[UPDATE] Comfort Is Not a Crime: Reclaiming My Right to Dress Freely

A young woman’s sense of home shatters when she overhears her male roommates mocking her comfy shorts and tank tops as “s**tty.” The betrayal stings, turning their once-friendly shared space into a minefield of judgment. Her shock deepens knowing these same guys casually wander in boxers without scrutiny.

This isn’t just about clothes—it’s a clash of double standards and assumptions. Fueled by hurt and a spark of feminist resolve, she takes a stand, proving courage can be quiet yet powerful. Her story of raw emotion and unexpected sweetness will pull you in.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original Story.

‘[UPDATE] Comfort Is Not a Crime: Reclaiming My Right to Dress Freely

Firstly, I just wanted to thank you guys for being so sweet in the last thread. I was so stressed out and you guys made me laugh. : ). First update was removed because I forgot a link, but I fixed it. Onto the update. Before I posted, I was basically set on hiding awkwardly in my room or maybe dressing more conservatively when I left my room. After I saw all your responses, I was filled with a feminist, body-positive rage.

These boys were not going to get away with s**t shaming me. Of the three guys, I'm closest with Tom (Boy 1/3), so I decided to talk to him individually. I heard him coming up the stairs and I just took a deep breath and walked out of my room, smiled, and asked if I could talk to him for a minute. He came into my room and we were just making small talk.

I shut the door, summoned all of my assertiveness, and said, 'So, I actually have something weird to talk to you about. I heard you guys talking about me the other day.' I'd like to say that I threw down with this boy, that I told him that sexism is not cool or funny and I won't put up with it and demand that he apologize. But instead I, um.. I cried.. A lot.

I straight up just broke down, I couldn't even speak. Tom look absolutely devastated. He immediately apologized, said I wasn't supposed to hear any of that, but I wasn't really paying attention because I was just trying to get a grip on myself. There's nothing more awkward than crying in front of someone when you're 'not on that level' yet.

Anyway, I asked him if that was really what he thought of me. He said no, and that they were just being dumb, and that when Sam (Boy 2/3) brought it up he was really surprised and knew it was wrong but he didn't call him out on it. He said he should have, and he knew he should have, but he didn't want to make a big deal about it because Sam and Bob (Boy 3/3) were just joking around, even though they were being mean.

He said it was s**tty of him not to call them out and that by not saying anything and acting like it was funny, he allowed it to happen. He said that he has no excuse and he's sorry. This checks out- from what I heard, it was mainly Sam and Bob saying the bad stuff. I said I knew they were just joking around but it made me feel horrible to be talked about that way, and that the sexism really slapped me in the face.

He agreed and said it was horrible, and he also said something like 'not that it's an excuse, but you're really pretty and I think thats why we were talking about you that way. none of us actually believed what we were saying but i think it was just wishful thinking and we were idiots about it.'. So for all you guys who suggested that they were attracted to me- BINGO.

I laughed and told Tom that I had a girlfriend. He said that was totally cool, and then looked embarrassed and said they must have looked like complete idiots bragging about how much I wanted to sleep with them. I agreed. Tom asked if there was anything he could do to make up for it.

I told him not to tell the other guys anything because I don't really want to talk about it anymore, but if they ever start talking about another person like that, even if it's not me, to speak up. He promised me he would and apologized about 9000000 more times and left. I heard him go into his room, and then immediately leave and go out the front door. I didn't think much of it and put my headphones in and played Trackmania for a while.

Later that day I opened my door and there was a big cardboard box right outside my door. My first thought was that I'd ordered something from amazon and forgot about it, but it looked like a used box that someone had repurposed and taped shut. I dragged it into my room and opened it.. Guys. It was a bouquet of flowers and a cake with the word 'SORRY' written on it..

If you're thinking that I cried for the second time in three hours, well . . . you're right. Anyway, I'm sorry I didn't throw down with them like so many of you wanted. Unfortunately I am but a tiny creampuff. I'm working a lot on being more assertive but in this scenario I handled it as best as I could.

Confronting Tom about it was actually super scary, but I'm proud of myself for bringing it up at all. I accept Tom's apology. He seemed genuine, and this does seem like a one-off s**tty behavior situation. He's usually a pretty stand-up guy. The other guys . . . I don't know.

To be honest, I wasn't super sold on them to start with, so I feel like I'll just continue to not pursue a friendship with them. And I'll continue to dress however I want. : ) Lastly, serious thanks to all of you for your responses. I was hesitant to post this on reddit because reddit can sometimes be . . . not so nice about women's issues. But yall are cool. 

This roommate saga exposes the subtle sexism woven into “just joking” banter. The young woman’s tearful confrontation with Tom, though unplanned, was a brave act of vulnerability. Dr. Jackson Katz, a gender dynamics expert, states, “Men often stay silent in sexist peer conversations due to social pressure, but change begins with one voice”. Tom’s apology and reflection prove that voice matters.

The roommates’ remarks mirror a broader issue: women’s clothing is often used to judge their character. A 2021 YouGov poll revealed 52% of women feel scrutinized for casual attire. The men’s attraction, as Tom admitted, fueled their mockery, wrongly assuming her style was for them. Her revelation about her girlfriend dismantled their assumptions, exposing their bias.

Dr. Katz advises, “Disrupting misogyny means calling it out, even privately.” Tom’s commitment to speak up is progress. For readers, try a direct approach: “Your comments about my clothes felt disrespectful.” It fosters dialogue without escalation. Wear what feels right—your confidence is your strength.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s community came through with a mix of support and humor, rallying behind the young woman’s stand. From praising her courage to joking about that cake, here’s their take:

minipuffs − Unfortunately I am but a tiny creampuff. Aww, so cute. Good job on standing up for yourself. Assertiveness comes one step at a time. I'm proud of you!

udolipixiegal − So for all you guys who suggested that they were attracted to me- BINGO. It's quite telling to me how displaying male attraction seems tied into mistreatment and degradation of said woman they're attracted to. And how so many guys seem to trip over themselves either excusing it or not calling this b**lshit out.. Free cake though.

seasicksquid − So, I just want to say. You think you're a creampuff. You're not. You're a fierce creme brulee, with a carmelized hard surface who needed to work through an issue with a spoon, not a fork. You stood up for yourself and got your point across very clearly, and there is *nothing* wrong with showing emotion. *Nothing.* Others may say you need to work on standing up for yourself more, but you did it.

So you did exactly enough. This whole idea that showing emotion is bad is just another way we play into these weird power politics of human behavior. When people are close, it just doesn't work like that. Showing emotion isn't weakness, and the feeling that emotions *do* show weakness is not okay. It's not wrong to care.

Mystik-Spiral − No matter what, you came out of this on top because you got free cake.

Kellianne − about the crying: women often cry when they are angry, or o**rwhelmed. We've been conditioned that crying is acceptable, anger is not. Baby steps, girl. You'll get there. I am a former tiny creampuff.

allyourcritbotthings − Tom is a good guy. Peer pressure is always hard, but it sounds like he will figure it out. And you did good. Even if the confrontation didn't go exactly how you wanted, you got some good practice in.

homelandsecurity__ − This has me feeling all fluffy inside. I'm glad everything went well for you. Hopefully they'll think twice when they go to talk about someone like that in the future.

nevada_wild − I accept Tom's apology. He seemed genuine, and this does seem like a one-off s**tty behavior situation. He's usually a pretty stand-up guy. The other guys . . . I don't know. To be honest, I wasn't super sold on them to start with, so I feel like I'll just continue to not pursue a friendship with them.

Yeah... that's because they didn't apologize. They don't deserve your forgiveness. Tom seems like a genuine person though. Good on you for asserting yourself, even if it didn't go as planned - you still did it, got your point across, and mended instead of burned a bridge. :)

LameNameDame − I can only imagine what an eye-opening event this was for Tom. We're raised with all sorts of gender expectations and it can be really easy not to notice how toxic this sort of masculinity can be. Thankfully the fella seems to have a natural inclination towards empathy, even if he went with the flow in the moment.

I hope this has cleared up that cloud of ignorance for him and in the future he'll consider the sort of effects his actions can have on others. I am also one of those people who cries when they're mad, so I can understand how embarrassing that s**t is and I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Fortunately, it seemed to help Tom understand you rather than drive him away (as opposed to say, d**khead misogynists who believe women only cry in order to weaponize their tears). It'll be good to have him on your side because I have the feeling this won't be the last a**hole incident that will arise with these roommates.... Good luck, OP. Oh, and I hope you enjoyed the cake :D

writesgud − I remember seeing Tina Fey interviewed (wish I could find the link) where she talked about being the first female head writer of SNL. She once got advice from an old school female comedy writer who said, 'whatever you do, don't let them see you cry.'. Fey's response, 'Oh, I blew that on my first day of the job.'   As you know, she was head writer for years,

and it was revelatory (to me at least) that you could cry and still be taken seriously because you were just being genuine and still can be strong. I've also slowly learned over the years that while other people may be smarter, stronger, or whatever, they can't argue with the truth. Your feelings were genuine and conveyed more strongly what was genuinely going on than any words needed to.. Great job. Glad to hear you're doing ok.

Reddit’s a whirlwind of opinions, but do these capture the whole story? One thing’s clear: a “SORRY” cake makes any apology sweeter.

This journey from tears to triumph shows that standing up, even imperfectly, can shift dynamics. The young woman’s vulnerability transformed a painful moment into growth and allyship, proving small acts matter. What’s your view? Have you faced a friend’s unfair judgment? How would you tackle a roommate’s double standards? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo alive!

 

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