AITAH for kicking my best friend and her family out of my house?

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The scent of freshly baked bread filled the cozy, three-bedroom home as a single mom hustled to make her best friend’s Thanksgiving visit perfect. She’d scrubbed every corner, stocked the fridge, and carved out space in her modest house for her friend, her friend’s boyfriend, and their teen daughter. But what started as a warm gesture of hospitality turned into a nightmare when her friend’s casual comment about her boyfriend’s PTSD—and his readiness to shoot intruders—sent chills down her spine, especially with a curious 3-year-old in the house.

This wasn’t just a clash of personalities; it was a collision of safety and trust. With no locks on the doors and a toddler who loved to wander, the mom faced an impossible choice: keep the peace or protect her daughter. Let’s dive into this Reddit drama, where gratitude went out the window and boundaries took center stage.

‘AITAH for kicking my best friend and her family out of my house?’

I (37f) have a child (3f) and am a single parent. My best friend (36f) used to live next door and then moved away. She was back in town over Thanksgiving. I opened my home to her, her bf, (40s), and their daughter (17f) to stay in. I have a small 3b/1b house, but she's aware of that as she lived next door for years.

I cleaned out a bedroom for her, set it up as best I could, scrubbed my house, stocked extra drinks and groceries (bc she always complains that I don't have enough to drink), ingredients to make all of the things she requested I make for her (Im a baker). I did NOT take off of work though as Im the administrator, the only one that knows how to run payroll, and I just didn't want to use my PTO.

She had her own things to do as well so I didn't worry about that. When she's in town, she normally does her own thing, sees friends, family, etc. She asked prior to this trip if they could stay at my house and I said yes, she said if it was a problem, they would get a hotel room. I assured her it was fine.

As soon as she got there late Saturday night, she started complaining.

At one point, I mentioned I needed to use the restroom and she ran in there, shut the door, and plucked her eyebrows for 5 minutes. Then the comments about not spending enough time with her started. Mind you she had been out of town all day that Sunday for other things she needed to do, so I couldn't spend that day with her before my work week started.

I was cleaning up the open food they left out, the empty drinks left lying around, etc. Monday night she fussed at me for fixing a leak in my sink instead of asking her boyfriend to, and also for carrying my 3 bags of groceries in alone instead of letting her do it. She kept complaining that I wasn't hanging out with her and I told her that I wanted to but I was making the birthday cake she had requested,

I had to make the other baked items she had requested as well. I didn't have the money to eat out like she wanted until later in the week, etc. She just complained constantly. What triggered me though was that on Sunday night, she was messing with me and I told her I would come in her room in the middle of the night to get my payback if she didn't watch out.

This was all a big joke.  She looked at me in all seriousness and told me (summarized) that I really shouldn't do that because her bf has ptsd (army) and freaks out, and if he hears someone in there, he will pull a gun on them, and that I would never make it to her side of the bed, etc. I spent all day Monday thinking about that,

I have a 3yr old, there are no locks on the doors in my house, and I can't stop her from wandering in there.  Plus she had already told my child to come in there and wake her up in the morning. I had already redirected her from their door a few times before that comment was made. It made me extremely uncomfortable and I sent my daughter to my parents for the night.

I felt like this was something that needed to be disclosed ahead of time so that I had proper time to prepare by installing locks or having my child go stay with my parents. I also felt like that comment was made to manipulate me. There seemed to be a lot of that going on while she was here.

Her bf puts her on a pedestal and she gets her way about 99% of the time and she's not accustomed to that with previous partners. I'm guessing that played into all of this. She's not the friend I once knew. I do not have anything against her bf at all, he is so kind and polite, treats her well, and she is happy, but threatening to pull a weapon in my house was beyond my limits.

I explained to her on Tuesday in a very nicely worded text that her comment made me uncomfortable and I was no longer able to offer my house for them, I did NOT get into all of the comments or anything hurtful that had gone on. Now she is claiming that I have hurt her too much and that she can't believe I did this to her.

We haven't spoken since. I don't feel like I was the AH in this situation as a threat in my house is a threat to my child, and I'm ok with losing the friendship over it. I will no longer spare the feelings of other adults over the safety of my child. But Im also not a mental illness expert, etc.

Hosting friends during the holidays can feel like juggling flaming torches—one wrong move, and everything’s ablaze. This Reddit user’s tale of a friend’s ingratitude and a shocking gun threat reveals how quickly hospitality can sour when boundaries are ignored. The mom’s decision to evict her guests wasn’t about pettiness; it was about safeguarding her toddler in a home with no locks.

The friend’s complaints—about the bathroom, decor, and drinks—set a tense tone, but the real issue was her boyfriend’s undisclosed PTSD and potential for violence. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading trauma expert, explains, “PTSD can lead to hypervigilance, where individuals react instinctively to perceived threats” (source: The Body Keeps the Score). This underscores why the boyfriend’s condition should’ve been disclosed upfront, especially in a home with a child.

This situation reflects broader issues of guest etiquette and mental health transparency. A 2021 survey by the National Alliance on Mental Illness found 1 in 5 adults experience mental health challenges, yet many avoid disclosure due to stigma (source). The friend’s failure to warn her host about her boyfriend’s triggers created an unsafe environment, justifying the mom’s reaction.

For solutions, experts suggest clear communication before visits. Hosts can set ground rules, like disclosing weapons or mental health needs. If faced with similar issues, Dr. van der Kolk advises calmly addressing concerns and, if necessary, removing unsafe elements. Readers, have you navigated tricky houseguests? Share your tips below!

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit lit up with reactions to this story, serving a buffet of outrage, support, and a dash of snark. Here’s what the community dished out:

jjwax −

ElectricBearCub − NTA. Her being very disrepectful, in and of itself would warrent you closing your home to them. Then the gun thing. Not only threatening that they'd pull a gun, but that implies that they brought a gun into your house, around your daughter, without telling you.

They are (indeed) not the friend that you once knew. It can be painful to grieve the loss of someone - whether they are still alive or not - but it seems that she does not actually care about you and your family.. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I cannot imagine how terrible it must have been.. Edit: spelling

knight_shade_realms − Nope NTA you dont take weapons to someone else's home, especially without their knowledge or content, and you certainly don't threaten them!. You have every right to feel safe and not worry about your toddler wandering about *their own home*

Pre3Chorded − Why is everyone acting like it's acceptable for someone who admits they cannot control their violence to be carrying a gun around, including on vacation? If you cannot be trusted to not shoot people in the middle of the night because of ptsd you shouldn't be owning guns, is as simple as that. Well regulated means mentally as well.

kirinspeaks − NTA. Bringing a gun into someone's house without warning them is a big no-no. You had every right to rescind their invitation to stay after such a huge breach in trust, let alone the threat to your life in response to some gentle teasing.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She should have disclosed his PTSD to you prior - you need to know how far along in treatment he is because triggers can occur and accidents can happen. You have a child to think about and the fact that she was so stone-cold about how he'd get violent and shoot?. Your friend is either speaking from personal experience or second-hand experience from talking to people close to him.. You did the right thing.

FlanSwimming8607 − Just wow!! That she did not disclose that her BF who has ptsd has a gun in your home and has the gall to threaten to use it. Good thing you asked them to leave. Your friend should be concerned for her own safety as well, If he is that triggered to use his gun.

Vegoia2 − she seems to be the one who isnt wrapped tight, you should talk to her BF, tell him what she said and how it scared you as a mother.

Ruthless_Bunny − She is treating you like a servant, saying n**ty things to you and threatens you with gun violence in YOUR OWN HOME?!?. She’s a mess and she is NO friend to you. You spent time and money and she’s shitting all over everything?. F**k her all the way back to Schenectady.

[Reddit User] − Your friend sounds like an ungrateful a**hole before the he will shoot you comment. NTA

From calling the friend an “ungrateful a**hole” to questioning the boyfriend’s gun ownership, Redditors didn’t hold back. But are these fiery takes practical, or just internet bravado? One thing’s certain: this story stirred up a hornet’s nest of opinions.

This Thanksgiving tale is a stark reminder that hospitality has its limits, especially when safety is at stake. The mom’s choice to prioritize her daughter over a toxic friendship was tough but understandable, though it cost her a long-time bond. How would you handle a guest who crosses the line with a threat—however unintentional—in your home? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this drama together!

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