Am I wrong for not wanting to attend my friend’s wedding because she won’t let my husband be my plus one?

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Picture a bride-to-be, plotting not just her big day but her friend’s love life too. A 26-year-old woman was thrilled to celebrate her friend’s wedding, only to find her husband banned as her plus-one, replaced by a forced seat next to a man she despises. The sting of betrayal hit hard, turning joy into a stand for self-respect.

This tale of friendship gone awry and boundaries tested pulls us into a drama where love and loyalty collide. Can you blame her for saying no to a night of disrespect?

‘Am I wrong for not wanting to attend my friend’s wedding because she won’t let my husband be my plus one?’

This has a very complex beginning so I will try to explain it as briefly as possible. When I (26F)met and started dating my husband (40M) he was my college professor and also my friend's (27F), well my friend hates him because she failed his class three times

and she thought that because we we're

Another reason she hates him is because she has spent years playing cupid because she wanted me to date her fiancé's brother (34M) but I never liked him, We went on a date once and it was horrible. He was rude and tried to kiss me several times without my consent, so I haven't spoken to him since and my friend knows it but she is still obsessed with that non-existent relationship.

I got married two months ago and she attended but she was visibly upset, of course I asked her what was wrong and she said it's because I only dated my husband for a year and a half and for her it was a short time, and being honest I ignored her because everyone can think what they want,

but then she started saying that I've known her brother in law since we were kids and that he was

and I told her that for me he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and she got mad. A few days ago she sent me her wedding invitation and she only invited me and told me that my plus one must be a woman, which made me angry because I wanted to go with my husband and I told her but she said no because she doesn't like my husband,

and I would have thought that maybe she sees something that I don't see, but it's not that, it's that she placed me at the same table as her brother in law and his plus one is a man. And I know this because while we were putting together the finishing touches for the wedding I saw it on her computer and it pissed me off so much because she's crossing the line.

I love my husband and I know he is a decent man because everyone, my friends and family, adore him, she is the only one who doesn't like him, and it hurts me that she does this. I'm married and I'm not going to cheat on my husband or get divorced to date someone who doesn't care about my consent and treats me like I'm an i**ot.

So after thinking about it for days I decided that if I can't go with my husband then I don't want to share a table with her brother-in-law and she said she's not going to change that, so I told her that then I'm not going to attend because it's disrespectful to me and my husband and of course she's angry because

Weddings should unite, but this bride’s meddling tore trust apart. The woman’s anger is valid—excluding her husband while seating her next to a man with a history of disrespect screams manipulation. Her friend’s obsession with pairing her with the brother-in-law ignores her marriage and consent, a bold overstep.

Friendship dynamics can turn toxic when boundaries are ignored. A 2023 study in Social Psychology Quarterly found that controlling behaviors in friendships often stem from unmet expectations, like the bride’s fixation on her matchmaking fantasy. Respecting a friend’s choices is key.

Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, says, “Healthy friendships honor each other’s life choices, including partners.” The bride’s refusal to include the husband signals a lack of respect for the woman’s marriage. Her decision to skip the wedding protects her dignity.

She could send a polite note: “I’m hurt by the exclusion of my husband and the seating arrangement. I wish you well but can’t attend.” If the friend doubles down, distancing may be best.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit brought the heat, serving up blunt advice with a side of shade. Check out their takes:

SnooWords4839 − Well, tell her you hope she has an amazing wedding like you did and sorry to miss it.. Let the friendship fade.

ChipChippersonFan − I'm going to ignore the fact that your college professor was dating you while you and your friend were his students and just say that you are within your rights to decline a wedding invitation that doesn't include your husband.

Tamerlane_Tully − As a college professor who teaches undergrads, people like your husband make me puke.

newprairiegirl − YOU would not get kicked out of school for dating a professor, he would get fired.. Send your regrets or don't.. This person is not your friend, d**p her and move on.

TayElectornica −

Comfortable-Focus123 − Not wrong on not attending your friend's wedding without your husband. I do have an issue with a college professor dating one of his students, but I'm old fashioned like that.

Grilled_Cheese10 − I don't think either of you are friends any more. Feel free to decline the invitation.

TraditionScary8716 − The professor failed her friend three times because she thought the professor boyfriend would give her good grades. But the professor quit his job as soon as he started dating OP.. Yeah. Sure.

trilliumsummer − I'm going to go with ESH - in descending assholeness... Your friend sucks for continuing to try to push her BIL on you and ignoring the etiquette of only not inviting a spouse with a good reason.. Your husband sucks for going after an undergrad. You suck for going on about it being a situationship so it was ok. A situationship is still inappropriate for a professor to have with his student and it's still a relationship.

Future_Quit_2584 − She's a bad friend, your husband is a creepy pervert, and you're a naive i**ot.. ESH.

These hot takes are juicy, but do they capture the full story? Reddit’s never shy, but is it always fair?

This wedding saga lays bare the cost of overstepping boundaries in friendship. The woman’s choice to skip the event is a bold stand for her marriage and self-respect, but it leaves a bittersweet rift. Should she hold firm or reconsider? It’s a dilemma that sparks heated debate. What would you do if a friend disrespected your partner this way? Share your thoughts—let’s keep the conversation flowing!

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