AITA for declining to have children at my birthday bar crawl?

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Picture a lively city center on a crisp Saturday afternoon, where laughter spills from pub doors and glasses clink in celebration. For one woman turning 39, her annual birthday bar crawl was set to be a boozy, carefree escape with friends. She and her husband, happily child-free, planned the event with care, giving parents months to arrange childcare.

But when a friend insisted on bringing her 4-month-old baby to the pub-hopping party, the birthday vibe soured. Was she wrong to draw a line?

‘AITA for declining to have children at my birthday bar crawl?’

I (39f) arranged a bar crawl on a Saturday in a city centre starting from 2pm, which I do every year. My husband (36m) and I made the decision not to have children. Several friends of ours have young children atm, and out of all of them, some said they could come, others said, I can’t sorry. Which is fine.

I have the parents in the group over 2 months notice to try to take their childcare into consideration. One friend said she couldn’t get a baby sitter so she said she would just bring along her 4 month old baby. I said no, that’s not appropriate. It’s a sat afternoon bar crawl in the city centre?! She has been to my birthday things many times, she knows the craic.

She said she would just come at 2pm on the day to the same pub, then there’s nothing I can do about it. And ‘who would notice a baby in a pub anyway? I said nope, I’m willing to hang out with you and the kid on other occasions, but or his one.. And now I think she’s pissed at me.

This bar crawl clash is a masterclass in boundary-setting gone awry. The organizer’s child-free rule was clear, reflecting her vision for a lively, adult-only birthday. Yet, her friend’s push to bring a 4-month-old reveals a clash of priorities.

Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham emphasizes, “Respecting boundaries teaches empathy and mutual respect” (Aha! Parenting). The friend’s entitlement—ignoring the host’s wishes—disrupts this balance, prioritizing her desire to attend over the event’s intent.

A 2022 study in Frontiers in Psychology notes that boundary violations often stem from perceived entitlement, especially in close friendships (Frontiers). The organizer’s stance wasn’t just about her party; it protected the baby’s safety—bars are loud, unpredictable, and ill-suited for infants.

The friend’s “who would notice?” dismisses these risks, reflecting a broader societal tension: balancing new parenthood with social life. Dr. Markham suggests open communication—perhaps a compromise like a separate meetup—could ease friction. Instead, defiance escalated the conflict. Hosts should state rules upfront, while friends must respect them or opt out.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit dished out a platter of sassy, no-nonsense takes, spiced with humor. From movie references to personal tales of being the kid at boozy bashes, the community roasted the friend’s plan and cheered the organizer’s resolve.

j5p332 − I’ve been the child amongst drunken adults. You’re not wrong.

unlovelyladybartleby − I'm a single parent who struggled to find childcare when my kid was a baby, and I think your friend is an irresponsible i**ot who needs to learn to take no for an answer. I was also the kid who was always around drunk adults, and there are pictures of my parent's friends feeding me beer before I could walk. You are NTA and are under no obligation to make s**tty parenting and poor decisions a feature of your birthday party.

lauradiamandis − NTA…it’s your birthday, it’s up to you who comes.

Impossible-Put-2793 − NTA.. The people saying Y T A gotta be huffing paint. You want your birthday event to be child free. Youre entitled to that. Your friend can stop by before you go or some other time.

Snurffitheboo − Okay, I've never been to a bar crawl, but isn't that when you start at one bar, and then go to a bunch of other ones? Why would anyone think you could take any aged kid to that. And worse, a baby!? She think everyone in the bar is just gonna quiet down so her baby can nap? Lol! I understand wanting to get out after a baby, but come on! Lol

AJM_Reseller − You're not wrong. It's your birthday and you don't want babies there. She's being very rude.

SusanMShwartz − A bar crawl is no activity for a child.

VilltKonaNordursins − NTA at all!! your friend sure is though! Imagine thinking it’s ok to bring a baby on a bar crawl! Also it’s YOUR birthday! You get to make the rules!

darkwitch1306 − Reminds me a scene in the movie, Sweet Home Alabama. “Look at you. You have a baby…in a bar”?

Adventurous-Mix-2027 − My mom brought me to absolutely everything and as a former child at drunk events, NTA. There are things children don’t need to be apart of and a 4 month old can’t reasonably be fully cared for by a drunk adult and if she’s going to just watch… why go?

These fiery opinions are Reddit gold, but do they oversimplify the tension between friendship and parenthood?

From pub cheers to boundary jeers, this story proves setting rules can test friendships. The organizer’s firm stance preserved her birthday vibe but strained a bond. Have you ever faced pushback enforcing an event’s rules? What would you do if a friend ignored your celebration’s spirit? Share your stories—let’s toast to navigating tricky social waters!

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