Am I wrong for telling my husband the only way I will agree to a paternity test is if he schedules it?

Marriage often hinges on an unspoken pact of trust: you believe me because we’ve built our life together. So when a husband of five years casually suggests a paternity test for their planned—and eagerly anticipated—baby, the foundation trembles. She’s never given him reason to doubt, yet his request implies suspicion, and the emotional fallout lands squarely on her.

Refusing to become his personal secretary, she insists—if he wants “reassurance,” he must do the legwork. It sounds simple, but in every relationship test, it’s never just about logistics; it’s about respect, equality, and the silent conversations behind every request.

‘Am I wrong for telling my husband the only way I will agree to a paternity test is if he schedules it?’

Trust forms the very foundation of a healthy relationship, and when one partner questions parentage, it can crack that foundation in an instant. Requesting a paternity test—even if meant only for reassurance—signals a deep-seated insecurity that the other partner didn’t betray, undermining the sense of mutual confidence they once shared. It forces the couple to confront doubts rather than celebrate the new life they’ve planned together.

Beyond logistics, the emotional fallout of such a request can be profound. A woman who has remained faithful may experience hurt, confusion, and even shame at being suspected of infidelity. Rather than feeling excited about her pregnancy, she’s reheating mistrust and replaying defenses, which can cast a shadow over what should be a joyful time.

Insisting that the doubting partner handle all arrangements shifts more than just paperwork—it rebalances emotional labor. By telling her husband to schedule the test, she asserts that if he wants certainty, he must own the process. This stance protects her from becoming his assistant in proving her innocence and highlights that love and respect should operate on an equal footing.

Healing begins with shared responsibility and open communication. Turning a paternity test into a joint step—agreeing on timing, sharing phone calls, and discussing what reassurance truly looks like—transforms it from a unilateral demand into a collaborative effort. By addressing insecurities together and defining clear boundaries of trust, the couple can use this challenge as a turning point toward deeper understanding and renewed commitment.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—raw, varied, and full of advice:

These popular opinions can spark reflection—but what approach would you take when trust is on the line?

A paternity test need not signal the end of trust, but its handling reveals much about fairness and respect in a marriage. Should procedural burdens fall on the doubting partner, or does insisting on shared responsibility deepen trust? Have you navigated a similar test of fidelity and logistics? Share your experiences and insights below!