My (26F) boyfriend (27M) invited his girl friend back up to our place after they had dinner for wine while I was sleeping. How would you feel in this situation?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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At 1:30 AM, a 26-year-old woman wakes to the sound of her boyfriend and a female acquaintance entering their LA apartment. What began as a dinner to retrieve a credit card has spilled into their living room, with wine bottles opened and chatter filling the air.

Lying in bed, she feels a surge of shock and betrayal, questioning the boundaries of their three-year relationship. This Reddit story dives into her turmoil, unpacking trust, respect, and a late-night guest.

‘My (26F) boyfriend (27M) invited his girl friend back up to our place after they had dinner for wine while I was sleeping. How would you feel in this situation?’

My boyfriend went out for dinner with one of his friends who is a girl. I’ve known about her since the beginning because she’s an acquaintance but by no means at all are they close friends and this is the first time that they’ve ever hung out in the 3 years that me and him have been together. We all live in LA now.

They grew up in the same country in Europe, but they didn’t know each other while they were growing up. My boyfriend went back to his home country for the holidays and left one of his credit cards at his parents house. This girl picked it up as she was still there and heading back to the US shortly after, so they were meeting for him to pick up the card.

Anyways, he left for dinner around 9 pm and our door opens at 1:35 am and I’m awoken by them coming in. I thought okay maybe she needs to use the bathroom. Nope. I hear a bottle of wine open. They’ve been sitting drinking wine and talking for the last 45 minutes and I’m just in the bedroom in absolute belief.

I’m feeling really fiery and honestly like this crossed the line for me but before I unleash I think maybe it’s better to cool down and get some outside perspectives. How would you feel in this situation?

EDIT: I just want to clarify something that I feel like a lot of people are not understanding. They haven’t not seen each other for 3 years. We all live in LA. I was stating in the almost 3 years that my boyfriend and I have been together, my boyfriend and this girl have never hung out together, despite us all living within a 5 mile radius. I’ve seen her in person twice at parties. I barely knew they were friends.

FINAL EDIT: It’s not about them banging and it’s not about them hanging out. It’s about my man bringing home another woman to our house for hours at 1:30 am while I’m sleeping to drink and do drugs with….. it’s extremely disrespectful and inappropriate. Although most of the people here don’t see it that way, this post helped me solidify how I feel about this situation.

A partner bringing an unexpected guest home at 1:30 AM can feel like a punch to the gut, especially when it’s someone of the opposite sex. For this woman, the shock of waking to her boyfriend’s female acquaintance in their living room highlights a clash of boundaries and communication. Her boyfriend’s casual decision, paired with the late hour and lack of prior notice, fuels her sense of disrespect.

Relationship therapist Esther Perel emphasizes, “Trust is built through transparency and mutual respect. Actions that feel secretive, even if innocent, can erode that foundation”. The boyfriend’s choice to continue the evening at home, knowing his girlfriend was asleep, suggests a lapse in consideration. His familiarity with the guest, tied to shared cultural roots, may explain the casual vibe, but doesn’t excuse bypassing his partner’s comfort.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: navigating boundaries in modern relationships. A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 52% of couples report boundary disputes involving friends, often due to unclear communication. The woman’s fiery reaction stems from feeling sidelined in her own space.

To move forward, the couple should discuss clear boundaries about late-night guests and transparency. The woman could express her need for respect, while her boyfriend clarifies his intentions. Open dialogue, as Perel suggests, can rebuild trust and prevent future missteps.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit community offered varied takes on this late-night drama. Many empathized with the woman’s discomfort, viewing the boyfriend’s decision to bring a guest home at 1:30 AM as thoughtless, especially without prior discussion.

Some saw it as a cultural norm, suggesting the shared background made the hangout innocent, and urged her to join the chat rather than stew. Others focused on the disruption of sleep, advising a calm talk about house rules. These perspectives highlight a divide between seeing this as a boundary breach or a harmless catch-up.

Any_Calendar_3600 − Go join the get together, it's your place. Get a snack, introduce yourself. Just say that they woke you up.

Scinos2k − Okay let's break it down a bit here.. 1. They've been friends for some three years.. 2. He forgot his cards, she brought them back for him.. 3. Presumably as a thank you, let's get dinner.

4. He's now sitting in the living room having a drink knowing you're there, so clearly he's not planning on banging her on the couch. Sure you can say 'Hey can you maybe not bring people back at half 1 in the morning, I was trying to sleep.' Aside from that, he's just talking to a friend from his friend group and probably chatting s**t about their home country.

It's not a big deal.. ​ edit: some of the advice on here is truly unhinged and a further example of just how toxic this sub-reddit can be. Folks need to start having more conversations and not leaping to conclusions, it's not healthy.

Lunasmyspiritanimal − Why not just go out and say hi and have a drink with them?

AcrobaticMechanic265 − As a non American, this is kinda normal for me, especially when we're catching up with someone we haven't seen for a while. So I would take a step back before speaking to your BF guns ablaze and accuse him of cheating.

seaotter1978 − I’m amazed how many people think they’d be ready to socialize after being woken up at 1am. I think the right call would’ve been to crack open your door and ask them to keep it down as you’re trying to sleep.

Then the next day talk to your boyfriend about not bringing anyone of either gender back to your place that late at night unless it’s an emergency, and not just to keep the party going. That it’s a woman he has some commonality with makes it feel more than it probably is, so just focus on “please don’t bring company over at 1am if I’m not expecting it”.

Poinsettia917 − Why didn’t you just put on a robe and join them, rather than sit in your room getting angry?

buxmega − I wouldn’t be too bothered by it. She brought him back his credit card. They were raised in the same area. They have much in common. It’s nice to have that common ground and actually kind of heart warming. But they came back to the house knowing you are there. Trust him.

Edit: you didn’t mention they were doing drugs. Yes I get you were sleeping but I assumed they were quietly having wine and chatting. If it were about them making noise then you should’ve noted they were being disruptive.

If so you have every right to go out there and ask them to quiet it down since you have work in the morning. With all the back story it seemed you had an issue with him hanging out with someone he never saw prior to this.

shanetheshrimp − Don't say or do anything right now, you're too fired up. Work through what it is that you are feeling, and why. Write it down.. Do your best to sleep, and revisit it in the morning.

Outside-Ad-1677 − If he was gonna cheat he’d have gone back to her house for wine….not brought her home where he knows you’re in bed

AgentRock44 − The only thing I’d be mad about is him bringing ANYONE home at that time without clearing it with me first, especially since I’d be sleeping when they got home (and thus woken up at OP was). It wouldn’t matter that much to me that it was a girl; he’d have to be pretty thick to being home a girl he wanted to do anything with while his girlfriend was right in the other room.

This late-night saga underscores how quickly trust can wobble when boundaries blur. The woman’s shock at her boyfriend’s surprise guest reveals the delicate dance of respect in relationships.

While they navigate this hiccup, the path forward lies in honest conversation and clearer expectations. Have you ever faced a moment that tested your relationship’s boundaries? Share your stories—let’s keep the chat going!

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