AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with “stripper money”?

A 29-year-old woman’s pride in her hard-earned flat turned into a battleground when her boyfriend demanded she sell it. Years ago, she worked tirelessly as a stripper, scrimping and saving to buy a spacious three-bedroom home outright—a symbol of her grit and independence. Now pregnant and planning a future with her partner of 18 months, she assumed he’d move into her place. But his refusal to live in a flat bought with “stripper money” stung, exposing a rift in their values.

Her resolve to keep the home she loves clashed with his push for a fresh start, leaving her questioning if she’s too stubborn. With her sister siding against her and her boyfriend calling her irrational, she turned to Reddit for clarity. Her story, raw and relatable, ignites debates about financial security, past professions, and partnership compromises.

‘AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with “stripper money”?’

For several years I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer. In the time I worked as a stripper, I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible (s**tty little studio flat, living off ramen, wearing old clothes) because my coworkers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income, so long as they saved like crazy.

Before I

He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf). A month ago we found out that I'm 2 months pregnant. He says this is great news, and we should move in together.

I assumed he'd be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby's room while he doesn't. Also, I really don't want to leave my flat. It's my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don't want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month.

However, he then said that he didn't want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving. He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn't want to live in my flat.

I asked him why not  it's a great flat, it's central to everything, it's spacious, it's got room for all his stuff, there's a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant) and a school 5 minute walk away, the list goes on - and he said that he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with

That really pissed me off, and I told him no f**king way am I selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my

He said that his point is if I sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale. I said

He's gone back to his flat now and he's texted me saying I'm overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. He says he wouldn't feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn't on the deed because it's my place and it

I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it's just my place and I feel I'm being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so 2 out of 3 people think I'm in the wrong here.. AITA?

Relationships thrive on mutual respect, but this woman’s boyfriend seems to falter there. His discomfort with her flat’s “stripper money” origins reveals a deeper judgment about her past, despite his earlier assurances. Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor, notes, “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” His attempt to shame her into selling her home undermines her hard-won achievement and signals a lack of acceptance.

The conflict reflects a broader societal issue: stigmatizing sex work. A 2019 study by the University of Nevada found that former sex workers often face judgment that impacts their relationships, with 60% reporting partners expressing discomfort with their past earnings. The boyfriend’s illogical distinction between “stripper money” and a new home purchase suggests discomfort with her independence, not just her profession.

Dr. Brown’s work advocates for vulnerability and open dialogue to overcome shame. The woman could propose a financial compromise, like co-owning a new property with equal contributions, to test his intentions. For now, she’s wise to prioritize her security, especially as a soon-to-be single mother. Counseling may help her navigate this transition confidently.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crowd came out swinging with wit and wisdom, serving up opinions spicier than a late-night diner. Here’s a snapshot of the top comments that lit up the thread:

t3hd0n −

grendigo − NTA. Sell your place and use the money to buy a new place huh? How much would he be pitching in on the new place since he wants to be on the deed so badly? Since he's renting I'm guessing 0. This guy is a loser who just can't hsndle that you've been more successful at life and wants to use you as a leg up.

AlectoGaia − NTA. He's being irrational. Evidently he's way less okay with the stripper thing than he's been letting on.

ShireHorseRider − NTA. I am laughing my arse off over here. He’s ok with laundered stripper money, but not traceable stripper money. Now to my thoughts: Don’t sell your flat... ever. My wife & I have a rental & it’s our nest egg. Maybe rent it out & use the $$ to pay for your next mortgage, but don’t sell it.

It’s one way to become wealthy by renting properties & living off the rent. I know a businessman who became very wealthy doing this. My wife and I are doing it because we couldn’t sell our old house.

progressivelens − NTA and big red flag that when he doesn't have a valid argument he calls YOU emotional and unreasonable. I can understand not feeling it's

If he wants to put in half and buy part of your place it makes it both of yours. Or sell and both put equal amounts into a new place then worth discussing. The stripper money argument it's ugly and also illogical. Very concerning he went there.

textilefaery − Honestly I just love the thought of a bunch of strippers sitting around backstage discussing proper investing and homeownership. NTA, you’re a smart driven woman who’s made some brilliant choices (boyfriend notwithstanding, but we’ve all been there) I also think your sister is unreasonable and possibly jealous to side with him

NothappyJane − and he said that he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with

Is he dumb? Selfish? He seems like the kind of person who would use your past against you in custody or throw it back in your face in anger if he's irrational enough to do what he's doing.  He might also just be asking for something unreasonable simply because it's been 18 months and he doesn't want to move in and take on responsibility so he can blame it on you when it doesn't happen

TheGreekBitch − Former stripper here, I was in a similar situation at one point (minus the pregnancy) and for a fact, he is doing this to gaslight you, keep you connected and tied to him, and have a comfortable lifestyle without the sacrifices. DO NOT let all your hustling go to waste by letting this man come near your bag. Let’s be honest, strippers are the best judges of men’s character. We can read them, and we know them. What do your stripper instincts tell you about this man?

bbbrashbash − NTA He didn't say he wanted you guys to have something that was yours together. He said his problem is you. He's

I vote for not selling. Financially it doesn't make sense to me. A compromise could be him moving in and trying it, and revisiting how you both feel later. Or maybe spend a couple weeks getting numbers on how much you could sell your place for, how much he has to contribute- where you'd want to move/if you can afford it/what's available.. I'm pretty sure it ends with not moving.. edit: do not put his name on anything he is not actually paying for

mckinnos − NTA NTA NTA. You’re being very reasonable and he’s the one who’s being irrational about what place to live in! Sounds a little gaslighting to me...especially that “this state” sentence. You can’t rewind time and buy your wonderful apartment with different money...why is he pretending you can?

These zingers from Reddit blend support with sharp insights, but do they miss any nuances? One thing’s certain: the internet smells a red flag a mile away.

This woman’s stand to keep her flat isn’t just about bricks and mortar—it’s about owning her past and her future. Her boyfriend’s attempt to erase her achievement with shame backfired, leading her to choose single motherhood over compromise. As she faces this new chapter, her story challenges us to rethink stigma and partnership. Would you hold onto a home tied to a controversial past, or sell for a fresh start? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this together!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *