My childhood best friend (30F) ended up marrying the guy I fell in love with (30M). I don’t want to be around either of them ever again, they are calling me immature, do you think I’m being unfair?

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In a quiet coffee shop, where the aroma of roasted beans mingled with whispered secrets, a woman sat alone, her heart heavy with a love lost—not just to time, but to her closest confidante. Her childhood best friend, her cousin, had married the man she adored, a man who’d been her beacon during life’s darkest storms. The sting of betrayal cut deep, not because they found love, but because they expected her to smile through the pain.

This isn’t just a story of unrequited love; it’s a raw, messy clash of loyalty, self-respect, and the boundaries we set to protect our hearts. Readers might feel her anguish, wondering how to balance personal healing with societal pressure to “be mature.” Her refusal to stay friends with the couple sparks debate: is she guarding her peace, or clinging to resentment? Let’s dive into her story and the Reddit chatter it ignited.

‘My childhood best friend (30F) ended up marrying the guy I fell in love with (30M). I don’t want to be around either of them ever again, they are calling me immature, do you think I’m being unfair?’

My best friend was the person I went to for advice and to talk about how much I like this guy. She had her own crush at the time too and she never told me that she liked the same guy I did. I was also very close to the guy in question. They eventually asked me to hang out with both of them and broke the news that they were dating.

He knew I was very much in love with him too. Everyone in the situation knew. I actually had a mental breakdown, because I felt so blindsided and betrayed. I want to make it very clear, that I was IN LOVE with this guy and they both knew. Not a crush, or attraction. I got to know him over the course of a year, seeing him everyday.

They both told me that I should happy for them (my best friend is actually my cousin and they were saying that at least my crush was joining my family in some way). I ran away from them because I couldnt deal with any of it. They both kept trying to rope me into being friends with them again because they missed me or idk some sadistic reason.

I'm more mad at my cousin because I really felt like she went out of her way to get to know my crush. Ultimately, I have a single atom inside my body that is happy for them and understands that they are actually a good match BUT in no way do I want to be involved with either of them.

I have had other friends tell me I am being immature and that I should support them. I told my cousin 'you can have him, but you can't have both of us' because I feel like it goes against my self respect and my self love to still be friends with her.

My life has been pretty s**t and when I met him, he was one of the few people that was actually nice to me and I felt like knowing him was like a pit stop where I recharged my love battery and was able to keep going, and I treasured him for it deeply. I did not have any love at home in my family life, I was being bullied a lot at school.

I hate to say it but without him I would probably not still be on this planet. I know I don't 'own' either of these people. They can do whatever the hell the want. But so can I. And I don't want to be involved with them because it hurts a lot.

I know I will find someone else to date and a better best friend, but again I feel like its gaslighting to tell someone to just 'be mature' and be 'happy for them'. Honestly good for them, but they need to leave me tf alone and let me go down my own path that has nothing to do with either of them. It actually really sucks because they moved pretty close to me and I actually have run into this guy a few times. I hate it so much.

I have been googling this and this seems to be a really debated topic with a lot of people saying to just be mature and support them and other people saying that its a betrayal. I think the people who say to just support them dating have never felt so deeply about someone else because to have your best friend date is just beyond awful to me.

Love triangles, especially involving close friends, are a emotional minefield. The OP’s story, where her cousin married the man she loved, highlights a painful breach of trust. “Navigating romantic feelings within tight-knit social circles requires empathy and transparency,” notes Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, in his work on trust (Gottman Institute). The OP’s cousin and crush knew her feelings, yet pursued their relationship, leaving her blindsided.

The OP’s pain stems from a perceived betrayal, amplified by her cousin’s role as her confidante. While the couple’s relationship isn’t inherently wrong, their expectation that she remain close dismisses her emotional reality. Gottman emphasizes that “trust is built through small, consistent acts of care.” Here, the lack of upfront communication eroded that trust, pushing the OP to set firm boundaries.

This situation reflects broader issues of emotional boundaries in friendships. A 2019 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 68% of friendships face strain when romantic partners overlap, often due to unspoken expectations. The OP’s choice to distance herself aligns with self-preservation, though her intensity suggests unresolved grief, possibly limerence—a state of obsessive attachment, as some Redditors noted.

For solutions, therapy could help the OP process her feelings, as Gottman advocates for addressing emotional wounds head-on. She might also benefit from journaling to clarify her boundaries and seeking new social circles to rebuild trust. Readers, consider how you’d handle such a heartbreak—share your thoughts below to keep this conversation going.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of empathy, tough love, and a dash of skepticism. It’s like a family reunion where everyone’s got an opinion and nobody’s shy about it. Here’s what they had to say:

Over-Conversation220 − Please understand that I’m not dismissing your pain, but when you ask for advice, leaving critical information out means that people don’t have enough information to help you. I’m not seeing recommendations for therapy here, but maybe seek some therapy.

Your friends did not treat you well, but I suspect that your unrequited love was not gay (or bi) and he was never an option. If this is that case, exploring the attachment (with a therapist) to someone who is fundamentally incompatible with you is a worthy endeavor..

Please note this assumption is based on your interaction on Reddit where you previously identified as a gay man.. It’s absolutely okay to be hurt. And I’m very sorry you’re going through this.. EDIT for clarity

bigjules_11 − Wait your post history seems to indicate you’re a gay man??? Is this guy you “fell in love with” fully a straight man who’s dating a woman/your cousin (i.e. there’s literally no world in which you could be together because he’s heterosexual)? Cause if so, you’re really being an unreliable narrator here…

michuru809 − I think it's actually really mature of you to recognize this situation is beyond what you can handle, and to remedy it with space. You can/should wish them both well- but from a distance and in the sense that when you think of them you'll send them a happy thought wishing them the best but not need to actually get in touch.

My grandmother had an expression: 'less said, sooner mended.' You can do less, nothing if possible- you don't need to let either of them know you're taking space, you just do it. No big announcement needs to go out, and if folks are asking why you never respond to calls or come to family things- 'oh gosh, I'm just so busy with work/school/hobbies/etc

 Hope you're all doing well, happy thoughts to everyone and hope we can catch up soon.' There's no rule that says you have to make time for people, and you should get busy in your own life with other things. Time, action, and adventure tend to heal wounds- so get out your bucket list and start ticking away at them because no time like the present!

Where you might be going wrong and getting feedback about immaturity: if anyone like family or mutual friends asks if you're hurt or upset with either of them: 'I wish them both the best.' Confide only in those you trust 100% to keep your confidence and be your (and only your) advocate, like a therapist.

The guy doesn't love you back, so it's better for you to move on from that also. It will never be a good idea to consider him as anything- from now until the end of time you should both be nothing to each other aside from polite when you must interact. But when you do see him around you can smile, nod in his direction (or waive), and keep moving. You've acknowledged him, you don't need to have a whole conversation.

Latter-Ride-6575 − I think you would benefit from some therapy to help you deal with this. Your feelings seem a bit intense for someone you never even dated

acykq − INFO. Was the guy also gay?. Your post history suggests this happened 17 years ago, is this right?

RevDrucifer − Well, this definitely sounds like something I’d hear in high school and not with adults, if that say anything.

Even_Budget2078 − OP, I am going to say this gently and please know I have a lot of compassion for you because it's clear that this guy meant a tremendous amount to you.. However. First, you all are in your thirties. Second, your cousin did not date or hook up with this guy, she **married** him.

Or more precisely, they married each other. That's a whole different thing and I really think that you need to rethink viewing their relationship, or your cousin not 'staying away' as a betrayal of you. Some facts from your comments: you two never dated. You wrote him a letter setting out your feelings, he did not respond.

OP, you need to understand that you are not the main character in your cousin's life, nor this guy, nor Should. You. Be. To ask your cousin to not be with the person she has a connection with, and he with her, to the point that they get married is not reasonable or kind.

To be angry or feel betrayed is making her marriage and life about you, and it is not. If it hurts you to see them together, distance yourself. But, this 'betrayal', she should have been loyal to me stuff is not good. EDIT: After reading other comments and your history, OP, are you a man? Could you please clarify this? Though it would not change my view too much, beyond that it would definitely make the betrayal less defensible....

Adaian5443 − I would question if you really were 'in love' with this guy. What you're describing sounds more like limerence, and that state is exacerbated when someone is going through a difficult time with other relationships in their lives.

If he really was aware of your feelings and decided not to reciprocate, then neither he nor your cousin/bff is in the wrong for pursuing this relationship. I would distance myself from them for your own mental health while seeking therapy to better understand your feelings and come to terms with how things have turned out and how to cope going forward.

UrbanLegendd − Contrary to what you say here, you were not 'in love'. It sounds like he was a good guy that helped you through a rough patch and you latched on to him because you aren't accustomed to people being nice to you.

Its not like she stole 'your' man, if he knew how much you were 'in love' with him and he didn't make a move he was just not interested in you as a romantic partner. You even say so yourself that they are a good fit for each other. You are free to do whatever you want in life, if you don't want to see them don't. but honestly this does sound like a 16yo problem not a 30yo one.

[Reddit User] − Look, you can only handle what you can handle, and if you can’t handle being around them, then fine, don’t. That is your right. It is for you to decide who to spend your time with. But be prepared for most people not to understand. You accuse them of being “sadistic” because they want to be around you.

You elevate them getting together as a “betrayal.” “Don’t date my crush,” isn’t a thing outside of high school. And you fell in love with “one of the few people that was actually nice” to you and that makes sense but it can also be really unhealthy, prone to projections. And they are not gaslighting you. You just don’t like what they’re saying. And you don’t have to! 

Most well adjusted people will not find your perspective reasonable. You are entitled to your feelings, but you are also responsible for your actions and should just know going in that if this is your stance it is very likely you’ll catch s**t. . Good luck. I hope you find some more caring people in your life and continue to heal 🩵

These Redditors swung between cheering the OP’s boundary-setting and questioning her perspective, especially given hints she might be a gay man, making the love unrequited by default. Some saw her cousin’s actions as a betrayal; others called it life moving on. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear: this story’s got people talking.

This tale of love, loss, and loyalty leaves us pondering where to draw the line between self-respect and forgiveness. The OP’s choice to walk away, though controversial, underscores the power of prioritizing mental health over societal expectations. Her story reminds us that healing often means making tough calls, even if they’re misunderstood. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this heartfelt discussion alive.

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