Am I wrong for not believing my brother’s apology after he confessed to me that he was in love with my husband?

A hospital bed became an unexpected stage for a family reckoning when a woman’s estranged brother, shaken by her car accident, poured out a decade’s worth of regret. His confession—that he was in love with her husband, his former best friend—unraveled years of icy silence and cruel words. Gifts and pleas for coffee followed, but the wounds of his past hatred, especially toward her children, linger like stubborn scars.

This tale of buried love and broken bonds crackles with raw emotion. Can a tearful apology mend a family fractured by unrequited longing, or is trust too far gone?

‘Am I wrong for not believing my brother’s apology after he confessed to me that he was in love with my husband?’

My (29F) brother (34M) and my husband (35M) were friends since they were babies until we started dating almost nine years ago. When we started dating my brother started treating me horribly and cut contact with both of us. He didn't attend our wedding nor did he want to meet our children (7F, 5F, 3F, 10moM)we only see each other at family gatherings and we ignore each other completely.

Well, long story short, one of our sisters (31F) who was always in contact with him told him that I had an accident and was in the hospital, it wasn't anything serious, I was just involved in a car crash and since I'm pregnant I was hospitalized but everything is fine,

but my sister still called him to tell him, and judging by his actions I know that he probably thought I could die because he showed up at the hospital and was terrified, he wasn't the same person who has been hating me for the last nine years for dating his best friend.

He cried and apologized in a thousand ways and said things that I dont think is right to share for privacy, I will only say that he confessed to me what I have been suspecting for months. He is gay and was in love with my husband for years when they were still best friends.

He confessed to me that that was why he hated me, that he thought that my husband could feel the same as him but that as he settled down with me he knew that that wasnt possible, According to him, he has been in love with my husband since they were in high school but he no longer feels anything for him because he finally understood that he doesn't feel the same way.

And to be honest, I feel so confused because it's not easy to process that information, let alone forgive after so much hate and pain, because he not only hurt me with his indifference, he also hurt my children when he ignored them at family parties every time they wanted to meet him,

he also hurt my husband, who was nothing more than an amazing friend and an amazing partner, and when I say that he was (and is) an amazing partner, I really mean it because he never hurt me and even respected our promise of celibacy until marriage (It has nothing to do with religion but with a choice I made from a very young age) to prove that he was serious about us.

He did everything he could to prove to everyone, including my brother, that he wanted to start a family with me and that he wasn't going to hurt me, but my brother didn't care, he just cut him off, and I know how much that hurt my husband because he considered him a brother so I don't know how to forgive all that because he hurt me and my family.

That day I didn't say anything to him because I didn't think his apology was sincere, and the fact that he was in love with my husband shocked me so much that I didn't know what to say either. A few days ago he sent gifts to my house for my children and a letter telling me that he wanted me to forgive him,

that he knows that earning my forgiveness or that of my husband will not be easy but that he wants to try. My husband believes he is being sincere but I don't know, I think that maybe he only acted like that because I was hospitalized because under other circumstances he would never have apologized.

I ignored him and the other day he called me after years to tell me that he wants to have coffee to talk, but I'm not sure I want to do it, I don't know if I want to risk him hurting me again, he has hated me for years and I honestly don't think his apology is sincere, am I wrong for not believing him?

A brother’s confession of loving his sister’s husband explains his venom but doesn’t erase the pain of nine years of cruelty. The woman’s skepticism about his apology is understandable—his sudden remorse, triggered by her hospitalization, feels conditional, and his past insults and neglect of her children cut deep. Her husband’s openness to forgiveness contrasts her caution, highlighting the complexity of rebuilding trust after profound betrayal.

Unrequited love can fuel destructive behavior. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Psychology notes that suppressed romantic feelings within close relationships often lead to resentment and estrangement, as seen here. The brother’s coming out adds another layer, but his apology must address the harm, not just his own relief.

Psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert in family estrangement, says, “Forgiveness requires consistent actions, not just words, to rebuild trust.” The brother’s gifts and outreach are a start, but rushing reconciliation risks re-trauma. The woman could agree to coffee but set firm boundaries: no contact with her children until trust is earned. Slow, one-on-one talks might clarify his motives.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit dove in with empathy and tough love, weighing the brother’s remorse against years of hurt. Here’s their take:

manchvegasnomore − Sometimes you need a kick in the ass to reASSess. He heard you were hurt and it provoked change. He realized his issues hurt y'all's relationship. He realized his love was never going to be reciprocated. He realized he could lose you while estranged.. He sounds remorseful and honest. I would give it a chance.

AWindUpBird − As the wronged party, it's your prerogative to do what you're comfortable with. *He* may be feeling sorry and ready to move on, but that doesn't mean the hurt from the last 9 years just evaporates for you. If you aren't ready to reestablish contact, take all the time you need. Just because he's ready now doesn't mean that you have to do things on his timeline. If and when you do feel like opening things back up, do it slowly. This should be entirely on your terms.

Bitter_Ad212 − You aren't wrong to be cautious or nervous. Your brother may be very sincere and have pure intentions. However, years of hurt don't vanish instantly. Be open to mending your relationship with your brother. Tell him you're willing to talk, but at a slower pace than what his.

Snowybird60 − Sometimes it takes the fear of losing someone to wake a person up. Life's too short to hold lifelong grudges.

RNGinx3 − Not wrong. You're struggling to process what your brother has known for years. He has hurt you and your husband, and more importantly, he has hurt *your children!* I don't know if I could forgive that last (seen as how I cut my own mother off for the same thing). And a part of me would always wonder if he was genuinely over my husband, or using this as an excuse to get close to him again.

People say things like

tristanjones − He may be sincere but it doesnt undo his behavior and your loss of trust in him as a person. It may be not that you don't believe his apology as much as you dont trust him as a person anymore. That is fair, believing his apology or its sincerity isnt the same as trusting him as a person or being open to letting him back into your lives.

VanillaCookieMonster − Personally, I would tell him that I need time to process this and think about it. Nothing is changing right now and you have no intentions of talking to him over the holidays. You'll give his gestures some thought in January of 2024 and let him know then.. He did this for YEARS.

You don't need to make a decision now and tell anyone that pressures you to back off or you will Block them for a few months.. In January you can think it over. You can even decide at that point that you forgive him BUT you never want a relationship with him or to talk to him ever again..

He said some pretty horrible and unforgivable things.. Just because HE wants a coffee right now doesn't mean he gets one now.. Let's see if he is still keen to reconnect in a few months from now. Even then, I would agree only to one-on-one conversations for a year - no access to kids or your husband until at least January 2025.. During the next year you will figure out if there are other motives pushing him now.

MsTyffani − I don’t think you’re wrong, but I do encourage you to give yourself time to process what your brother told you and his reasoning. Whether you forgive him or not is up to you, and definitely don’t feel as though you have to respond immediately.

l3ex_G − You’re not wrong, hes been s**tty to you for years. Why does it take him 9 years to mature but you have to forgive him right away. Take your time. Put off the decision for a few months until you’re healed. If he can’t respect your need for space then he hasn’t changed at all.. This forgiveness will be given on your terms, not his.

Rough_Theme_5289 − He could be sincere but you’re not wrong . Cutting off your own sibling bc you’re secretly in love with their spouse is pretty way out there , it’s understandable if there’s no coming back from that for you .

These opinions pack a punch, but do they balance the brother’s pain with the family’s scars? Reddit’s split on forgiveness, but is time the real decider?

This hospital-born confession twists love, hate, and healing into a knotty family saga. The woman stands at a crossroads: embrace her brother’s olive branch or protect her heart from past wounds. His tears and gifts hint at change, but trust is a slow burn. Should she sip coffee with him or keep her distance? It’s a question that hums with heartache. What would you do when a sibling’s apology unearths hidden love? Share your thoughts—let’s untangle this drama!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *