people.** Tell them directly, in writing (over text message), to leave you alone. Use the words, 'Do not contact me again. If you continue to harass me, I will involve the police.' And then, if they continue to harass you by contacting you or showing up in person, **do not talk to them. Go to the police and tell them you are being harassed.**

Find an adoption agency in your area who makes you feel comfortable (consider asking your local Planned Parenthood for a referral, because they'll probably know the best adoption org to work with) and start working with them. They will be able to give you more specific support and advice about how to handle these assholes, and what you need to do to be in compliance with the law. This is literally their job and they would **love** to help you.

UsuallyWrite2 − So a guy 12 years your senior…in his 30’s dating and being unkind to his TEENAGED girlfriend…is trying to coerce you into staying in a bad relationship AND stopping school to be a mom.. That’s just abuse and being trapped waiting to happen.

Talk to an attorney and be by the book. If you have to get a no contact order or order of protection, do it. You’ve chosen to keep the pregnancy and adopt. Let them talk to your attorney but stop talking to them directly.. I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

BigPharmaWorker − Don’t allow his family to bully you into keeping this baby, and do NOT get back with your s**tty ex for the sake of the baby. It won’t get better for you just because a baby is in the mix now. In fact, I’m willing to bet it’ll be much worse, especially given the fact that you’re only working part time.

Him and his family will expect and bully you into being a SAHM and you will have to rely and depend on them financially, leading you to stay in the relationship even longer than you need to be.. Best bet - block them and call 911 if they stop by unnecessarily to bully you again.

Playful_Robot_5599 − Adopting the baby out sounds like a healthy and mature decision. Good for you, and good for the baby. Don't let them talk you into keeping it if you don't want to. You already know how it's going to end. You have to care for the baby and the man, they will make your life a living hell, and the baby will grow up in an unloving environment.

Jen5872 − Talk to an adoption attorney. Get their advice on how to deal with your ex's family. 

RA-throwaway042020 − A**rtion pill by mail, cost covered by donation if necessary. https://aidaccess.org. Block ALL of these people.. If they come to your house call the police.. Don't answer the door! Don't answer your phone.. Move if you can, honestly.. You can get a Blink Security camera for relatively cheap off Amazon if needed to record any harassment.. Whatever you do, do not let these people have access to you or if it is born, the child.. Good luck. Xx.

mad0666 − Is it too late to terminate? Because I would 100% go that route (if you are able) and lie to them and say you miscarried. Do not have a child you are not wanting or prepared to have—and especially do not give your ex and his family what they want—you will absolutely get trapped. You do not want this for your life.

CADreamn − So...they want you to make all the sacrifices and do all the work so they can get cute pictures of a child that they will not support or help raise in any way? No. You do what's right for you. Adoption sounds like the best path, if a**rtion is out of the picture. If it's not, you could always have a 'miscarriage.' In any case, block all of them. No need to subject yourself to their abuse. 

NYCStoryteller − You don’t want a relationship with the baby daddy anymore and they just want you to be the incubator and caregiver. Block them and tell them that if they try to contact you, you will be filing for a protective order. Stay the course with your intention to put the baby up for adoption,

and make sure that the agency knows that your baby daddy and his family are pressuring you to keep it, but you are clear about your decision. Also, make sure your OB/GYN and all nurses and doctors you see at the hospital are aware that you do not want any unapproved visitors.

I would talk to a DV agency about this because it was a bad relationship, and explain how coercive he and his family are being now that they know you’re pregnant.. They can connect you with affordable or pro bono legal counsel.

one_bean_hahahaha − More likely than not, your ex sabotaged the birth control to try to baby trap you. This is why they're pulling out the stops to convince you to keep the baby. This will keep your ex in your life for at least another 18 years. How far along are you? Depending on how far along you are, you might have the option of going out of state for an a**rtion. Have you talked with your parents about going home for a visit?

These opinions are spicy, but do they capture the full picture? Or is the truth messier than Reddit’s hot takes?

This young woman’s fight to reclaim her life is a testament to resilience, but it raises tough questions about choice, family, and freedom. By choosing adoption and stepping away from her ex’s control, she’s carving out a future on her terms. What would you do if faced with such relentless pressure? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice—how do we support those navigating these stormy waters?

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