[UPDATE] Me [23F] with my husband [25M], married 3 months. He has to sleep with the TV on. It’s driving me nuts?

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In a snug apartment, the glow of a living room TV flickers as a young couple snuggles on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between them. For a 23-year-old newlywed, this isn’t just movie night—it’s a lifeline to pain-free sleep. Her chronic back pain, once aggravated by her husband’s insistence on a blaring bedroom TV, sparked tension in their three-month marriage. Now, a clever compromise has dimmed the screen and brightened their bond. For those who want to read the previous part: Me [23F] with my husband [25M], married 3 months. He has to sleep with the TV on. It’s driving me nuts?

Her husband’s apology and their new routine of pre-bedtime movies have restored peace, letting her sleep on her back in a dark, quiet room. Yet, as they navigate this fix, questions linger: is this a lasting solution, or a temporary pause in their bedtime saga? Their story shows how communication can turn a domestic standoff into a cozy victory.

‘[UPDATE] Me [23F] with my husband [25M], married 3 months. He has to sleep with the TV on. It’s driving me nuts?’

Thank you for all of the replies. It was nice to know that I was actually being reasonable in this situation with my husband. To all the people who said my husband is a complete d**k or that we should get divorced, thanks but we're okay. Nothing a little communication can't fix.

Anyways, to the good stuff. After I got all the responses, I told my husband that we needed to talk. He could tell something was up and that I was upset, so as soon as I got home from work we sat down and talked. I explained to him that while I have always not liked that he watches TV at night, I *really* do think the TV being on is what causes my back pain.

I told him that I could see why he thought I was just trying to control him with it, but that I loved him and just wanted some relief from an achey back. My husband first apologized and said he didn't realize how serious it was. I can sort of be a baby and a complainer when it comes to pain, so I really can't blame him there.

Next, I told him we should figure out a solution that works for both of us. We talked about getting some kind of white noise maker or a sleep mask for me, but I really do just prefer a dark, quiet room. He also didn't think that white noise would put him to sleep.

So, our compromise is that we are going to watch a movie or TV show on the couch every night before going to bed (he ALWAYS falls asleep when watching a movie or longer TV show) and then when we go to the bedroom we can just go straight to sleep.

It's worked the past two nights PERFECTLY. He's asleep by time the movie is over so I just nudge him and tell him to walk to the bedroom and then he falls back asleep immediately..

This couple’s movie-night compromise is a charming win, transforming a pain point into a shared ritual. The wife’s back pain, linked to sleeping on her side to avoid the TV’s glare, highlights how sleep environments shape health. Her husband’s willingness to adapt after a candid talk shows growth, but the fix may need tweaking for long-term success.

Sleep quality hinges on darkness and calm. A 2020 study in Sleep Medicine found that artificial light exposure at night disrupts circadian rhythms, worsening pain and fatigue (Sleep Medicine). The wife’s relief in a dark room aligns with this, as proper spinal alignment during sleep eased her discomfort.

Dr. W. Christopher Winter, a sleep expert, notes, “Distractions like TV can mask underlying sleep issues, like anxiety or poor sleep hygiene” (Sleep.com). The husband’s TV reliance may stem from needing mental distraction to drift off, possibly tied to mild anxiety. Their current solution works because he falls asleep before reaching the bedroom, bypassing the need for a screen.

To sustain this, they should explore alternatives like dimmed tablet viewing with headphones or a backlit e-reader for him, ensuring her dark room preference holds. If movie nights grow repetitive, a sleep specialist could uncover his TV dependency’s root cause. Open communication, as they’ve shown, will keep their compromise strong, fostering empathy over stubbornness.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crowd jumped into this update with cheers and clever tips, like a virtual potluck where everyone brings a zesty idea. It’s a mix of fist bumps for communication and nudges to plan ahead. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the crew:

TheGreatAvocado − Another win for communication! In case you need another solution: wireless headphones and a tablet or laptop propped up on a night stand on his side of the bed. Tell him to decrease the brightness setting and just take off the headphones when he's done. If you sleep facing away from him, you'll never know he was watching anything.

MyLifeUncensored − Hold up, let's talk about WHY he can't sleep without television. I had the same thing, and let me share with you how I solved it (for the most part). And let's be honest, this isn't a permanent solution. Sooner or later you're going to get tired of watching a movie EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Maybe this could be a good backup solution, but it should not be your go-to. My educated guess is your husband has a similar thing to me: thoughts that are keeping him up at night, or anxiety (which is often caused by thoughts).

He can't sleep with these thoughts, so he needs a distraction, or he will literally be up for hours, if not most the night. BUT if he watches TV, he can distract his thoughts enough to allow him to drift off peacefully, and then when you switch over to the bed, he is still sleepy enough he can still fall asleep without the thoughts creeping back in and giving him little anxiety attacks that jump start his brain back into fight or flight mode.

(BTW, if it is anxiety—and it sounds like it is—anxiety sucks. It's kind of like thinking that there is a hungry tiger in the room. Have you ever tried sleeping with a hungry tiger in the room? Not easy.). So, here's what you need to do.:. 1. Keep doing the movie thing in the short term because it's working for now.

1. Ask him WHY he needs the television, what does it do for him. Ask if it's thoughts/worries, and if so, what thoughts are they? 1. You can talk about his worries a little bit, but feel out if he doesn't want to talk about it all right away, pace yourself.

1. Find other solutions. Get a netflix/hulu/amazon account and he can watch on his phone with headphones until he falls asleep. 1. Another solution: Reading. He might be emotionally dependent on television, but a good book that sucks you in can have the same effect as television in distracting those pesky thoughts.

Getting a backlit e-reader is great because it distracts you the least, allowing you to sleep, but if not, getting a headlamp 1. Another solution: Music/Audiobook/Podcast. You can set a sleep timer on these. Like the book idea, it might initially seem like it 'won't do the trick' because of the emotional dependence on television.

1. Another solution: Get rid of/ease the pesky thoughts. This is the hardest one, and it takes the most self-work. Therapy is the obvious solution, but who has time/money for that? (I wish we all did, but that's beside the point). Making space in your day to sit with yourself, either through meditation or just 'spacing out' is key.

Don't wait for the thoughts to come at you at night, give them some time to breathe during the day. I used to be entirely dependent on television. Before I moved in with my now wife, I would fall asleep on my couch, and then head to bed, or just bring my laptop into the bedroom.

After I moved in with her, I did the phone trick, sleeping on my side and watching reruns on my phone until I passed out. I still do it some times, but I was able to ween myself off it by trying to read until I got tired, and if that still didn't work then going back to the TV thing, **but always using the TV as a last resort.**

You've already shown some great communication, but this is a bandaid fix. Use those communication skills and dig a little deeper to find an even better solution. Again, your current situation is going to get old sooner or later, so start being proactive and figure out solutions now.

this-username − Just a thought OP, but does the tv in your bedroom have 'sleep mode?' because my SO prefers to sleep with the tv on as well, so our compromise was to put sleep mode on so it automatically shuts off in 20-30 minutes (however long we set the timer). turns out she just likes *falling asleep* with the tv on, and once she's asleep there's no difference.

[Reddit User] − To all the people who said my husband is a complete d**k or that we should get divorced, thanks but we're okay. Nothing a little communication can't fix.. /r/relationships in a f**king nutshell.

He770zz − Why are these top posts when all it requires is a little conversation/communication with a significant other, which is pretty much a basic concept?

hoocoodanode − We actually sleep with the furnace fan on. She has tinnitus, and her ears start to ring horribly if it's completely silent, and I can't sleep unless there's white noise to focus my attention on. It plays hell with the furnace filters but we actually discovered it when we were trying to get the kids to keep from waking each other up in the early morning hours when they were little.

bananalocust − You guys (or just him with headphones) could try listening to podcasts, too. I find them relaxing even if I don't fall asleep five minutes in. There are a bunch of really interesting ones around 20 minutes long.

[Reddit User] − Yay! I also have to be watching something to sleep. Though if I'm woken, that's it. I'm awake. If he starts having trouble again some other compromises my husband and I have done are turning down the brightness on the TV, setting a timer (most TVs have this feature), volume down to basically 1. Also, I prefer dvds to watch. TV is too random, nothing like waking up to a porn commercial at 3am. I put on quiet and dark movies or TV shows.

FurtiveNeptune − If blah blah blah doesn't work, GET DIVORCED.. Did I do it right?

tfresca − I think it sounds like your husband has sleep apnea. I would suggest he get a sleep study done. The snoring and falling asleep during movies and tv are a dead give away. I think if he sleeps better through the night his sleep issues will improve.. Also I sleep with an eye mask and ear plugs. I can't hear or see anything. It is bliss.

Redditors applauded the couple’s teamwork, tossing out fixes like wireless headphones or addressing potential anxiety behind the husband’s TV habit. Some warned the movie routine might fade, urging deeper solutions. Do these insights pave the way for lasting peace, or are they just popcorn-fueled optimism? One thing’s sure: this couple’s glow-up has everyone talking.

This young couple’s shift from TV-fueled tension to movie-night harmony proves communication can soothe even the most stubborn spats. By prioritizing her health and his comfort, they’ve crafted a solution that feels like a warm hug. Yet, with potential challenges like repetitive routines or underlying sleep issues, their journey isn’t over. Staying open to new fixes will keep their bedroom a sanctuary. Have you found a creative compromise to balance clashing habits with a partner? What would you try in their shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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