BF won’t leave my scars alone and keeps bringing up things I’ve asked him not to. I finally snapped about it and he says I should be grateful?

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In a quiet moment, a young woman craves the simple joy of being seen as herself—not her scars, not her prosthetic eye, but just her. Yet, her boyfriend’s persistent touches and comments about her facial scars shatter that hope, ignoring her pleas to stop.

This Reddit user’s raw confession lays bare her struggle for normalcy, caught between love and frustration. Her story, echoing a universal need for respect, pulls us into a tense dance of boundaries and misunderstanding, where one partner’s “help” becomes another’s burden.

‘BF won’t leave my scars alone and keeps bringing up things I’ve asked him not to. I finally snapped about it and he says I should be grateful?’

I'm(F) 19 this year, my partner(M) is 21. We've been together for about 6 months. I've got minor-medium facial scarring on the left side of my face, and I have a prosthetic eye. Short story short wear bike helmets and don't be a f**king i**ot when you're with your friends.

Alright, my boyfriend has been with me for 6 months now, and for the most part, we get along well. Now I'm gonna admit, my temper needs work because I can be snappy sometimes but I've made clear from the start that I don't want to talk about my scars nor have them be touched etc. It makes me uncomfortable and generally ruins any good mood in the situation.

My issue is he keeps doing things like touching them with his fingers and calling me beautiful as if I want reassurance about the most f**king horrible thing about me. I try to be nice about it, but I just can't make it clear enough how much I hate it. He also makes comments about how I should get some stupid weird looking prosthetic with patterns and stuff and he doesn't get that I just want to look normal, I just want to be allowed to forget about that stuff as much as possible.

I guess the problem is he doesn't get just how serious it is to me and that making light hearted jokes about it just makes me feel like I'm different and I hate it. I already have stupid questions from people who don't know me well that make me feel insecure, but he knows me and has been told.

I snapped about it last night and he went off saying that I'm making a big deal out of nothing and I should be grateful he's trying. Was I being unfair? I feel like it's okay for me to ask him to leave that part of me and my life alone so I can move on as best as possible but apparently not.

When a partner ignores clear boundaries, it’s like a crack in a relationship’s foundation—small but destabilizing. This young woman’s distress over her boyfriend’s fixation on her scars highlights a deeper issue: consent isn’t just physical; it’s emotional. Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, a boundary expert, notes, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously” (Nedra Tawwab). His touches and comments, meant as reassurance, instead amplify her insecurity, dismissing her need to feel normal.

Her scars, a remnant of a traumatic accident, are deeply personal, and his refusal to respect her wishes—coupled with suggesting flashy prosthetics—shows a lack of empathy. Studies reveal 70% of people with visible disabilities face unwanted attention, increasing self-consciousness (Scope UK). His “grateful” comment further erodes trust, hinting at entitlement rather than care.

Tawwab’s work suggests clear communication and consequences—like pausing interactions—can reinforce boundaries. Couples therapy could help him understand her perspective, while she might explore solo counseling to process her trauma. Readers facing similar oversteps could try scripting firm boundary statements.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew swung in with fiery support, mixing empathy with sharp critique. Here’s their unfiltered take:

likwidrage − Implying you should be “grateful” he’s trying makes all of his efforts disingenuous imo. I understand in his mindset. He’s trying to prove he doesn’t mind and has probably made it a goal of his to make you comfortable,

but it’s not working and he’s choosing not to respect that and taking it personally that he’s unsuccessful. You deserve to feel normal and maybe one day you WILL come around, but you aren’t there yet and him crossing that boundary persistently will not help that happen.

scarletnightingale − I get what he is trying to do, and I also understand why it is making you upset. My mother also has significant facial scaring and is partially blind (from a combination of a birthmark, congenital syndrome, and attempts at corrective surgeries).

If you feel comfortable, perhaps you can sit down with him one more time and explain that while you know he is trying to make you feel better he is making you feel worse because all you want is to be treated like everyone else. Acknowledge the scars if they come up for some reason, same with your blindness, but other than that, treat you as a normal person.

That's kind of what I learned growing up with my mom. We know that my mom is partially blind and we know she has scars. We don't dance around the issue and pretend that they aren't there, we just... most of the time aren't aware of them because that has been how she has always been. She isn't 'mom who has scars', she is just 'mom'.

I think that is what he doesn't understand. You want to just be you, his girlfriend, not 'his girlfriend with scars' which is what he is making you feel and that is the point you need to make to him. You just want to be his girlfriend, not his girlfriend with scars. If he still refuses to listen, then it might be time to move on.

I am a bit concerned though about the part where he said you should feel grateful. That is what makes me wonder if you will be able to get through to him, because right now he seems to think you should feel grateful that he is making efforts to pretend everything is okay, when really, everything should just be okay and he shouldn't be pretending.

searpizza − Was almost on his side (since some people do find scars very attractive) until the 'grateful' part. Sounds like an a**hole.

Astronaut_Queen − You’ve told him multiple times you’re uncomfortable with him talking about/touching your scars, he completely ignored you and then blew up at you when it naturally made you upset. F**king yikes.

oldcreaker − You should point out that his 'trying' doesn't appear to include listening to you or respecting your boundaries.

1tounderstandit − He wants you to wear some kind of patterned prosthetic? Like, as in intended to draw MORE attention to it?! I get this vibe that he's the kind of guy who enjoys the social capital he gets from others by being with you. 'What a great guy.' I'm so sorry!

je86753o9 − You set a boundary, and he’s ignoring it. When you become angry about it (rightly so), he directs it back at you.. This is a pattern of disrespect, no matter how well-intentioned.

[Reddit User] − To put it bluntly, not even going to go near the 'grateful' comment; He keeps touching you on your body where you have told him it is inappropriate to you and have told him to stop. If he keeps touching you when you have asked/ told him to stop, he has crossed a f**king line. You are not his property, just because he is your bf he can't ignore your denial of consent to touch certain parts of your body.

Nightshade301 − The fact that he keeps stepping over your boundaries, good intentions or not, are still stepping over your boundaries. You might want to bring someone in or go to a relationship counselor that will help you to get him to realize that while his intentions are good he still needs to go at your pace and respect your boundaries in regards to your scar. If that doesn't work you might want to consider leaving him if he can't respect those boundaries.

rshipsmodsarepussies − He's making so much effort he can't even listen to your simple request to stop.. It's only been 6 months, he's one of those men that knows better what women want even after they've f**king told him the opposite.

This isn't going anywhere good.. He can't listen to a you on a very basic level so what's the point? I think you should get therapy though, maybe one day you'll be fine with your own scars. There might be some plastic surgery options you could get in future?

These Redditors don’t hold back, but do their hot takes cut through? Boundaries are non-negotiable—can online outrage spark real change in this couple’s dynamic?

This young woman’s story is a raw reminder that love should never override respect. Her scars don’t define her, but her boyfriend’s refusal to listen might define their future. Her fight for normalcy challenges us to honor others’ boundaries. What would you do if a loved one dismissed your deepest wishes? Share your thoughts—let’s dive into this heart-wrenching clash.

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