Am I wrong for telling my sister to STFU about getting married and having kids?

A sisterly catch-up call turned into a clash of worlds when a traditionalist tried to rope her career-driven sibling back into the fold. A 28-year-old attorney, thriving as a single atheist, snapped at her sister’s preaching about marriage, kids, and God, igniting a family firestorm.

This isn’t just about a heated hang-up; it’s a stand for living true to oneself. Her story drops us into a Southern saga where independence battles expectation, leaving us wondering how we’d handle family meddling.

‘Am I wrong for telling my sister to STFU about getting married and having kids?’

I (28f) come from a very traditional southern American household, and since I was little, the expectation was that my brothers would get lucrative jobs, while my sisters and I would get married and have kids asap. Most of my siblings and I ended up fairly open minded and modern thinking, except for my sister Stephanie (25f, fake name).

This never really bothered the rest of us, save for my parents’ favoritism towards her because she conformed to their ways, but c’est la vie, we’re over it. Anyway, I became distant from Steph and my parents when I went to college against my parents’ wishes.

Three years later, Steph got married right out of highschool to a guy from my parents’ church and became even more of the apple of their eyes. Meanwhile, I went to law school on loans and scholarships, and though it’s been difficult, I’m now a successful attorney in a big city.

I’m single as a Pringle and definitely not looking to mingle lol, much to my parents’ chagrin. But I have my cats and my friends, and that’s all I need. Steph, on the other hand, has three kids with a fourth on the way and hasn’t pursued any career or education, though to her credit she seems happy enough to take care of the kids and house while her husband provides.

I’m happy that she’s happy, that being said I’ve put considerable distance between me and her and my parents, the reason is because the last time I visited home, the three of them tried to set me up with some random dude from their church.

I’d never met him in my life, but apparently that didn’t matter the them because he was from a “good, god fearing family” and his parents were friends with mine. It was also on this trip home where I finally told them I wasn’t a Christian anymore. Since then, the distance has been mutual.

Anyway, last week Steph called me up under the guise of catching up as sisters, but then she said that she was “concerned” that I was approaching thirty and unmarried. She said all this stuff about how I was running out of time to get married and have kids, and that I needed to come back “into the light of god”, but all I heard was our parents words in her voice.

I said, “Steph, I love you, but please shut the f**k up. I’ve accepted that you’re a Christian house wife, so why can’t you accept that I’m an atheist career woman? Is it really so hard to let me live my life?”

She shouted something about heresy and how dare I speak to her like that, then hung up. Now my parents are blowing up my phone, and although the rest of my siblings are on my side, I was wondering if I was wrong here.

Telling your sister to “shut up” might sound harsh, but it was a cry for respect in a family stuck on tradition. Stephanie’s lecture—echoing their parents’ playbook—pushed a narrative that her attorney sister’s thriving life is incomplete without a ring and kids. That’s not concern; it’s control. Her clapback, blunt as it was, drew a line: my life, my rules.

Family pressure to conform is common: a 2021 Journal of Family Issues study found 50% of young adults face pushback for defying traditional roles. Here, the sister’s “concern” reeks of judgment, amplified by religious differences.

Psychologist Dr. Ryan Howes says, “Boundary-setting with family requires clear, firm communication, even if it ruffles feathers” (source). Her STFU was less diplomatic but effective in halting the sermon.

To keep peace, she could try a calmer reset later, like, “I’m happy as is—let’s respect our differences.” Low contact with parents might help, too, if they keep fanning the flames. Readers, carving your path means standing firm—what’s one way you’d deflect family expectations?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit overwhelmingly supported the woman, praising her for standing up to her sister’s intrusive nagging about marriage and kids. They viewed Stephanie’s lecture as judgmental and controlling, reflecting outdated family expectations rather than genuine concern.

Many criticized the religious overtones and parental favoritism, calling her response justified, if blunt, in asserting her independence. The consensus was clear: she’s right to live her life as a single, atheist career woman, and her family should respect her choices, not preach. Suggestions leaned toward maintaining distance to avoid further conflict.

thrownededawayed − NTA. I've found that religious people are sometimes like an aroused dog, sometimes you gotta give them a little smack on the nose to get them to stop humping you.

FoggyDaze415 − NTA. When they come begging for money, and they will, remember this. . Also keep in mine that if your BIL dies or leaves or gets abusive your sister is stuck. 

bokatan778 − Not wrong at all. Your family sounds incredibly exhausting and frustrating. Try to put them out of your mind and enjoy a good, quiet meal with no loud kids and play with those kitties!!

Beneficial_Syrup_869 − I don’t think you’re wrong at all. I’ve dealt with many versions of your sister, oh so holy cause they “have the perfect” American life. What you have is your perfect American life, i have mine and the person reading this right now has their version, we can all make them better but that depends on our individual needs.

Spinnerofyarn − You're not wrong, you smart, wonderful, successful heretic, you! You're allowed to stop answering their phone calls and texts.

UpDoc69 − I'll bet Travis Kelce's [three] superbowl rings that your family are Bible-thumping Baptist. I was raised in that cult in Texas. Going to Viet Nam blew that right out of my soul. You're not wrong!. Edit: changed two to three

SnooWords4839 − NTA - She wants you to fall in line with a religion you no longer follow. It sounds like you need to go lower contact with sister and parents.

PirateRipley − Single, successful cat ladies unite!!

jacksonlove3 − Nope, and it’s hilarious how judgmental and hypocritical Christian people usually are. You were even polite when you asked her to STfU, more so than I would’ve been!

Beaniebot − Fani Willis had words every female should live by, “A man is not a plan. He’s a companion.”

This sisterly spat wasn’t about marriage—it was about freedom. Her sharp words cut through years of family pressure, claiming her right to a life unscripted by tradition. As phones ring unanswered, it’s a reminder to live boldly, even if it means ruffling feathers. How do you handle family who won’t accept you? Share your story—what’s your secret to staying true?

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