[UPDATE] I (20F) caught my boyfriend(19M) with my friend(30F), but I didn’t confront them. What should I do now?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet apartment, the hum of a Wi-Fi camera captured a young woman’s bold escape from a life tainted by deceit. Just days ago, she stood frozen, witnessing her boyfriend and her lifelong friend in a moment that shattered her trust. At 20, she had poured her heart into Max, her first love, and Bella, the older friend who was her anchor. Now, with her parents by her side, she packed her belongings, leaving behind a world that no longer felt safe.

The sting of Bella’s feigned ignorance and Max’s silence fueled her resolve to start anew. As she navigated phone calls and social media updates flaunting their new romance, her heart wrestled with disbelief—how could Bella, her sister-like confidante, orchestrate such a cruel betrayal? Her story, raw and resilient, invites us into a journey of heartbreak and healing.

For those who want to read the previous part: I (20F) caught my boyfriend(19M) with my friend(30F), but I didn’t confront them. What should I do now?

‘[UPDATE] I (20F) caught my boyfriend(19M) with my friend(30F), but I didn’t confront them. What should I do now?’

First of all, thank you to everyone who gave me advice, and thanks to the people who reached out in PM. I'm sorry if I didn't reply, I really didn't have the energy at that time. A day after I posted here, I went to my apartment to get my stuff back while Bella was at work. Bella called and texted while we were packing.

She saw us through the Wi-Fi camera, and Max also called multiple times. I didn't pick up and just continued packing my stuff and left. My parents helped me, and I got most of my things. I forgot some items, but they're not that important. In the evening, Bella called again, and this time I picked up. She asked me what was going on and why I was moving out.

I told her she knows why I was moving out. Then she started playing dumb, acting as if nothing had happened. I told her that I saw her with Max the previous day. She started crying and told me she never meant to hurt me and that it just happened and how they both fell in 'love'. I asked how long they had been screwing each other.

She said they had kissed before, but that was the first time they were having s**. Apparently, it continued for the entirety of my relationship with Max. And I don't believe it was the first time, as they used to hang out often, sometimes without me when I was at school or work. I still don't get it. If you have feelings for each other, why would you use me like that?

Then I just called her some vile names and cut the call. Later, I apologized for it, I really never meant those words, and wished her luck, then blocked her. I also blocked Max. The next day, both of them updated their relationship status on social media and made their relationship official. I felt sick the whole day and couldn't concentrate on work. I wasn't sad about Max one bit.

I don't know why—maybe I never loved him. Maybe I was just too afraid to be lonely. But I still can't believe Bella did this to me. She always had been my go-to person, and I tried to be the same for her, maybe not to that degree. But it still feels like a bad prank to me. She and Max tried to reach out through friends, but most of them cut them off.

My mom told Bella's parents what happened, and they are also pretty angry about the situation, more because of the age difference. I am still at my parents' house. I'll be moving out next week. My dad found me a place and lent me some money to move out. And to the people who messege me in PM saying it was my fault because I didn't have s** with max, go f**k yourself.

Betrayal cuts deepest when it comes from those we hold closest, and this young woman’s story is a stark example. Her decision to move out and confront Bella reflects a mix of courage and raw pain, while Bella’s claim of “love” as an excuse reveals a troubling lack of accountability. Max’s silence and their swift public romance suggest a disregard for her feelings, possibly masking deeper manipulative dynamics. The age gap between Bella and Max further complicates the power balance, raising questions about intent.

This scenario echoes broader issues of trust and manipulation in relationships. A 2021 study in Psychology Today noted that infidelity often stems from opportunity and poor impulse control, not just romantic dissatisfaction (psychologytoday.com). Bella’s role as a mentor-turned-betrayer highlights how trust can be weaponized.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist, writes, “Betrayal is a breach of trust, but healing begins with reclaiming your own voice” (harrietlerner.com). Her words resonate here—the young woman’s choice to confront Bella, then apologize for harsh words, shows her reclaiming her dignity. Lerner’s perspective suggests that Bella’s excuses are less about love and more about avoiding guilt.

For healing, she should lean on supportive family and consider therapy to process the trauma. Blocking Bella and Max was a healthy step, but staying vigilant against their attempts to reconnect is key. Journaling or joining support groups can help her rebuild trust.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s chorus of voices roared in like a virtual pep rally, tossing out wit, wisdom, and a few well-aimed jabs at Bella and Max. Imagine a digital tavern where strangers toast to resilience and roast the villains. Here’s what they shared:

KurosakiOnepiece − I’m 31yrs old and don’t hang around 19-20yr olds let alone be having s** with one.. Bella is weird af

Defiant-Craft6851 − Sorry, people are s**t. You deserve so much better and will get so much better people in your life. It hurts, but take it as a sign. This was a way to get some toxicity out of your life and start fresh. Healing takes time, but you are going to be just fine. You got this

AcrobaticMechanic265 − Its almost like she groomed her lol

triffid_boy − In 10 years time you'll think back and how you're now her age. I think you'll be really proud of your younger self for getting through it and doing the sensible things (blocking) even with grace and keeping the higher ground (apologising for name calling). 

mooseplainer − Cheating is never about a lack of s**, it’s about power. You could have been giving the best s** Max would ever experience in his life, that wouldn’t have changed anything. Cheating is the fault of the cheaters only. Sorry people are being asshats in your DMs. Anyway, you did the right thing.

As a 30 year old having an affair with a 20 year old, Bella is one predatory a**hole. That is a situation ripe for manipulation, and the blame is on Bella. She is no friend, and good for you for not believing her obvious lies. Sorry I don’t have any positive advice, but you’re handling this as well as can be expected. It will get easier with time.

JustAsICanBeSoCruel −  I wasn't sad about Max one bit. I don't know why—maybe I never loved him. Maybe I was just too afraid to be lonely. But I still can't believe Bella did this to me. She always had been my go-to person, and I tried to be the same for her, maybe not to that degree.

A lot of the times, break up with your friends can be so much more painful then partners since many friendships can run deeper than some of the relationships we have. So you need to treat it like a bad break up. You grieve it, you give yourself time and distance, and then you allow yourself to really think about it, learn what you can from it, and then move on.

Know that what they did had NOTHING to do with you, and if they were willing to do that to someone that loved them both so dearly...I can't imagine what kind of miserable they must be. They will continue to ruin relationships because people that can excuse their behaviors to their good friend/partner don't really change.

The only blessing here is that you are now free of that woman before she could really f**k up your heart/mind/life. You will grow past this. She, however, will never change and will continue to prey on young, vulnerable people because people her age - my age - cut her out like the cancer she is much earlier into a friendship. I'm sorry that this happened to you.

I hope you know that you will look back and what happened and not only feel disgusted, but realize that your friend is far more pathetic than you can ever imagine right now. It probably won't hit you fully until you are her age, but it will happen and you will be as hugely proud of yourself as this internet stranger is because you handled this so beautifully.. Keep them blocked because they WILL come crawling back.

imjust_abunny − OP, I am Bella’s age and could never imagine dating a 19yo. There is something really messed up with her. It’s just weird. I’m very sorry you had to have this happen to you. No one that would willingly s**ew their friend over like that (pun intended heh) is a good person to keep in your life. I guess the saving grace is that you are now rid of both of them early on instead of having to find out years later.

Max is still young, he will get his karma later, or I guess the karma is dating Bella lol. And Bella…..she must already be at her lowest point in the first place considering that she’s made things official with a 19yo 💀. Trash deserves trash. I hope for the best for you. Keep us updated!

Dylanear − So sorry this is how it all went down, and surely you know this to a degree, but you are clearly better off without either one of them. Betrayal like that is not easy to get over. That's going to be painful and trust may be really hard to give for a while.

But you'll do a lot better in love and friendship in the future. And, yeah, no way in hell you happened to walk in on them their first time having s**. The odds are SO improbable. I'll bet a dollar she'll do to him what she did to you. She's a user and lying, betrayal are clearly is in her nature.

The_Crown_And_Anchor − OP...he's 19 and she is 30. He'll enjoy the s** for about 6 months but eventually, he'll grow tired of her expectations. They are at different stages in life and won't be able to overcome that. Plus, she's going to catch hella s**t for dating a teenager. Maybe not from her toxic friends, but coworkers and other people, once they find out, will judge her harshly. This is all going to blow up in their faces. Rest assured Karma will handle these two

mak_zaddy − Hugs friend. Both of them suck.

These Reddit hot takes sizzle with outrage and empathy, but do they fully grasp her pain? Maybe Bella and Max are just trash—or maybe there’s a twist we’re missing.

This young woman’s saga is a testament to the strength it takes to walk away from betrayal. Her steps—packing up, confronting Bella, and cutting ties—mark the start of a new chapter, one where she defines her worth. As she settles into a new home, her story begs us to reflect on trust, loyalty, and second chances. What would you do if a lifelong friend betrayed you this way? Drop your thoughts, stories, or advice below—let’s keep this conversation going!

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