My brother fat shamed my daughter?

Venus Hours
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Under the bright sun of a Saturday pool day, a mother’s heart sank as her 12-year-old daughter fled the water in tears. Her nephew’s cruel words—mocking her weight for a splash—cut deeper than the summer heat. Worse, her brother shrugged it off, doubling down with a jab at her daughter’s “health.”

The betrayal stung, turning a fun family outing into a battle over respect and parenting. It’s a story that hits home for any parent guarding their child’s heart, leaving us wondering: how far would you go to protect your kid’s confidence?

‘My brother fat shamed my daughter?’

Sorry so long…We have a pool in our condo community. Many Saturdays, my brother (43), SIL (42), and their three kids, 5 (f), 7(m), and 9 (m), come over, and we spend the day lounging and playing there. It is a lot of one fun for the kids, and they get to spend times with their cousins.

The kids were playing, and I hear my older nephew start raising his voice at my daughter (12). He was saying that maybe if she weren’t so fat, she wouldn’t have made such a big splash while jumping in the pool, and he would not have been splashed so much, and gotten water up his nose and in his eyes. Immediately, the mama bear in me was awakened from hibernation.

“Peter, that was totally out of line. You hurt her feelings. Apologize…now.” Peter just laughed and stuck his tongue out at my daughter and me. I looked at my brother, who was sitting there dumbly, just watching the show, and my SIL, who was on her phone.

My daughter was crying and climbing out of the pool to me.. I asked my brother, Carl, if he was going to say something to his son.. He asks for what, genuinely wondering why I was asking him that.. “For making a comment on Sophia’s weight!” I said.. My daughter has gained weight, but she is by no means fat, as confirmed by her doctor.

He replied with the standard, “Eh…kids will be kids,” and told me I was making too much of it. This is where things take a turn for the worse. I told Peter to apologize to my daughter. He just stuck out his tongue again and laughed. By this time I was fuming, my daughter sobbing in my lap, dripping wet.

Again, I told him that my daughter deserved an apology, and that what he had done had hurt her.. “I don’t care,” he answered. This is where my brother comes in. He says to me not to tell his kid what to do, that Peter is HIS kid, and he’s the only one who can discipline him.

I would hardly call what I did as discipline.. “Well he is old enough to know not to hurt other people’s feelings” I said.. He goes, “Well maybe he was just telling the truth. There’s nothing wrong with telling the truth.” I was gobsmacked. I could not believe my own brother would say that. But, it gets better.

Then he says, “Maybe you should be focusing on Sophia’s health instead of telling my son what to do. Being overweight is not healthy, you know.” I was seeing red. I grabbed my daughter and her things and told him to leave. They protested, SIL saying that her husband had not done anything wrong. I could not believe I was hearing this from another woman.

We all left, and I went inside to console my daughter. I blocked my brother right away. He has been texting our mother, furious with me. My mother, who, I feel, always favored my brother, was trying to smooth it over, saying we were both at fault, so we should apologize to each other, and that I was just being stubborn. I don’t think I did anything wrong, so I don’t want, and don’t think I have, to apologize.

My brother is still blocked, and I have no intentions of un locking him, let alone apologizing. Am I being stubbornor not wanting to apologize to my brother, and rectify our relationship? Just to keep the peace? My brother has never acted this way before, and I don’t know what got into him. I guess people just get set off by something, I don’t know.

A child’s taunt can wound deeply, but a parent’s dismissal cuts deeper. The mother’s rage is understandable—her nephew’s body-shaming was cruel, and her brother’s defense of it, paired with his own jab, was a betrayal. Her daughter, at a vulnerable age, deserved protection, not indifference. The brother’s “kids will be kids” excuse ignores the harm of unchecked bullying, while his “health” comment reveals a troubling bias.

Body-shaming is no small matter. A 2022 study in Pediatrics found that weight-based teasing in adolescence increases risks of low self-esteem and eating disorders. Puberty is tough enough without family piling on. The mother’s swift defense was crucial, showing her daughter she’s valued.

Dr. Rachel Rodgers, a body image expert, notes, “Parents must model respect for all bodies to foster healthy self-esteem in children.” The brother’s failure to correct his son—and his own shaming—misses this mark. His parenting style, leaning on “truth” over empathy, risks normalizing harm.

The mother could calmly explain to her brother how his words hurt her daughter, suggesting a family discussion on respect. If he refuses, limiting contact protects her daughter’s well-being. Readers, how would you handle a family member’s harmful comments?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out fiery support and a few sharp quips. Here’s the crowd’s take:

drapehsnormak − Not wrong..

PoppyStaff − You are a good Mum and your brother should be banned from coming to use your pool until he and his son both apologise.

SnooWords4839 − No more using the pool at your place. Tell mom she should have raised your brother better; he is ignorant as is his son.

Mari4209 − I would deny them access to your community pool from here on out those kids lost the privilege all because of bad parenting Nta

Simple_Bowler_7091 − You are not wrong, your brother and his crotch fruit were wildly out of pocket. No more pool access for them. Your Mom needs to b**t all the way out, you and your brother are way past needing her parenting. This is the difference between you and your brother - you are actively parenting your child while he's letting his run feral.

There is no need for your child to bear the brunt of his crappy parenting. My heart goes out to your daughter as she grows into her puberty body and her cousin and Uncle completely nuke their relationship with her by being the misogynistic pigs that they apparently are.

One small quibble I would direct to you here and that is that they did not

Normalize and find a way to talk to your daughter about the changes her body will go through, is going through, as she develops. And it sounds like she doesn't need her Uncle and his progeny around as she goes through those changes as they will continue to feel free to body shame her and cause great damage to her body image and self esteem.

Knickers1978 − You’re not wrong. I hope your brothers family enjoys not having access to the pool in your condo community. Be sure to trespass him every time he tries to use the pool without permission. Since he’s not a member of the community, he isn’t allowed access without invitation.. They can pay to have access to a public pool.

Popular-Parsnip8911 − Your brother and nephew sound awful! I wouldn’t want either of them anywhere near my daughter in the future after this. Stick to your guns!

Apprehensive_Fox7579 − Not wrong. It was so important for your daughter to see you stand up for her. When you are ready I would tell him that if he wants to be around your family he needs to ensure his kids are not being intentionally hurtful. Kids fight, thats not what this was.

Worse- he wouldn’t even support you. How would he feel is the tables were turned and he made fun of his son’s d**k size? His response that it’s the truth?! 1) sounds like it’s not the truth and 2) just because something is true doesn’t mean you have to share it. As an example find a physical trait he’s sensitive about.

Balding? Short? How would he feel about someone pointing it out/belittling him for it? The harm here is real. Women carry these negative remarks and they can lead to really destructive behavior and just plain bad feelings (like immediately happened). If they don’t care enough to stop what they are doing and tend to her tears they are not worth your time.

EnvironmentEuphoric9 − F your brother and his family. That would be the end of my relationship with them. Period. Your daughter comes first. Love to your daughter from a girl who knows all too well how painful words about weight can be. Stay strong for her.

wlfwrtr − Your nephew is a bully and being disrespectful to you by refusing you and then sticking tongue out. Your brother is also disrespectful for enabling his bullying. Your SIL is too for sticking up for them. They'll have to find another way to spend there Saturdays.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they miss any nuances? Reddit’s got a knack for rallying behind mama bears, but is it always that simple?

This poolside clash is a stark reminder of how words can bruise and parenting choices can divide. The mother’s stand for her daughter shines as a beacon of love, but the rift with her brother leaves a lingering ache. Should she hold her ground or seek peace? It’s a question that tugs at the heart. What would you do if family crossed a line with your child? Share your thoughts—let’s dive into the discussion!

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