AITA for reminding my mom that she disappeared for six years?

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Imagine a quiet afternoon, a teen curled up with a romance novel, when a long-absent mother walks in, stirring old wounds. For an 18-year-old, the past six years have been a solo journey since her mother vanished after a divorce, prioritizing a new husband over her child. Now, seeking to reconnect, the mother steps into a world where she’s a stranger.

When she critiques her daughter’s reading, a sharp retort—“I was 12 when you disappeared”—cuts deep. Was the teen wrong to fire back?

‘AITA for reminding my mom that she disappeared for six years?’

My(18) mom and dad divorced six years ago. Her new husband didn’t want her to see my dad and so she let my dad have custody of me and didn’t exercise visitation. She contacted us last month, saying she had divorced him and would like to reconnect. Dad told me it’s up to me so I said ‘Why not?’

Things have been kind of awkward between us. Obviously I’ve changed a lot since last time she saw me. When she came over yesterday, I was reading An Offer from a Gentleman. My mom said ‘You’re too young to be reading these toxic romance books.’

I just stared at her and said ‘I was 12 when you disappeared six years ago. I’m 18 now.’ She spluttered for a moment and then told me there is no need to use that word, that she made a mistake and there is no reason to throw it in her face.

This mother-daughter clash is a raw snapshot of rebuilding trust after abandonment. The teen’s sharp words weren’t just a jab—they were a boundary, reclaiming her autonomy. Psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, notes, “When parents re-enter after absence, they must earn trust through accountability, not demands” (LindsayGibsonPsyD.com).

The mother’s critique overstepped, ignoring the teen’s growth into adulthood during her absence. A 2021 study in Family Relations shows parental abandonment can lead to long-term trust issues in children (Wiley Online Library).

The mother’s defensiveness—calling the teen’s words unfair—sidesteps her own role in their estrangement. Dr. Gibson suggests parents in such cases should validate feelings and avoid rushing to reclaim authority. The teen, now 18, is within her rights to set terms for reconnection. Open, honest talks, perhaps with a counselor, could pave the way. For others in similar situations, setting clear expectations and seeking neutral support can ease the path.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit didn’t hold back, delivering a mix of empathy and fiery support for the teen. From calling the mother’s absence a “reality check” to urging counseling to rebuild ties, the comments pack a punch. Some even cheered the teen’s sharp comeback as well-deserved karma.

Realistic_Head4279 − NTA. Accepting any criticism or correction from a parent who has abandoned you from 12 to 18 would be difficult. You've learned to grow up without her and don't need her showing up now trying to mother you. That ship sailed, piloted by her. That all said, I'm sure her abandonment hurt you.

Maybe you two can build a bridge back to each other but it will take time, time you will need to be convinced you can trust her again. She can't demand anything from you; it will have to be earned for you to believe in her at all again. She proved herself to be a parent you could not rely on. Please know that no child, including you, deserves to be abandoned by a parent.

That was HER failing, not yours. Your words to her were accurate and spot on. Sadly, she doesn't sound like someone who has a clue what she did and how wrong and hurtful it was. Likely she will never be the mother you wish for. And, yes, you were a child when she left, and you are now a young adult. She missed that entire transformation.

[Reddit User] − NTA.  She does not get to pretend like everything is suddenly ok.  She has to make amends to you.  If it were me, I'd make weekly joint counseling a condition of you having contact with her.  You pick the counselor and she pays.  You're in the driver's seat on this one. I'd also make it very clear that she has lots of work to do before she gets to resume the role of parent.

Straysmom − NTA. Did she conveniently forget that you had grown up in those 6 years? Your reply was a perfect lesson in karma :) As for her getting butthurt over

mysteresc − NTA. Damn, OP. Most people don't lead with the nuclear weapon. Once your mom is done getting treated for that burn, maybe she'll realize trying to act like your mother is something she'll have to build to.

Odd_Welcome7940 − NTA... There is a reason to throw it in her face. She clearly over stepped your boundaries because she forgot she is no longer your mom. She may be your mother. You may be working towards her being a mom again, but atm you don't have a mom.

She doesn't need to act like one and she isn't owed any respect as one. Remind her of that and tell her if she wants to work for fogiveness and reconciliation that means accepting that she deserves some reminders of who she is whenever she steps over those boundaries.

Trespassingw − She spluttered for a moment and then told me there is no need to use that word, that she made a mistake and there is no reason to throw it in her face. Oh, there is sound reason reality check. What you did - just explained why she is misjudging, which is very nice. I would not be that polite, to be honest.

Necessary_Donut_4 − She chose a man over her child for seven years. I’d have thrown a hell of a lot more in her face. NTA

Sue_Dohnim − NTA. She has no business telling you, now an ADULT, what to do. She can play nice or pound sand.

IanDOsmond − She can feel upset about that, but she needs to be upset at herself, not you.. She has missed a third of your life. You can't ignore that, nor should you have to try.. NTA

StAlvis − NTA. there is no reason to throw it in her face. *Sure* there is.

These bold takes light up the thread, but do they offer a path forward, or just fuel the fire?

From a romance novel to a reality check, this story reveals the scars of absence and the courage to speak truth. The teen’s words, though cutting, laid bare a truth her mother can’t erase. As they navigate this fragile reunion, what’s next? Have you ever faced a parent returning after years away? What would you say to bridge—or burn—that gap? Share your thoughts—let’s unpack this emotional tangle.

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