I think my (38F) husband (40M) cheated on me yesterday and could have been going on for longer. How do I find the truth?

On a sun-dappled beach, a mother of five watches her kids splash in the waves, her smile masking a heart gripped by dread. Her husband, the doting father who brings her flowers and plans adventure-filled days, might be hiding a betrayal. Two texts—“Come and get it” and “You’ll be surprised,” dripping with red hearts—flashed from an unknown woman on his phone. Then, a 30-minute detour to a strange neighborhood left her spiraling. Her once-secure world now teeters on the edge of doubt.

This gut-wrenching tale hooks readers with its raw emotion, as a seemingly perfect marriage faces the shadow of infidelity. Is it a misunderstanding, or has her husband’s devotion been a façade? The stakes—five kids, 17 years of love—make her quest for truth all the more gripping.

‘I think my (38F) husband (40M) cheated on me yesterday and could have been going on for longer. How do I find the truth?’

My (38F) husband (40M) and I have been together for 17 years, married for almost 15, and we have five kids, ranging from a teenager to a toddler. Everything in our relationship is great. He’s an amazing husband and father. He provides everything we have, makes sure my emotional and physical needs are met, he makes sure we're always having fun and things are exciting,

he showers me with affection, brings me flowers often, he’s everything I could possibly want. I try to be the most loving and affectionate wife I can be for him and always tell him that I love and appreciate him.  Yesterday morning, I saw two texts on my husband’s phone from a woman’s name I didn’t recognize that said “Come and get it” and “You’ll be surprised” with red hearts at the end of both messages.

I was too shocked and mentally distraught to say anything and pretended that everything was okay. I couldn't check his phone since he left for work almost immediately after the notifications came. He came home close to an hour later last night and just said that there was traffic but I was tracking his location and he went out of his way and stopped in some random neighborhood for about 30 minutes.

I thought we were in a great place so I really don’t want to believe he’s cheating but all the evidence points towards it. We watched a movie together last night and took the kids to the beach with some family friends today but I’m still spiraling over this and don’t know what to do. He has a wife and five beautiful kids who love him, I just can’t understand why he would throw all that away.. How do I find out the truth?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Suspicious texts and an unexplained detour can unravel even the strongest marriages. The wife’s discovery of flirty messages, paired with her husband’s vague excuse about traffic, fuels a crisis of trust. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, states, “Trust is built through transparency; secrecy, even if innocent, can fracture it” (The Gottman Institute). Her shock and hesitation to confront reflect the fear of disrupting a family built on 17 years of love.

This scenario echoes wider issues of openness in relationships. A 2022 Pew Research study found that 59% of married adults view undisclosed interactions with others as a breach of trust (Pew Research). The 30-minute stop, though brief, amplifies suspicion because it’s unexplained, making the texts seem more sinister.

Gottman’s research suggests confrontation is essential but should be approached calmly. The wife’s deep knowledge of her husband’s behavior gives her an edge in reading his response—evasiveness could signal guilt, while openness might clear the air. Her use of location tracking shows trust was already fragile, but snooping further risks escalating tension.

For solutions, she should start with a direct conversation, sharing what she saw and how it made her feel, avoiding accusations. If answers remain murky, couples therapy can foster honest dialogue (BetterHelp).

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s community jumped in with a mix of detective vibes and witty caution, tossing out everything from spy apps to “just talk to him.” Here’s a peek at their juicy, sometimes hilarious takes—because nothing spices up drama like a Reddit roast!

Necessary-Storage-74 − Before you find the truth, you need to decide what you are going to do with it.

Just-add − Use reverse physiology say you already know, she told you everything. We’re adults I don’t have time to ask questions and wait for a lie. I’d act like I already know and if he denies it then I’d hear him out for what happened.

rayjax82 − Most of the comments in this thread are from complete morons and their advice is terrible. Most of these people are probably not over the age of 25. Follow their advice at your own risk. Here's what to do. Have an honest conversation about what you saw with your husband, coupled with what you observed about his stopping in a neighborhood for 30 mins. Gage his reaction.

You've been with him long enough to be able to pick up on when he's being honest or not.. Could be a couple things. 1. Scam texts. I've gotten random texts that could have looked real bad had my wife seen them. I.e. 'hey baby, this is for you' followed by a neck down shot of an attractive woman in a bikini. I had no idea who the person was, promptly blocked the number and deleted the text..

2. Could be picking you up a surprise gift.. 3. Could be he's buying drugs (a problem in and of itself). 4. Could be having an affair.. 5. Something I'm not thinking of. But going right to dropping a nuke on your marriage without at least having a conversation with the man is not a very good idea. Anyone who suggests otherwise needs to grow up.

mamalilac − As someone who’s been cheated on (and found out the same day), idk, people puts hearts on everything these days…. 30 minutes and the verbal content of the texts make it seem like a pickup like some other people mentioned. Is he often late?

Does he spend lots of time alone where he could have time to go out and cheat?   If he actually hasn’t cheated and gets accused of it, he could feel like you don’t trust him and those 17 years together didn’t show you anything.

I would wait it out and be super alert. Even hiring a private investigator sounds like a bad idea since he probably can see all the expenses and would ask you about it. I just want to make sure you don’t ruin your beautiful relationship for a misunderstanding. Everybody always screaming cheating cheating and it sounds a little too premature

jamicam − Tell him you saw the messages and ask him what is going on. 

anditurnedaround − Is it too optimistic he bought you something and the sales lady said come and get it?!  It really does sound bad. You said you have a gps tracker so all you have to do is watch that. An affair is going to show being at her home or a hotel or parked somewhere odd for a long time like a park.  30min does not really seem like a reasonable amount of time to be with someone you’re having an affair with.

Maybe a wham bam thank you mam. Or a paid service. Not that it makes it any better. . I hope that’s not what is going on, but it sounds like you already have to tools to check.  There is something called keystrokes you can download on his phone. You have to have access to to his phone,  but only for about 10min. It’s inexpensive.

Then you can see every single thing he types. I don’t like this unless you really feel strong about it because I do think it’s a major i**asion of privacy.  I would keep watching the tracker since I’m guessing he knows about that and is okay with it, and if you need more confirmation maybe download keystrokes( or a program like it) 

Own-Writing-3687 − The texts and the 30 minute visit suggest he stopped to pick up something.  . Without knowing him (like you) I can't guess what.

ONLace-0527-0404 − One time I was buying something for my wife that was a secret & very sexy. Had to be special ordered. The store manager knew it was special so she sent me similar messages. My wife probably wouldn’t have been happy with the messages and in retrospect it could’ve gone bad but once I got the items, the messages stopped and my wife was very happy.

NOW had my wife confronted me, I would’ve told her everything and explained myself & let her know it was a surprise! I know my wife and she knows me well. I love to surprise her. I’m not saying this is the same circumstance but if I were you I’d just flat out ask him. If he gets mad & makes excuses the be somewhat suspicious (unless that’s just how he is). But don’t hurt yourself with the unknown, ask him, you owe that to yourself.

Enough-Pack7468 − I’m so sorry you are going through this. Is there any way you can look through his phone while he is busy with the kids, in the shower, or sleeping?. See if he deleted the texts or not. Find the name in his contacts and get her phone number and address (if it’s there) to check if that’s the neighborhood he was in?

Sometimes you can find info through googling the phone number.. Does he follow her on social media? Are there DMs? Use your phone to take pictures of anything you find on his phone so you can keep the proof without having to erase photos and evidence from his. The more information you have before confronting him, the harder it will be for him to deny. Wishing you good luck.. Updateme

oldswirlo − You just have to have the conversation. There might be a plausible explanation

This heart-pounding story leaves us wondering if a devoted husband’s odd behavior hides a betrayal or a bizarre misunderstanding. With five kids and a 15-year marriage at stake, the wife’s next step could reshape her family’s future. Would you confront him head-on, snoop for clues, or wait for more signs? Spill your advice, stories, or gut feelings below—let’s crack this case together!

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