SIL (F31) invited over for dinner after I (F36) explicitly stated she was not welcome?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A home meant to be a sanctuary turned into a battleground when a woman’s explicit boundary was ignored. After banning her thieving sister-in-law (SIL) for attempting identity theft, a 36-year-old found her SIL in her driveway, invited by her father-in-law, leaving her feeling betrayed in her own space.

This isn’t just about an uninvited guest; it’s a clash over respect and safety. Her story pulls us into a driveway showdown where trust frays, leaving us questioning how to protect your home from family chaos.

‘SIL (F31) invited over for dinner after I (F36) explicitly stated she was not welcome?’

My SIL is a thief. Last spring she was caught stealing credit cards from an elderly family member suffering from dimentia and spent over $20K. Shortly after that she was fired from a job cashiering at a gas station, for stealing lottery tickets. She spent a total of five days in jail before my MIL posted her bail.

When I started receiving credit cards I hadn't opened the situation became more personal. It's apparent she's moved on to trying to steal from ME directly. I received the last such credit alert two weeks ago. The beiareus notified me of a change of address, from my address, to hers.

I explicitly instructed my husband that she was not welcome over to our house under any circumstances. I worked yesterday and arrived to find my SIL hanging out with my FIL in MY driveway. I was LIVID. I pulled my husband aside and asked if I had not been clear that she was not welcome.

He insisted my FIL had invited her over because he wanted to spend the evening with her children (11f, 8m, 4f and 2f) and was concerned she wouldn't just drop them off. He said, for the sake of the children, I should just avoid making direct contact with her because I can't

I'm still angry about this. I was made to feel singled out and uncomfortable in my own home. I can't get over how disrespectful it was. So Reddit, Am I Wrong? Editing to answer some questions because this blew up. I have submitted the form to report the fraud to the government. I appreciate everyone for those suggestions.

I have also submitted a form that my husband's and children's information may or may not have been compromised as well. I have sent screenshots and a copy of the form I submitted to my attorney. I am in agreement that she will not stop this behavior until there are severe legal repercussions.

This has definitely created animosity between myself and my husband. He is away at work for the week and we've barely spoken since Monday. As heartbreaking as it is, it's definitely not lost on me that my in-laws become a non issue if we simply divorce.

I didn't flip out and drag her off of my property by her hair because I love my nieces and nephews dearly and didn't want to cause them any grief. Their mother has caused them enough problems as it is.

UPDATE: I've spoken with the Sheriff again. I showed them the change of address, but they insist that because there are currently no accounts open, and I was not having to pay back any of the previous fraud, the change of address doesn't constitute credit card fraud and she won't be charged.. Thank you all for your advice and kind words.

UPDATE: My husband's concern is primarily with the children being given an opportunity to spend time together. Our son (11m) hasn't been given any opportunity to spend time with his cousins in nearly a year.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This woman’s anger isn’t just about a driveway visit—it’s about violated boundaries and eroded trust. Her SIL’s history of stealing, from an elderly relative to attempting identity theft against her, justifies her ban. Her husband and father-in-law’s decision to invite SIL, prioritizing the children’s playtime over her safety, dismisses her legitimate fears. This isn’t a minor oversight; it’s a breach that makes her home feel unsafe.

Boundary violations strain relationships: a 2022 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study found 50% of couples face tension when family disregards clear limits. Her husband’s excuse—she can’t “prove” SIL’s fraud—minimizes her valid concerns, risking further harm. Psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud, an expert on boundaries, says, “Clear limits, consistently enforced, protect relationships; ignoring them invites chaos”.

She should lock down her credit, as she’s done, and insist on a no-contact rule for SIL, with consequences—like uninviting FIL—if ignored. Couples therapy could align her and her husband on protecting their home, but his reluctance to prioritize her safety is a red flag. She’s right to consider divorce if he won’t back her up.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit firmly backed the woman, calling her SIL’s presence a blatant violation and her husband and FIL complicit for enabling a known thief. They praised her for reporting the fraud and locking down her family’s credit, urging her to press charges and enforce a permanent SIL ban.

Many saw her husband’s dismissal as a betrayal, suggesting divorce if he continues prioritizing his family’s excuses over her safety. The consensus was clear: her home, her rules—no exceptions for thieves.

throwaway2161980 − Absolutely not wrong. She was able to steal your identity somehow and more than likely it was paperwork she stole from your *home.* Sounds like her family’s standard response is to make excuses for her and pretend it didn’t happen. You’re the odd man out for giving her consequences.

You need to have a long talk with your husband about boundaries and safety. Make sure he understands this isn’t something you’re going to bend on, at all.. Have you pressed charges against who stole your identity?

liquidkretin − 1. PUT A LOCKDOWN ON YOUR CREDIT. 2. She should absolutely not be allowed in your house.. 3. NTA !!!!

FireRescue3 − “I don’t care who invited her.” That would have been my response. Time to reset. Make it clear to husband to make it clear to his entire family. She is not welcome. If she arrives again, not only will she be asked to leave, there will be consequences for whoever invited her. Yes, it’s hard and uncomfortable.

I’ve had to stop my FIL from inviting people to my home. I’ve had to have my husband un-invite people after FIL didn’t listen. And yes, I have refused in person to that person’s face to allow them in my home. Was it fun? No. Was she outraged? Yes. Did that five minutes solve a whole bunch of problems? Yep. Totally worth it.

Tmpowers0818 − Your husband is the AH along with your FIL. Tell them the word no means no

Sub_pup − Your address was changed to hers but you can't prove she was responsible? What is the threshold for proof? That is proof enough and anybody who says otherwise is just aiding her in her theft.

baboonontheride − You are not wrong, and you have a husband problem. I think you already know that, though.

Independent_Heat2676 − Tell your husband doesn't matter what the reason she is banned permanently and you will be filing for a protective order and you are locking down your accounts and credit and flagging your credit

OkMarionberry6677 − #Freeze your children’s credit as well.

Potential-Leave3489 − Oh, I would have lost my mind

[Reddit User] − Why does your FIL feel entitled to visit with his grandkids at your house? Does he live with you? Either way me being me, I would tell her I KNOW what she is doing and I'm in the process of pressing charges and tell her yourself she's not welcome at/in/near your home ever again. Your husband obviously can't be relied upon in this situation.

This wasn’t just an uninvited guest—it was a betrayal of trust. Her SIL’s driveway appearance, against her explicit ban, exposed cracks in her marriage and family respect. As she fights to reclaim her sanctuary, it’s a reminder that boundaries are non-negotiable. How do you enforce limits with family? Share your story—what’s your line in the sand?

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