I didn’t invite one of my best friends to my girlfriend’s birthday and he’s upset?

Jonathan Hours
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In the midst of planning a dazzling surprise birthday dinner, a Redditor (26M) found himself caught in a tug-of-war between love and loyalty. His girlfriend’s 23rd birthday was set to be a grand affair at a swanky Mediterranean restaurant, filled with friends and her sister—but one name was conspicuously absent from the guest list: his childhood best friend, whose sharp tongue and rude antics had long grated on his girlfriend’s nerves.

What seemed like a no-brainer decision—to keep the party drama-free—turned into a stinging betrayal for his friend, who learned he was excluded and unleashed a torrent of hurt via text. The Redditor, torn between his girlfriend’s comfort and a 14-year friendship, now wonders if he crossed a line. Get ready for a story that’s equal parts heartwarming celebration and cringe-worthy confrontation, with a side of tough choices.

‘I didn’t invite one of my best friends to my girlfriend’s birthday and he’s upset?’

I'm 26M. My girlfriend (22F) is turning 23 in March and I'm organizing a surprise birthday dinner for her at a large restaurant with some of mine and her friends. We've been dating since December 2020, when we were 23 and 19 so we've come a long way, and I plan on proposing to her this year. She likes most of my friends, except for one of them.

One of my best friends (26M), who I've known since 2009 when we were 12 years old. Despises him. She says he's rude and insufferable to be around. Her friends also don't like him. I don't know why, but whenever we're all together, those two don't get along. He is also more critical of her to me than any of my other friends.

Tbf, he's like that towards everyone's girlfriend. He prides himself on being a

So of course, I'd be stupid to invite him to *her* birthday party right? I thought that was a pretty reasonable decision. I told her earlier this month I'd take her to this fancy and expensive Mediterranean restaurant she's always been wanting to go to for her birthday as a date.

What she doesn't know is I made a reservation for 22 people, 6 of my friends who she likes, 13 of hers, her sister and ofc the two of us. They all know, we have a group chat and we're keeping it a secret. Today at work, he messages me asking where his invite was.

I'm not even sure how he found out but obviously one of my friends must've let it slip, which doesn't make sense since we agreed he shouldn't be there. I explained that she really doesn't like him and inviting him to *her* birthday would be disrespectful, adding in that if it were mine he'd be one of the first I'd invite.

He tells me how betrayed he felt that I left him out like that on

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Choosing between a partner and a friend is like walking a tightrope over a pit of awkwardness. The Redditor’s decision to exclude his friend, whose “s**t-talking” persona clashed with his girlfriend, was rooted in respect for her comfort—but it cost him a friend’s trust. Both sides have merit: the Redditor prioritized his girlfriend’s happiness, while his friend feels sidelined by a decades-long bond.

This scenario reflects a common social challenge: navigating friendships as romantic relationships deepen. A 2022 Pew Research study found 61% of adults struggle to balance friendships and partnerships, often due to conflicting personalities. The friend’s behavior, alienating multiple women, suggests a deeper issue that the group’s tolerance may have enabled.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Healthy relationships require mutual respect, including how friends treat your partner”. The friend’s lack of respect for the girlfriend created a wedge, and the Redditor’s choice aligns with protecting his relationship. Gottman’s advice underscores the need for boundaries to maintain harmony.

Moving forward, the Redditor could address his friend directly, explaining how his behavior impacts others and setting clear expectations for future events. For readers, this is a nudge to evaluate your own friendships: do they uplift your relationships, or drag them down? Discuss expectations with friends early to avoid these party fouls.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crew came out swinging with opinions spicier than a Mediterranean mezze platter. From roasting the friend’s immaturity to urging the Redditor to rethink the friendship, these comments are raw, real, and ready to stir the pot. Here’s what they had to say.

LadyAliceMagnus − Tell him to grow up. And s**t talking is nothing to be proud of.

crocodilezebramilk − So your girlfriend sees your friends behaviour as an issue and refuses to be around him, her friends sees your friends behaviour as an issue and refuse to be around him.. You and your friends admit you all see an issue and choose to IGNORE it. It sounds like your best friend is the AH wherever he goes and you and your friend group just enable his behaviour to the point where he thinks it’s okay to continue to act this way.

OkManufacturer767 − Not wrong.. But dude, really.... He prides himself on being a

Local_Gazelle538 − Tell him if he stops being an AH and s**t talking then he might get invited to things. Tell him all your friend group is over it and he needs to cut it out. If something happened 2yrs ago to change his personality then suggest therapy.

[Reddit User] − He doesn’t respect her. He doesn’t care about her. He only wants to go because you and the other friends will be there. He has no place there, nor any business at her birthday party. He’s unwanted because of his behavior. It’s time for him to grow the f**k up. Don’t invite him. He needs to grow up and if he can’t, move on.

You are outgrowing him. He doesn’t like that .. he’s going to continue to act like a snotty teenager … I don’t know if it’s because he’s scared to grow up or whatever. I don’t get it especially since you say he didn’t act like this before. But he’s going to continue to act like this as long as you let him. Stop. Not inviting him was a good first step. YNW

evilslothofdoom − not wrong, it's her birthday.. Just curious, why are you friends with him?

Notinthenameofscienc − You're friends with someone who is mean to all of your girlfriends, and none of your girlfriends friends like him. He's probably incredibly rude to women, interrupts constantly, and is dismissive

When a bunch of women don't like someone, there's usually a good reason. You're not wrong for not letting him go to the party, and you're not wrong for telling him your GF doesn't like him. My big friend group in college had a dude like this in our group.

A few of the dudes were friends with him, all the women hated him, but they would defend him saying

lianavan − So you are best friends with someone who is proud of being a s**t talker and openly antagonized any of his friends' girlfriends, but he is upset you are finally not giving more opportunities to be an ass to your girlfriend whose birthday party it will be. Maybe instead of telling him to stfu and rug sweeping by ignoring him draw more definite boundaries if this is a friendship you want to keep.

ModernWolfman − Your friend is experiencing the first consequences of being a raging d**khead. It will get worse for him as y’all get older, as girlfriends become wives and you start having families and no one wants to have him around anymore because he’s still an emotionally stunted shitbird in his thirties and forties.

If he wants to be invited to things he has to learn how to act like a polite, respectful adult. You’re not the wrong for not inviting him to your girlfriend’s party, obviously, but you and your whole friend group are partially to blame for the situation because you’ve ignored his behavior to the point of normalizing it.

At some point you either need to explain to him that he needs to cut the s**t to be invited to things or just drop him from the friend group because he’s a disagreeable a**hole. You can’t have it both ways and not have problems like this constantly.

WatchingTellyNow − He's an incel in the making. You're not wrong for not inviting him to the party, but you are very wrong for not calling him out on his behaviour. Tell him straight that the lack of invite to your girlfriend's birthday is a direct consequence of his behaviour, because she wants nothing to do with him.

And unless he doesn't do something immediately about how he talks to, and about, all his friends' girlfriends, he'll be excluded from more and more things until he never sees anyone.. As people grow up, they grow out of friendships. Unless HE grows up, everyone will outgrow him.

These Reddit gems are bold, but do they nail the truth or just revel in the drama? One thing’s certain: they’ve got no chill when it comes to calling out bad vibes.

This birthday saga serves up a bitter lesson: sometimes, keeping the peace means making tough cuts. The Redditor chose his girlfriend’s joy over his friend’s ego, but the fallout left a friendship on shaky ground. With the party still ahead and tensions simmering, we’re left wondering if this rift can heal. Have you ever had to pick sides between a friend and a partner? Share your stories below—let’s dish on navigating these tricky ties!

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