AITA because we won’t let anyone live with us?

In a sun-dappled neighborhood, a sprawling 4,200 sq ft home stands as a couple’s private oasis, their hard-earned slice of tranquility. But this haven has become a magnet for hopeful houseguests, each knocking with a sob story and a suitcase. After a friend’s six-month stint turned their sanctuary into a battleground of broken boundaries, the couple swore off long-term visitors. Now, as family and friends keep circling like vultures eyeing a vacant room, they’re holding firm, sparking whispers of selfishness.

The tension is palpable—requests from a struggling ex-stepmother, a cousin with four kids, and a friend who won’t take no for an answer pile up like unopened mail. Each refusal stirs judgment, leaving the couple wondering if their fortress of peace makes them the bad guys. Readers, brace yourselves for a tale of boundaries, entitlement, and the fight to keep a home truly their own.

‘AITA because we won’t let anyone live with us?’

Background- we have a beautiful 4200 sq foot home in a beautiful neighborhood. We have no children and it’s our happy place. Several years back we allowed a friend to live with us as she was going through a divorce and moving back to her home state. It ended up being a disaster. She was an a**oholic and want was suppose to be a few weeks ended up being 6 months before we kicked her out.

My husband and I made a pact that no one would be able to stay longer than a visit like Christmas week, etc. since then we’ve had the following: My dads ex wife wanted to move in as she was having financial issues: we said NO. My uncle wanted us to take in my cousin and her 4 children because she was experiencing homelessness due to her d**g problem and he wanted them to be in a stable environment.

( So it’s ok to make our environment unstable???) . We said NO. now another friend keeps bringing up moving with us because we have all this room. Again we said NO. We are getting very tired of people continuing to move in as we have the room! Are we being assholes?

Saying no to loved ones can feel like slamming a door in their face, especially when your home seems like their salvation. This couple’s saga highlights a universal tug-of-war: personal boundaries versus societal expectations. Their refusal to open their doors isn’t just about space—it’s about preserving their mental health and relationship.

The couple’s past trauma—a friend’s six-month overstay—shapes their hardline stance. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships; without them, resentment festers” (Gottman Institute). Here, the couple’s “no” is a shield against chaos, but it clashes with others’ assumptions that spare rooms equal spare obligations. The cousin’s case, with four kids and addiction issues, underscores a harsh reality: their home isn’t a rehab center.

This issue taps into a broader social expectation—those with “more” should share. A 2021 study from Pew Research shows 53% of Americans feel pressured to financially support family (Pew Research). The couple’s childless status amplifies this, as if their home is a communal resource. Yet, entitlement, like the friend’s persistent hints, ignores their right to peace.

For solutions, Dr. Gottman’s advice resonates: communicate boundaries clearly and consistently. The couple could offer alternative help—like connecting their cousin to social services—without sacrificing their sanctuary.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this drama, and they’re serving up candid humor with a side of truth. Here’s what the community had to say:

Competitive-Maize996 − When I had a house that big, people would come out of the woodwork trying to get space in there. You have to stand your ground to keep your peace.

lotusblossom60 − I had a woman whose house got destroyed in a natural disaster. Come and stay with me for two months. She was the most selfish b**ch I’ve ever met in my life. She ate all my food. She had a party when I went away for a weekend. She rearranged stuff in my kitchen how she liked it to be.

I could literally go on for a half an hour. The reason I didn’t say anything was because she was in my friend group and women can be so friggin bitchy. The only reason she left was because I told her that someone was coming to stay. She literally left at the last possible minute.

gurlwithdragontat2 − NTA - every example you used shows somebody tertiary trying to foist responsibility they are tired of dealing with onto you. Uncle dumping cousin *(and 4 kids!!! sorry, who will be expected to provide for and care for these children while their mother is an active addiction???)*,

ex stepmom needing help *(which like why would you ever be the person to offer that support?)*, and a friend. **Your choice to not have children does not mean your life and home are in an infinite transitional period where people can come settle their things as if you don’t have a life going on.**. It’s presumptuous, dismissive, and completely entitled.

sarahmegatron − NTA It’s really rude for your friends and family to keep trying to convince you to allow them to move in with you and your husband. And specifically in your cousin’s case, she’s going to have so many struggles and issues that it would be a nightmare to have her live in your home, she needs real help.

Individual_Ad_9213 − NTA. You were taken advantage of. This is a case of '*Once burned, twice cautious*!'

Adorable_Click9074 − NTA. Your response is: 'This is our home; not a hotel. Which, if it were, you would be paying a daily rate.'

pixyfire − NTA. I've 'helped people out with a short-term place to stay' a few times and I will never do it again. If they don't have it together enough to have a place to stay today, they are not going to have it together enough to have a place to stay in 6 months.. Hold your ground.

MadreBella − NTA. I live alone in a 2000sf house because my daughter left for college and now career and my husband of 24 years left when she did. It's been 6 years and just the last two I have really started enjoying the sanctuary of my home- decorating how I want, keeping it super clean, etc.

Recently my niece was accepted to a local university and my SIL- who I love - has been insinuating jokingly but not jokingly that my niece can live with me. She's welcome here ANY time. If her dorm mate is sick or she just needs to study or needs a college break she can come on over.

but she's not living with me. I work 50+ hours a week and often dinner is a tuna sandwich and some cheezits, I feel like an a**hole but she has a LARGE scholarship and this just isn't something I'm comfortable with. So basically I feel your pain and you're NTA.

CeeUNTy − 'Thanks for offering but we really don't need any help with the mortgage payments'. Why else would you want anyone living with you? NTA.

BlondDee1970 − NTA. You are not running a B&B. Just because you have space it doesn’t mean friends or family are entitled to it. No is a complete answer and it’s ok to protect your own peace.

These Reddit gems are bold, but do they hit the mark? Is it really about entitlement, or are some requests more reasonable than they seem?

This couple’s story is a masterclass in standing firm, even when the world calls you selfish for it. Their home, a gleaming fortress of calm, isn’t a free hostel—and that’s okay. But it leaves us wondering: where’s the line between generosity and self-preservation? What would you do if family or friends kept knocking, expecting a key to your sanctuary? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this together!

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