My [23F] boyfriend [27M] charged me $100 for ruining his shirt in the wash?

In a cozy apartment scented with laundry detergent, a small mishap has sprouted into a full-blown relationship crisis. A young woman, juggling dog-sitting and dental school prep, was stunned when her boyfriend slapped her with a $100 bill for a pink-stained shirt she accidentally marred in the wash. Despite her cooking, cleaning, and covering groceries to balance their uneven rent split, his petty charge felt like a slap in the face—especially after she gifted him clothes without expecting a dime.

Now, the sting of his demand lingers, amplified by his constant jabs about her lower rent contribution. Her playful gesture of eating a special hotdog she bought for him in front of his eyes was a quiet rebellion, but the hurt runs deeper. Is this a one-off cheap shot, or a sign of a transactional heart? Reddit’s fiery chorus weighs in, urging her to rethink this love that feels more like a ledger.

‘My [23F] boyfriend [27M] charged me $100 for ruining his shirt in the wash?’

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, I recently graduated college and am taking a gap year while I apply to dental school. I’m currently working as a dog sitter while I study for a big exam to get into dental school so I’m paying only about 20% of our rent for the past 4 months, by January I expect to have a full time job after my exam and will help more with rent.

In exchange for my boyfriend paying for more of the rent I cook every weekday, do the laundry, vacuum, take the trash, etc. basically all the house chores. My boyfriend never fails to mention how little rent I pay even though we agreed this will be temporary.. I also pay $200 for groceries each month with my ebt (Ik it’s not much).

We never go out to eat, probably twice in the past 3 months so he’s not spending on restaurants.. That’s the dynamic of our finances. Recently while doing the laundry one of his White shirts for work got a pink mark on the collar from the detergent and he charged me $100 for the shirt since it was expensive.

I was very offended about that, it felt like something a cheap person would do especially since I’ve bought him clothes many times without any special occasion. He never gets me gifts unless it’s my birthday or Christmas (which is fine but I give him gifts all year round making me sensitive about him charging me for the shirt)

The day he charged me, I had brought him a special Colombian Hotdog I wanted him to try (I was only going to take 1 bite because I’m not that much of a fan of hotdogs) however after he charged me the $100 I ended up eating the hotdog myself in front him and told him to reheat the food I made yesterday if he was hungry.I never really thought he was a cheap person but this felt like a cheap thing to do and say?. 

This $100 shirt saga isn’t about laundry—it’s about respect, or the glaring lack of it. The boyfriend’s decision to charge his partner for an honest mistake, while she shoulders the household load, screams transactional resentment. His frequent reminders of her lower rent contribution, despite their agreement, chip away at mutual support. Her gifts and efforts contrast sharply with his stinginess, highlighting an imbalance that could poison their future.

Financial dynamics in relationships require fairness. The American Psychological Association notes that money disputes are a top stressor in 30% of couples. Dr. John Gottman, in a Psychology Today article, warns, “Resentment over financial roles breeds contempt, a relationship killer.” The boyfriend’s pettiness suggests he values control over partnership.

This reflects broader issues of reciprocity in love. “Healthy relationships balance give-and-take, not scorekeeping,” says therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner in a Psychology Today piece. The woman should set boundaries, like splitting chores evenly or pausing laundry duties, and demand a sincere apology. Couples counseling could realign their values, but his refusal to see her side is a red flag. She might consider saving for her own place if the pattern persists.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit squad swooped in like a cleanup crew, dishing out sharp warnings and witty jabs. It’s like a group chat where everyone’s fed up with the boyfriend’s antics. Here’s the unfiltered vibe:

[Reddit User] − Your better off with the hotdog

sanguinepsychologist − This is so wild to me. I accidentally put the wrong cycle on for my husband’s cashmere jumper once and somehow didn’t get indentured to eternal servitude even though the jumper was ruined. It was an accident and a sincere apology was enough.

Once, a sock got trapped with his underwear and the entire load of laundry came out covered in fluff and I still wasn’t sacrificed at the altar of Good Housekeeping. Then again, my husband also contributes around the house even though I am a SAHM. Something tells me this man will continue berating your efforts as well as expecting you to do everything you’re already doing long after you secure a job, too.

Extension_Drummer_85 − If he ever marries you it won't be a real marriage. He'll demand a prenup and treat you like a free loader for staying home to raise his children. I'd make plans to leave. 

lollipopfiend123 − Is this what you want the rest of your life to look like? Having someone be petty and transactional over a small accident?

dcm510 − “My boyfriend never fails to mention how little rent I pay even though we agreed this will be temporary.”. Huge red flag even before you got into this story. This guy is trash with no respect for you.

RickRussellTX − He resents the financial situation and that resentment is coming out in petty b**lshit like this.

SpecialistAfter511 − Wow. Detergent shouldn’t have ruined his shirt. Did you rewash? I hope you aren’t washing his shirts anymore. Can’t afford to get detergent on his clothes again.

SnooFoxes4362 − I’d never wash a single article of clothing for him again. Seriously, you can’t afford it. Paying a bit extra for a partner for a few months is totally normal, this purely transactional living situation with rent paid by free laundry is just off-putting! No thanks!

And I bet if he ever needed some money from you it would be “totally different “ and you’d be the AH for not just offering it freely. And while we’re talking transactional relationships, does he do his fair share of the cooking and cleaning? Does he do daily tasks in the same way you do them?

Who’s mopping the floor, who’s figuring out what’s for dinner and shopping, cooking? Who’s in charge of making sure the house doesn’t run out of laundry detergent and flour? If it’s not 50/50 for absolutely ALL of that then why is there a presumption of 50/50 for rent that needs to be made up for with extra laundry services??

uhasahdude − Just for reference, my gf once slowly reversed my car into the house (no damage to car, slight bump in the house), and I not once ever thought “she’s gotta pay for that”. She works full time. The fact you are in your current situation, and he goes that far, should set off at least some bells.

ThrowRAMomVsGF − Wow. Why are you with him?

These Redditors didn’t hold back, slamming the boyfriend’s cheapness and urging the woman to rethink the relationship. Some saw the shirt charge as a symptom of deeper control issues, while others cheered her hotdog rebellion. Do their fiery takes nail the truth, or are they too quick to judge a complex dynamic? One thing’s certain: this laundry mishap has sparked a heated debate.

This tale of a stained shirt reveals how quickly respect can fray in a relationship’s fabric. The woman’s labor and love clash with her boyfriend’s petty ledger, leaving her to question his heart. A shift toward mutual respect could mend things, but his resentment casts a long shadow. When does a partner’s stinginess become a dealbreaker? Share your stories or advice in the comments—let’s untangle this messy load together.

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