Am I wrong for not taking my brother girlfriend’s kid along when I take my niece and nephew places?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

For years, a doting uncle has whisked his niece and nephew away for summer adventures—zoo trips, beach days, and waterpark thrills—cherishing their good manners and joyful company. But when his brother’s new girlfriend and her 9-year-old daughter entered the scene, the vibe shifted. The daughter’s whining, toy-snatching, and rude remarks clashed with the uncle’s outings, prompting him to exclude her. When his brother pushed back, calling him petty, a family rift ignited.

His Reddit post spills the tension of balancing family ties with personal boundaries. With the girlfriend’s daughter labeled a “brat,” the story sparks debates about responsibility, child behavior, and who gets a ticket to family fun. Is he wrong for keeping his outings exclusive, or is his brother out of line for pushing?

‘Am I wrong for not taking my brother girlfriend’s kid along when I take my niece and nephew places?’

I have 2 brothers

They all appreciate me taking them instead of them sitting around all day with the sitter or my SIL parents since John and her both work. About 6 months ago Kyle started dating Melanie. She has a 9 year old daughter Jessica that's...well a brat. She whines when she doesn't get her way,

says

My brother brought Melanie and Jessica to my nephews birthday party (where we all met them both for the first time) and Jessica constantly complained to my nephew that the theme was dumb and said the cake was a

Her mom doesn't do much to get her to behave and Jessica doesn't really listen when she does. She's not someone I want to treat to fun things and have to supervise on my own. Kyle knew that I took the kids places years past but must have forgot or something. A few days After they finished school I took the kids to an amusement park.

On Father's day they told my parents about it and what rides they went on. Kyle asked (in front of everyone) why I didn't take Jessica with. I lied and said I didn't think of it he said to let him know next time. Well he keeps bugging me and I finally told him I'm not comfortable taking her, because I hardly know her or her mom and I've known John's kids their whole lives.

He kept pushing and said Melanie is fine with it and blah blah. I finally said I don't want to take her because of her behavior. He said she's a kid and it's not my place to punish someone else's kid for acting like a kid. That I need to be the bigger person and stop being petty to a 9 year old.. I'm absolutely not taking her, but am I wrong?

Family traditions like these outings are precious, but blending new members can test boundaries. The uncle’s refusal to include his brother’s girlfriend’s daughter stems from her disruptive behavior and his lack of connection with her, both valid concerns. Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, notes, “Adults aren’t obligated to include every child in personal activities, especially if behavior disrupts the experience for others.” The daughter’s actions—snatching toys, complaining, and ignoring correction—suggest a lack of discipline that isn’t the uncle’s burden to manage.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating extended family dynamics. A 2020 study in Family Process found 25% of adults face conflicts when integrating new partners’ children, often due to differing parenting styles. The brother’s pushiness and the girlfriend’s lax discipline put the uncle in a tough spot, where saying no feels like a stand for fairness.

Dr. Markham advises clear, respectful communication to set expectations. The uncle could offer a trial outing with strict behavior rules or suggest the brother take his girlfriend’s daughter himself. For now, his boundary protects the joy of his niece and nephew’s experiences. Readers, how do you balance family obligations with personal limits?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crowd backed the uncle with gusto, tossing out takes as sharp as a waterpark slide. Here’s a summary of the top comments that fueled the thread:

RealTonySnark −

lechitahamandcheese − Consider saying something like this: “I have considered it before but she’s just not well-behaved enough for me to take on the extra responsibility, and it’s also not fair to the other children. Perhaps we can reconsider in the future if she can consistently demonstrate adequate respect, kindness and consideration for others.”

Apart_Resident_5485 − Nope. Child is spoiled af. You said it yourself, you don't know her. What if something happens and she doesn't get her way and accuses you of something?

HellaShelle − NTA. Tell him he’s exactly right: you don’t feel it’s your place to parent her or uncle her and that’s what is required when you take the kids for the day, hence, you can’t take her.

EMT82 − Not wrong. You're not responsible to spend time with a girlfriend's poorly behaved daughter you barely know because you have a family tradition with your nephews.

If he wants to talk

One of the perks of having well-behaved children is additional opportunities they may receive. It may be beneficial for your brother to hear that. Age-approriate self-awareness is helpful in social situations and can positively impact all areas of this girl's life - they have an opportunity to help her but maybe they won't because it takes effort. Either way - not your circus.

ConvivialKat − You are not wrong. And, furthermore, you don't need to make excuses. You aren't related to this kid, and you don't know her or her Mom except in passing. Frankly, it's inappropriate for your brother to even ask. Just tell him NO, and that the subject isn't up for discussion.

Ok-Push-5253 − Nope. I take my special needs nephews to a lot of things, but they are well behaved although I would say perhaps not to neurotypical people.; I understand how to manage them and we can have fun. My older niece from another family member is a jerk. Old enough to know better, gives me a headache even though she should be easier. Nice kids get to do things.

MarkVII88 − Your brother's girlfriend's kid??? No! Don't take her along when you go out with your niece and nephew. This kid is basically a g**damn stranger.

PrincessPindy − Let Kyle take her.

thisisstupid- − It’s not your job to punish somebody else’s kid, but it’s also not your job to babysit the kid or take the kid on special outings when they can’t behave themselves. Stand your ground.

These Reddit gems mix practical advice with fierce support, but do they overlook the brother’s perspective entirely? One thing’s clear: the crowd’s cheering the uncle for guarding his tradition.

This uncle’s summer outings were meant to spark joy for his niece and nephew, not ignite family drama. By excluding his brother’s girlfriend’s ill-mannered daughter, he’s protecting a cherished ritual, but his brother’s pushback paints him as petty. As he stands his ground, the story pushes us to ask: when does saying no to family become a stand for fairness? If you were in his shoes, would you include a challenging kid to keep the peace? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack the art of setting family boundaries.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *