Am I wrong for kissing another man under mistletoe despite my bf telling me it was ok?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A festive Christmas party turned into a relationship minefield when a mistletoe kiss, egged on by a boyfriend’s insistence, led to a gut-wrenching fight. A 26-year-old woman, caught between playful pressure and her partner’s sudden regret, now questions if she’s to blame for a moment that’s shaken their future.

This isn’t just about a holiday peck; it’s a tangle of trust and miscommunication. Her story drops us into a lively party where fun flips to heartbreak, leaving us wondering who’s really at fault.

‘Am I wrong for kissing another man under mistletoe despite my bf telling me it was ok?’

It's really late where I live, everyone I could contact for advice is asleep and so I'm here instead. I'm completely freaking out over this so apologies if there are grammar mistakes. Also this is a burner account, my friends know my other one..

My bf 'Nick' (m29) and I (f26) went to a Christmas party his cousin was hosting. His cousin is really into community get-togethers so a lot of their neighbors were there as well as some family members of theirs. Someone brought a piece of mistletoe and was going around the party getting people to kiss..

Towards the end of the night, I was sitting on one of the sofas talking to their family friend 'John' (m37). I've met him quite a few times before so we were chatting for a while and just joking around.

Nick was by the kitchen part of the room talking to his cousins and some childhood friends (The house is open planned so their living room, dining room and kitchen is all one big room).. At this point, a neighbor I'm not too familiar with came over with the mistletoe for John and I to kiss under.

I understood that this neighbor didn't know me or that I'm with Nick, so I laughed it off and said I'll skip my turn. This neighbor seemed drunk and was being loud, insisting that it's a tradition, that we had to do it, and all that kind of stuff..

John went to move away when Nick and one of his friends noticed the commotion and joined in. I think Nick saw it as a joke and hence found it funny to join in encouraging John and I to kiss. I told him (as in Nick) why doesn't he get over here and I'll kiss him instead but Nick kept insisting that I give John a kiss.

It was extremely awkward for the both of us. John kept trying to change the topic and even got up to leave but Nick seemed serious about it as his tone changed from being jokey to serious..

I said to John that I don't mind kissing the side of his mouth/ cheek and he said as long as it's ok with everyone and if it'll make them shut up then fine. And so I kissed him by the corner of his mouth. That was it, everyone dispersed and Nick didn't seem bothered about it and even cheered before going back over to his cousins..

While driving home, Nick was quiet so I asked what was wrong. He said that he didn't think I would actually kiss John and that it left a bad feeling in his gut. I said that I only did it because he was encouraging it, seemed like he didn't mind the kiss considering the circumstances and because I thought it was in good fun.

This led to a big fight that I won't go into but it ended in Nick saying that he was thinking about proposing to me on Christmas but that this

A mistletoe kiss should spark laughs, not a relationship crisis, but this woman’s boyfriend set a trap she couldn’t escape. Nick’s encouragement—turning serious when she hesitated—put her in an impossible spot, pressured by a drunk crowd and his own insistence. His post-party regret, claiming a “bad feeling” and hinting at a canceled proposal, reeks of manipulation, punishing her for following his lead. This isn’t about the kiss; it’s about control.

Public pressure can muddy boundaries: a 2022 Journal of Social Psychology study found 40% of people feel coerced into uncomfortable acts at social gatherings, especially under alcohol’s sway. Nick’s shift from jokey to stern, ignoring her offer to kiss him instead, suggests he was testing her loyalty—a toxic move. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual trust, not tests that breed resentment” (.

Her instinct to diffuse the situation with a cheek kiss was reasonable, given the context, but Nick’s reaction shows deeper issues—perhaps insecurity or a need to dominate. Couples therapy could unpack his motives and rebuild communication, but only if he owns his role. For now, she should stand firm, explaining she acted under his pressure, and assess if his manipulative streak is a dealbreaker.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit rallied behind the woman, slamming Nick as manipulative for pushing her to kiss John, then guilt-tripping her after. They called his proposal mention a cruel tactic to hurt her, not a genuine plan, and labeled his behavior a red flag—possibly a loyalty test or projection of his own insecurities.

Many urged her to reconsider the relationship, citing his refusal to take accountability and the unfairness of her sleeping on the couch. The consensus? She dodged a bullet with a partner who plays games instead of communicating.

fangirl_queen_69 −

You said no, you volunteered your boyfriend in John's place, and he still kept insisting you kiss John. I've heard of testing people in a relationship (which is wrong) but this is a whole different level

shontsu − It does put things into perspective.. Nicks a wanker. Bloody hell, he can't tell you to do something. Practically force you by the sounds of it, and then blame you. And why the heck are you on the couch?. I hate every part of this story. I really REALLY don't like Nick.

Rpanich − I told him (as in Nick) why doesn't he get over here and I'll kiss him instead but Nick kept insisting that I give John a kiss. I mean, you didn’t want to. He pushed you into doing something you didn’t want to do, and now he’s mad at you?

If someone’s willing to cancel a proposal over you doing something he TOLD you to do, it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Hell, why even tell you he was “thinking” about it other than to make you feel worse? I bet he was as serious about the proposal as he was about encouraging the kiss.

Twinstonedad − Seems like Nick is at the win stupid prizes portion of the game he's playing and doesn't like it.

Certain_Category1926 − He's a manipulator.

bumbling_womble − Don't marry this p**ck

SeaAttitude2832 − Alcohol changes all perspectives. He put you in the spot. You didn’t want any part of it. Wasn’t like he laid a big French kiss. Remind him it was under his insistence that you did. Him being an asshat has made you put things in perspective too. NTA.

Famous-Magazine-24 − Your boyfriend is a loser and sounds like he hangs out with losers.. So that’s cool for you to learn now instead of after he proposed.

slayingyourdemons − So he was testing you to see if you'd actually kiss John?? Thats f**king psychotic

Ok_Leader_7624 − NTA. If this had happened at work with only coworkers, and they were trying to get you to kiss another coworker even tho you kept refusing, only stopping once you actually kissed the other person, they would be in HR for harassment the next business day

This mistletoe mishap wasn’t about a kiss—it was about trust betrayed. Nick’s push and pull left her doubting herself, but his reaction reveals more about his control than her actions. As she sleeps on the couch, it’s a wake-up call to demand respect or walk away. How do you handle a partner’s mixed signals? Share your story—what’s your move to keep trust intact?

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