AITA for cancelling on my friend after she wouldn’t pay for our lunch?

In the bustling halls of high school, where friendships bloom over shared secrets and study dates, a 16-year-old girl feels the sting of being taken for granted. Her close friend, always quick to ask for a $7 coffee, balks at covering a modest lunch bill, leaving the girl’s wallet and patience running on empty. What was meant to be a cozy study session turns into a standoff over fairness and respect.

This Reddit gem pulls us into the whirlwind of teenage bonds, where small gestures like buying coffee reveal big truths about reciprocity. The girl’s decision to cancel their hangout, born of frustration, sparks a relatable debate about setting boundaries with friends who treat you like an ATM. It’s a lively tale that captures the awkward dance of standing up for yourself without rocking the friendship boat.

‘AITA for cancelling on my friend after she wouldn’t pay for our lunch?’

I 16F and my friend 17F (let’s call her D) have been friends for about 3 years. We are very close and hang out outside of school very frequently. We agreed to meet each other for a couple hours to study for our ap test.

For context: every month my parents give me 100-200 dollars on a credit card so I can budget out what i’m going to spend for the month and D has been asking me almost every. single. day if I can get her coffee before school as I go very frequently.

I’m going to be honest it does bother me that she asks all the time considering she has a bigger amount of money than me and she could easily just go get one herself before school and she never offers to pay me back.

So knowing this, I asked her if she could pay for the food at our hang out since I got her about 5 coffees this month without being payed back. She agreed at first and then said she couldn’t anymore because she needs to buy a different friend a birthday present.

I told her that my monthly allowance had run out and that I couldn’t go anymore. She seemed annoyed but I didn’t want to ask if she was upset or bring up that I was upset. I feel like it’s very selfish that she asks me for coffee almost every day but then won’t pay for our most likely 20 dollar meal.

She also asks other people for coffee when I say no and I feel really used just because I drive to school and she has a license and a car but her dad drives her. UPDATE: she reluctantly agreed to pay after I told her I couldn’t go if she wasn’t paying and to answer some questions:

the coffees are about 7 dollars each and I do get myself one too when I get her one and to be clear she has had my back in the past and payed for big expensive meals once or twice when I really had no money she hasn’t been asking for the coffees for very long only about a month or so .

Friendships, especially in the pressure cooker of high school, thrive on mutual respect, but this story shows how easily imbalances can fester. The friend’s constant coffee requests, paired with her reluctance to reciprocate, signal a lack of consideration that understandably frustrates the OP. Canceling the study session was a bold move to reclaim her boundaries, even if it stirred tension.

Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist specializing in friendships, notes in The Friendship Blog, “Healthy friendships require reciprocity, especially when it comes to emotional or financial contributions.” The friend’s pattern of leaning on the OP without giving back risks straining their bond. Her eventual agreement to pay suggests some awareness, but the underlying dynamic needs addressing.

This reflects a broader issue: teens learning to navigate financial boundaries. A 2018 Junior Achievement survey found 60% of teens struggle to discuss money with friends, often leading to resentment. Clear communication is key to maintaining balanced relationships.

Advice: The OP should openly discuss her feelings, explaining how the coffee requests feel unfair. Setting clear expectations, like alternating who pays, can prevent future friction. Open dialogue can strengthen their friendship while respecting both parties’ limits.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit weighs in with a mix of empathy and tough love for this teenage tale. Many users cheer the OP for standing her ground, labeling her friend a “mooch” who’s been milking her generosity. Others point out the friend’s past generosity with expensive meals, suggesting the dynamic isn’t entirely one-sided but still needs recalibrating.

The consensus leans toward urging the OP to stop funding coffees and prioritize her own budget. These Reddit takes cut through the haze of teenage friendship drama with sharp clarity. They highlight the importance of mutual respect, urging the OP to hold firm on her boundaries.

Vast_Responsibility6 − NTA But come on. You do realize she is using you, right?. Stop saying yes. Seriously. Stop wasting your money on a fake friend who is using you for free coffee.

Wonderful_Two_6710 − NTA. I had a friend like this many years ago, except it was rounds of beer. It went on for a bit until I just directly said 'It's your turn to start buying. Every other round is yours, or you can have water.' He was pissed for a bit, but got over it. If you can be taken advantage of, someone will find a way to do it.

sarratiger − Info: You mentioned that she’s paid for very expensive meals for you in the past. In your entire friendship, who do you think has spent more money on the other total?

KnitzSox − “Sure, Jessica, I’ll grab one for you. Go ahead and preorder on the app and I’ll pick it up when I get mine.”

Dopa-Down_Syndrome − If this isn't the most golden spoon aita I have ever read. 7 dollar coffees every day, has a car and drives to school, and 200 bucks a month allowance at 16. You don't know how good you have it.. NTA but God dam this is such a non-issue.

WatchingTellyNow − 'Can you get me a coffee?'. 'No.'. That's how the conversation needs to go.. NTA, unless you keep getting her coffee, in which case you're being a doormat, and an A to yourself.

gelfbo − YTA Maybe, you put a zinger in update that “she has paid for big expensive meals in past”. So she is not a complete leech like your main post infers. Not sure why you’re judging her on her dad dropping here at school either. Just have a calm conversation and pay only for your own stuff from now on.

You appear to be getting resentful around her resources, she maybe a leech but you had this dynamic where she has paid for big stuff so thought that was how your wallets operate. Have a conversation about needing to manage your allowance better so it’s a you problem at the moment not her, also be aware the wallet will be closed on her side too.

GenxBaby2 − NTA Your 'friend' is a leech and eventually she will run out of people to buy her things.  I'm glad you figured her out.

alicat777777 − $7 coffees and you got her 5? She is a user!

Dongusamericanus − I'm sure your parents wouldn't be to happy to learn this. Say 15 to 20 coffees a month depending on what gets would be like 1/4 to a 1/3 your monthly budget. Drop this mooch. Nta

This teen’s coffee-fueled clash is a vivid reminder that even close friendships need boundaries to thrive. The OP’s bold cancellation, sparked by her friend’s refusal to chip in, shines a light on the tricky balance of generosity and fairness.

It’s a relatable story that resonates with anyone who’s felt used by a friend. Have you ever had to set limits with a pal? Share your experiences below—let’s keep the conversation brewing!

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