[Update] I (27M) just found out my girlfriend (24F) is lying about being on a trip. How do I confront her?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a dimly lit car winding through city streets, the hum of the engine barely masking the tension inside. A 27-year-old man grips the steering wheel, his heart racing as he prepares to confront his girlfriend about a lie that’s been gnawing at him for weeks. She claimed to be at a conference states away, but a photo revealed she was at a local show, carefree while he spiraled. Now, after three weeks of silence, her casual movie invite feels like a slap.

This isn’t just about a canceled trip—it’s about trust, respect, and the courage to face hard truths. For two years, he loved her deeply, but her lies and emotional distance have cracked that foundation. As he navigates this heartbreak, his story resonates with anyone who’s faced betrayal in love. Let’s dive into his journey and explore how he found the strength to walk away.

‘[Update] I (27M) just found out my girlfriend (24F) is lying about being on a trip. How do I confront her?’

To quickly summarize my last post: A few weeks back my girlfriend was supposed to go on a trip a few states away to go to a conference. I came to find out that the conference was cancelled and she didn’t actually go, and never even bothered to tell me. She lied by omission about it by not telling me when I texted her to have a good flight.

I found out she didn’t go because her best friend posted a picture of them at a show in our local nearby city. So here we are, almost a month later. I was wreck and spiraling these past few weeks, and after being together for almost two years I was too panicked to reach out and ask to see her.

During the three weeks since her planned trip, she hasn’t reached out once to me. That was until yesterday, when she casually reached out like we hadn’t just ignored each other for 3 weeks and asked to see a movie. So I just finally saw her tonight. In the car I asked about her trip.

Her facial response was really weird like she got caught off guard. I’m guessing she was expecting me to forget about it after a few weeks of not seeing her. She just said “it was ok” which instantly confirmed my suspicions.

I asked her what she had done and she said she went to that conference one day (which as I said in my last post was cancelled), and went to a show after before returning home the day after I made my original post. I asked her which and she claimed the show that was in our local city.

I was driving at the time and it was dark out, so I waited to confront her as I didn’t want to get emotional and endanger us. I confronted her for lying about the trip, doubling down and lying about the conference, and tripling down to lie about the show.

Her immediate response was to start deflecting, saying that if this is making me upset to imagine how she felt that her conference and trip was cancelled. She said how she was so heartbroken and upset that the conference was cancelled (which was cancelled 5 weeks ago) that she didn’t want to talk about it.

She kept saying that she doesn’t owe it to me or anybody else to tell us about her business and what’s going on in her life. I of course called her out for gaslighting me, to which her response was that she was not gaslighting me. Kind of ironic I guess.

When I talked about how it made me feel and that she damaged my trust for her, she again tried to belittle my feelings by rolling her eyes and saying that it was only a show. This conversation ended up opening to a much bigger issue in our relationship that I didn’t mention in my last post.

Generally, Amy treated me really poorly throughout the relationship. She was hot and cold, put zero effort into communication, and it never felt like she made a priority. She’d give me zero affection or compliments despite drooling and crushing over male celebrities all day.

She’s made little effort to connect me and her family and friends. We’ve talked about all of this a few times now, she would always say she was o**rwhelmed with some new excuse and promise it would get better. I would cave in and agree to work through things. As expected, things never got better.

This time was the same, where she blamed a new job for being o**rwhelmed and that’s why she’s been so distant. But this time was different. I guess her blatant lie to my face and your guys comments in the back of my mind gave me power to put my foot down. I broke up with her then and there.

She kept begging me for one more chance, to think on it for a few days, that she cares about me and didn’t intend to hurt me, all that nonsense. But the whole time I was the one bawling, and there wasn’t a tear on her face.

It really broke my heart ending things but I’ve also really grown to hate myself for putting up with her treatment for so long. I’m hurting a lot right now, and I’m scared to get back into the dating world after two years of aging and some weight gain.

I really loved her with every bit of my heart and I’m terrified to picture my life without her. I really want to call her up and give her one final chance to get things right but I know I’d never forgive myself if she didn’t change and broke my heart again. Im hurting bad and I could really use some words of encouragement right now.. Thank you all.

Relationships thrive on trust, but a single lie can topple that like a Jenga tower. This man’s discovery of his girlfriend’s deception about her trip wasn’t just a fib—it was a symptom of deeper issues. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, states, “Trust is built in small moments of honesty; betrayal erodes it just as quickly” (Gottman Institute). Her lies, paired with emotional neglect, shattered his confidence.

Her deflection—claiming she didn’t owe him explanations—highlights a refusal to communicate, a red flag in any partnership. His hurt wasn’t about the show but her dismissal of his feelings, a pattern of emotional abuse. She’d promise change but never followed through, leaving him chasing a mirage of improvement. Her neurodivergence, while noted, doesn’t excuse consistent disrespect.

This reflects a broader issue: emotional abuse in relationships. A 2021 study by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence found that 48% of people experience emotional abuse in romantic partnerships (NCADV). His decision to end things aligns with Dr. Gottman’s advice: “Healthy relationships require mutual accountability.” Recognizing her manipulation was his first step toward healing.

For solutions, he’s on the right path by cutting contact and blocking her on social media. Rebuilding self-esteem through therapy or hobbies can help him rediscover his worth. Reflecting on red flags—like her hot-and-cold behavior—will guide future relationships. His courage to prioritize his well-being is a beacon for others in similar situations.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew rolled in like a supportive squad at a karaoke night, belting out encouragement with a side of sass. They showered this guy with virtual high-fives for breaking free from a toxic relationship. Here’s the unfiltered vibe:

[Reddit User] − Baby you don’t deserve this. Don’t let this beast of a woman back into your life. The day is young, and your youth has just begun. There are so many beautiful faces and souls you have yet to meet. There are so many opportunities that await you, and the future only asks that you let go of your past.

Clit-Wasabi − You did the right thing.

Able_Hat_2055 − You did the right thing, don’t doubt yourself on that. Everyone ages, and with age comes the experience you had with her and the knowledge that you don’t want that to happen again. You are smarter now and will be able to find a better partner.

Give yourself some time to regroup. If you are bothered by your weight, try walking more, working out, or start small and drink more water. You have a big heart and are capable of so much love, don’t let anyone ever make you feel different.

You also deserve the same amount of love in return. It’s ok to just focus on yourself for a bit. I did that at 27, and I found a way to be happy with just me. As soon as I did, I met my now husband. I’ve been where you are, and I promise, if you let it, things will get better. I wish you only the best. ❤️

Kisses4Kimmy − WHAT? You are 27YO. Calm down for realz. You are in your PRIME and people ALWAYS bounce back after a break up and when it’s from horrible people we come out hotter, confident, and more successful than EVER! At 27 you know what you will tolerate in a relationship and what you won’t.

You’ll be able to see all the red flags and know you are not going to waste an inkling of your time ever entertaining that again! I am 32YO and honestly I think I met the love of my life (haha we will see though but I will say he’s the healthiest relationship I have ever had-our 1 year is coming up soon from officially being together).

You have so much time on your hands and you really don’t need to be crying over someone who ghosted you for 3 weeks and treats you like a sack of cow dung.. But definitely BLOCK her. Tell your friends and family you broke up and why (so if you ever went back to her you’ll look SO DUMB). Get into the gym, find out who you are again, you got this!. Good luck OP and take as much time as you need to process everything though.

swaggysalamander − Sounds as if a split is for the best. You’re right in this is just a small symptom of a bigger problem and I can promise with certainty it will only get worse. She has to work on herself and you deserve a better partner

glasscastlelibrary − I did the back and forth, back and forth thing with my ex-husband so many times, and he never changed. You said you were together for two years, but from the way you talk about how she acted and how she treated you, I would have guessed you'd been together closer to two months.

Telling you she doesn't have owe it to you or anyone else to tell you what's going on with her? That's crazy. That's literally what being in a relationship is. If she doesn't want that then she should be single. I'm sorry she hurt you, and that you're hurting.

You mentioned being older now and gaining some weight. Sweetheart, you're 27. That's nothing. And the weight? The right person isn't going to care about that. The only person who's opinion on your weight that matters is you. If you're unhappy with your weight, work on it. But love yourself regardless.

Traeyze − A lot of people stuck in bad relationships note that there is often a single moment that goes just a bit too far and wakes them up. Like for a split second they open their eyes and realise they are in the Matrix so to speak. For you it was the tripple whammy lie and the absurdity of it and the following few weeks.

It meant that the next time she tried to downplay it, gaslight you, manipulate you emotionally you were able to resist. But it is clear that this relationship needed to end a long time ago. That isn't something to hate yourself for, rather you now understand how easy it can be to become stuck treated poorly.

When you hear about people stuck in bad or abusive relationships you'll have empathy for them. And, moving forwards, you'll assure you never go through this again. I get you loved her but a bigger part of that was loving the girl you hoped she could become, the girl you needed, than you're able to really process right now.

For a long time you've lived for the light at the end of the tunnel, it's why you'd accept her lies and her deflections, but you know it can't continue. And you know that if you did call her all it would prove to her is that she can get away with this, you'd be enabling,

and sad as that is you are now past that. I know I am probably coming across harsh but I think you need the real talk right now. You grasped this opportunity to break free of the cycle that has been eating you alive for a while, don't let go of it.

Usuge − She isn't just cheating, she is in an entirely other relationship.. So much so that you might actually now be the other guy. She is cheating on him with you.

AnniaT − How many more chances are you going to give her? She doesn't respect you and she doesn't care. Just stay away from her and try to move on.

Own-Writing-3687 − You are the victim of an emotionally abusive relationship. . I guarantee you will find love again and feel 1,000 times better.. Ghost and block her everywhere. 

Redditors cheered his breakup as a victory lap, urging him to block his ex and embrace his worth. Some roasted her gaslighting antics, while others shared stories of dodging similar traps. Their mix of tough love and optimism paints a clear picture: he’s better off solo than stuck in her orbit. Her lies sparked a wake-up call, and the crowd’s behind him all the way.

This man’s story is a gut-punch reminder that love shouldn’t feel like a one-way street. His girlfriend’s lies about a trip cracked open the truth about her neglect, pushing him to choose himself over a toxic cycle. Walking away took guts, and his journey to heal is just beginning. Have you ever faced a moment where a lie revealed bigger relationship truths? Share your experiences below—what helped you move forward?

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