Am I wrong for ‘abandoning’ my husband after he threw a controller?

A sudden clatter of plastic against the coffee table cut through the cozy glow of their living room, sending a jolt of panic through her chest. The gaming controller lay abandoned on the floor, its buttons still lit like tiny beacons of frustration. In that moment, she didn’t see a mere accessory—she saw a reminder of past aggression, and her heart pounded with the urgency to escape.

With trembling hands, she set down her own controller, whispering to herself that she needed a break. The silence of the staircase felt safer than any explanation she could muster. This wasn’t about the game anymore; it was about reclaiming a sense of calm before the storm of emotions rolled back in.

‘Am I wrong for ‘abandoning’ my husband after he threw a controller?’

Even a seemingly minor outburst—like tossing a controller in frustration—can trigger deep‑seated alarms, especially for someone with past trauma around anger. Recognizing those signals (racing heart, sudden urge to escape) isn’t cowardice; it’s an essential safety check that helps both partners cool off before emotions spiral.

When dyspraxia complicates simple tasks, the person affected often wrestles with intense self‑criticism, and that anger may come out physically. Far from being a personal attack, these outbursts are usually “anger at the condition”—a reaction to the shame and frustration of bodies that won’t cooperate. Learning to separate the behavior from the individual shifts the focus from blame (“Why did you do that?”) to teamwork (“How can we prevent it next time?”).

Trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk reminds us that “trauma leaves imprints on both the mind and body,” meaning even indirect displays of aggression can resurrect old wounds. Acknowledging this connection allows partners to respond with empathy—“I see how this affects you”—instead of defensiveness, creating space for healing rather than conflict.

Practical steps can make a big difference: agree on a simple, nonverbal pause signal (like a raised hand), practice brief joint breathing exercises or journaling to process emotions, and set clear expectations for gaming behavior. If these tools aren’t enough, seeking a therapist skilled in both trauma and anger management can introduce structured techniques—such as role‑playing, relaxation drills, or guided problem‑solving—to turn heated flashes into opportunities for growth and stronger connection.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and a bit cheeky:

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality?

Ultimately, stepping away from a tense moment can be an act of care rather than desertion. By honoring one another’s boundaries and emotional histories, couples can turn heated exchanges into stepping stones for deeper connection. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts, experiences, or game‑night survival tips below!