AITA for not apologizing for my tourettes?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine sitting down for a cozy breakfast, only to have the mood shift over an unexpected shout. That’s what happened when a person with Tourette’s syndrome, after clearly explaining their condition, let out a sudden “BEES” at their friend’s parents’ table. The host’s father, unimpressed, demanded an apology for the “display,” and when they stood their ground, refusing to apologize for their disability, they were shown the door. Even their friend thought an apology was due.

This isn’t just about a single outburst—it’s a clash of understanding and acceptance. The incident, now a hot topic on Reddit, raises questions about how we handle disabilities in social settings. Readers might feel the sting of the guest’s rejection or debate the host’s reaction, wondering where empathy fits when expectations collide.

‘AITA for not apologizing for my tourettes?’

I have tourettes. Whenever I meet someone new I say the same thing 'Please don't mind if I twitch and say or shout random things I have tourettes.' It's the first thing I say after introductions. I went to my friend's (well call my friend A) parent's house for breakfast this morning so I could meet my friends parents.

A introduced me and I gave their parents my schpeal. We sat down for breakfast. I'm twitching here and there and they seem fine with it until I shout 'BEES' my friend's dad (well call him L) crossed his arms and stared me down. I continued to eat. L didn't uncross his arms. He then piped up 'are you going to apologize?'

And I looked around the table trying to figure out who he was talking to and then said 'Me?' L said 'yes' I asked what for and he said 'for your little display' I asked what he meant and he explained that I kept twitching then shouted bees. I told him I wasn't apologizing for my disability.

I told him I don't feel as though I should apologize for my disability especially if I've already explained what was going to happen. He kicked me out. As A drove me home they told me I really should have apologized and it was rude of me not to.. Should I have apologized?

This breakfast blowup reveals a gap in disability awareness. The guest was upfront about their Tourette’s, yet the host’s father treated their involuntary shout as a personal offense. Demanding an apology for a tic is like asking someone to apologize for sneezing—it’s not just unfair, it’s ignorant. The friend’s siding with their dad only deepens the guest’s sense of betrayal.

Tourette’s syndrome affects about 1% of the population, with tics ranging from mild twitches to vocal outbursts, per the CDC. Social stigma often compounds the challenge, as many misunderstand tics as intentional disruptions. The father’s reaction reflects this, prioritizing etiquette over empathy. The guest’s refusal to apologize was a stand for self-respect, but the ejection shows how quickly misunderstanding escalates.

Neurologist Dr. Joseph Jankovic, a Tourette’s expert, notes, “Tics are involuntary, and expecting apologies for them is not only unreasonable but stigmatizing.” His perspective highlights the need for education—had the host been informed, “BEES” might’ve been a non-issue. The guest could’ve diffused tension by calmly reiterating their condition, but the host’s hostility left little room for dialogue.

The broader issue is fostering inclusive spaces. Hosts can prepare by learning about guests’ needs, while those with disabilities might consider brief follow-ups after tics, like, “That was my Tourette’s, thanks for understanding.” Education resources, like the Tourette Association (https://tourette.org/), can bridge gaps.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s serving up some bold opinions on this Tourette’s tiff, with a dash of humor and a lot of heart! Here’s what the community had to say:

Stranger0nReddit − NTA. You were upfront about your disability, so it's not like he wasn't aware. You had no reason to apologize, This guy either doesn't understand what tourettes is, doesn't believe you, and/or is just an AH. I can't imagine asking someone to apologize for their disability. That's wild.

Crazyandiloveit − NTA. You explained this can happen and why. Why would he expect you to apologise?  Sounds like he doesn't believe in ND disabilities... you wouldn't expect an amputee to apologise for not having a leg or whatever. (Well maybe some lunatics do actually, I don't know). In his mind autism probably isn't real either and ADHD can be cured by not eating sugar or something like that...

I can't take those people seriously tbh. And 'Bees' isn't even a bad word (a cussword might be more upsetting for some people if they don't like swearing in general). I probably would have said 'yeah, I like bees too' (and hope that wouldn't be perceived as offensive, I do like bees. 😅)

I do feel a bit sad that your friend didn't back you up, but we don't know their situation (father might be aggressive/ abusive or something along that line). If they regularly make you feel bad about your disability thought than they aren't a good friend. 

Briiiiiiyonce − NTA.. I’d drop the “friend” for expecting you to apologize as well.

ffsnametaken − NTA. Gross that he called it a 'display'.

Comfortable_Fun_9872 − NTA You explained your disability and that is enough. You should never have to apologise for it. Ever! And I'm saying this as a mum of SEN kids. . Please accept this internet strangers hug. 

SlappySlapsticker − He knew it was coming, did he not understand how Tourette's works? Also BEES was a pretty benign thing to utter.. NTA. . Edit: benign not inane.

fancyandfab − Sounds like A sides with their dad. You need to reevaluate that friendship

nuggets256 − Definitely NTA here, honestly I thought it was going to be something offensive. You seem very conscientious but I'd just say it wouldn't be a bad idea to apologize in a particular setting (funeral/theater) if your behavior becomes disruptive or if you say something particularly cruel or offensive but in 99.9% of cases I agree you shouldn't have to apologize for a disability

Better-Turnover2783 − Why did your friend invite you if she knew that would happen?. She's not a friend and she set you up.. A friend would have given her family a better explanation to prepare them for your visit. . Her family should have had better manners about your medical condition. No different than having an insulin pump beep during a conversation, it's not an annoying sound to turn off, it's a part of who the person is and keeps them alive.

Not sure if she doesn't believe you and was testing to see what you would do in front of her parents or what her game was since there seem to be kids making videos faking your condition online.. There is no apology necessary for any of them. They chose to be ignorant and then rude.. I hope you can find better friends.. NTA 

rockology_adam − NTA. Obviously you can't control your Tourette's and you've given the family an explanation of what's going on. While you can't expect them not to flinch at unexpected noises or movement, you can absolutely expect that people with any sense of acceptance are going to make do. While I'm going to give you the not-the-A-hole here, OP, because that dad is absolutely out of line and unaccepting....

There are going to be levels to things, OP, and the fact that your Tourette's is something you can't control doesn't mean it's something that you never have to apologize for. No one would expect an apology or even acknowledgement of twitches and murmuring that don't actually interfere with other people. But you shouted 'BEES!' at a man at breakfast. You don't get to pretend that's not disruptive.

If I'm at breakfast with my partner's family and I burp, I'm going to say 'Excuse me' to acknowledge that I've done something that may interrupt the scene. It's uncontrollable biology, it's not something I could really prevent or control, and if it's small enough, I won't say anything because I hope no one has noticed enough to care.

But if it was definitely noticeable, I'm going to make a small comment to acknowledge that I may have interrupted something, and then we all move on. Do I think that's at play in this particular circumstance? No.

The flipside to this expectation of acknowledgement of larger disruptions, even uncontrollable ones, is that people acknowledge that these things happen and then don't make a big deal out of things we can't control. Kicking you out here makes this entire family A-holes.

These takes are lively, but do they cut through the misunderstanding, or are they just buzzing around the real issue?

This tale of “BEES” and breakfast gone wrong underscores the need for empathy over judgment. The guest’s stand against apologizing for their Tourette’s was a powerful claim to dignity, but the host’s reaction shows how far we have to go in understanding disabilities. Could a bit more patience on both sides have saved the meal? What would you do if a guest’s condition disrupted your gathering? Share your thoughts below and let’s explore how to make every table a welcoming one.

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