Am I wrong for Telling a Girl I Won’t Date Her Because She’s a Single Mother?

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In a whirlwind of witty banter and shared passions, a 24-year-old man thought he’d found a spark with Sarah, a vibrant woman whose humor lit up their dates. Their chemistry felt effortless—until she shared a life-altering truth: she’s a single mom to a 3-year-old.

Caught off guard, he wrestled with his feelings, ultimately choosing honesty over a future he’s not ready for. His gentle rejection, though, left Sarah stung, and now Reddit’s abuzz. Was he fair to walk away, or did his choice unfairly wound a devoted mom?

‘Am I wrong for Telling a Girl I Won’t Date Her Because She’s a Single Mother?’

I (24M) recently met this incredible girl, Sarah (23F), through a mutual friend. From the jump, we clicked on so many levels she's hilarious, smart, and we share a lot of interests. After a few great dates, I thought we might really have something special. A couple of weeks ago, Sarah sat me down and shared something important—she has a 3-year-old son.

She had him when she was young, and the father isn't involved at all. She told me she has a solid support system and manages everything well, but honestly, I was caught off guard. I hadn’t even considered the possibility that she might be a mom. I took a few days to think it over and realized that I’m just not ready for that kind of responsibility.

It's not that I have anything against her or her son—it's just that I’m still figuring out my own life. I knew I had to be honest with her, so we met up for coffee. I told her, as gently as I could, that while I think she's amazing, I don’t think I’m ready to be involved with someone who has a child. I explained that it's more about where I am in my own life and less about her or her son.

She seemed to understand, but I could tell she was hurt and disappointed. Later, our mutual friend told me that Sarah felt really judged and hurt by my decision. She said it was unfair to dismiss her just because she's a single mom and that I should have given it more of a chance.

Now I’m feeling really conflicted. On one hand, I believe it’s better to be upfront about my feelings rather than leading her on. But on the other hand, I hate the idea that I might have made her feel bad about something she can’t control.

Dating a single parent isn’t just a romantic leap—it’s a lifestyle shift. The Reddit user’s decision to step back from Sarah reflects a mature acknowledgment of his limits. Dr. Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist, notes, “Choosing not to date someone with children is a valid preference, not a judgment on their worth” (Psychology Today). The man’s honesty, though painful for Sarah, prioritized clarity over false promises.

Sarah’s hurt is understandable; rejection stings, especially when tied to her role as a mom. Yet, the man’s reasoning—being unready for parental responsibilities—shows self-awareness, not prejudice. A 2022 study found 54% of young adults prioritize personal goals over family commitments (Pew Research). His choice aligns with this trend, focusing on his own path.

The broader issue? Dating as a single parent often means navigating mismatched expectations. Sarah’s delay in sharing her son’s existence may have aimed to build connection first, but transparency early on could ease such conflicts. Advice: Both parties should communicate dealbreakers upfront.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit jumped into this heartfelt dilemma with gusto—grab your coffee for these candid takes:

draynaccarato − You’re not wrong. You handled it with kindness and maturity.

Mojitobozito − You're not wrong. You didn't gut react but took time and considered it to realize that's not for you. You explained it well by telling her it's just not where you are in your life and thats both valid and very understandable. Of course she's going to feel disappointed but that's part of dating.

You're both getting to know each other and decide if you fit into each other's lives. It could have been a number of reasons you didn't work.. As long as you're kind, honest, and compassionate you aren't doing anything wrong.

ghjkl098 − NTA You don’t owe her dates when you already know it isn’t what you want

SockMaster9273 − NTA. This should have been disclosed from the very beginning. Having a kid is a big deal and can make make big changes. You are well within your right to say you don't want to date someone with kids.

FitOrFat-1999 − NTA. Sarah and her son are a package deal. Unless you just remained friends sharing interests (hiking, D&D, whatever) at some point she would be looking at you as a daddy figure should the romantic relationship continue. If you're not up for that best to say so now. Would Sarah rather you be one of those guys who strings her along and then ghosts her, or says hey I can only see a future for us if you d**p the kid? I doubt it.

NewdWanderer − Honesty doesn’t always feel good but always best in the end.

Diligent_Read8195 − I was a single mom & anyone I was interested in knew it from the start. I don’t understand why she hid it at first.

No-Sun-6531 − When you date someone with kids, in a lot of ways the kid comes first. If it gets serious and you marry her, you are taking on the responsibility of a parent. It’s not judging her, you’re just not ready for that level of life changing responsibility and it’s very respectable that you acknowledge that instead of leading her on.

SomeRazzmatazz339 − Not wrong. There was a reason she delayed advising you of her child. She was hoping you would fall hard enough for her that the kid wouldn't seem such an obstacle.. Your response was well reasoned and kindly delivered. Just for curiosity's sake. If she had told you when you first met, would there have been a first date? And if she told you during the first date, would there have been a second.

changelingcd − NTA. You will always be #2 as a partner to any parent, and you have to fully accept their kid as well. That's a lot more complex than the usual dating in your 20s. You were polite, and she has no reason to be mad.

These Reddit opinions pack a punch, but do they nail the nuance or miss the mark? One thing’s clear: dating debates get everyone talking.

This Reddit user’s candid choice to walk away from a budding romance highlights the messy truth of dating: honesty can hurt, but it’s better than pretense. His story stirs up questions about love, responsibility, and personal readiness. Have you ever faced a dealbreaker that stopped a relationship in its tracks? Jump into the comments—what would you do in his shoes?

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