My SO has been bringing up us getting married ever since my best friend got engaged. Am I wrong for saying that we aren’t quite at that stage yet?

Jonathan Hours
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Moving in together often feels like the first step toward forever, yet milestones never arrive on a fixed schedule. The OP and his girlfriend, after two years of dating, recently combined households—and suddenly the topic of marriage has shot to the forefront. All because the OP’s best friend just got engaged to his partner of seven years.

While parties and social media feeds brim with wedding excitement, the OP finds himself caught between celebration and caution. At 25, he envisions a future with his girlfriend but would rather wait until his late twenties—and adult life feels more stable. As his partner repeatedly cites their friend’s upcoming nuptials, he wonders: is he unreasonable for insisting “we aren’t at that stage yet”?

‘My SO has been bringing up us getting married ever since my best friend got engaged. Am I wrong for saying that we aren’t quite at that stage yet?’

My SO and I have recently moved in together. My best friend is getting married to his girlfriend of 7 years. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I see a future with her, but I don't want to get married at 25. I would prefer to wait until at least my late 20s, and ideally live together for a year at least before getting engaged.

Ever since my best friend was engaged 6 months ago, she has been saying that we should get married soon. She is only 24 but seems fine with marrying young. I told her early on in our relationship the things that I mentioned above regarding marriage/engagement.

She keeps bringing up my best friend saying he's marrying now, etc. There are many differences in the situations, so it's hardly a fair comparison. Am I wrong to tell her that I don't think we are ready to be marrying each other at this point?

Love is a marathon, not a sprint, but try telling that to a heart set on wedding bells. This Redditor’s hesitation to rush into marriage at 25 clashes with his girlfriend’s eagerness, sparked by a friend’s engagement. His desire to wait until his late 20s, coupled with a year of cohabitation, shows caution; her push for “soon” hints at excitement or insecurity. Both are valid, but their mismatched tempos risk a stumble.

Relationship timelines vary, yet open communication is key. The Redditor’s early clarity about his stance is a start, but her persistence suggests unmet needs—perhaps for reassurance. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, says, “Love is a choice you make every day, and honest dialogue builds trust.” His reluctance might feel like rejection to her, while her pressure could seem dismissive of his boundaries.

Advice: They should discuss specific timelines—like engagement after a year of living together—and create shared goals, like a “wedding fund.” Compromise can align their visions without rushing. Honest talks about fears and dreams will keep love on track.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s take on this engagement standoff is as varied as a wedding guest list. From support for the man’s pacing to calls for deeper honesty, the community weighed in. Here’s what they said:

RookAnswerstance − You're not wrong for not wanting to be pressured into getting married before you're ready. However, it's possible that your GF just needs reassurance that this is the direction you see the relationship going. I would recommend telling her that you're excited to be living together, and you want to talk about engagement after giving that a year (if that's how you really feel).

No sense to rush this exciting and important step in your relationship journey. If it goes well, the

It's possible that she's feeling insecure because she knows there's lots of steps between talking about engagement and actual marriage, and she's worried that your refusal to have the conversation means that you're planning on stringing her along.

And it sounds like you're hearing the desire to talk about marriage as pressure to make you jump into this too early. Both of those worries could be alleviated by a loving and positive conversation about your hopes for how this relationship will progress if things continue going well.

[Reddit User] − It’s not wrong for you to want to wait. It’s a big step and with over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Your significant other is caught up in all the excitement and wants what your friend has. But she’s got to realize that the glitz and excitement of a wedding is over and done with. The honeymoon phase is also fleeting. Gotta make sure you have the right person your going to take that journey with.

Hopeless_Ramentic − As someone who lived with her husband for 10 years before we finally got married, my question to you is this: you're already living together, for all intents and purposes as a married couple. So what, in your mind, makes you feel you're not ready for marriage?

Please be honest, as the worst thing you can do is keep kicking the can down the road and wasting your partner's time when deep down you just don't see a future with this person and are simply too comfortable to leave. I would prefer to wait until at least my late 20s, and ideally live together for a year at least before getting engaged.

If that's the truth, then be open and honest about that. If you agree to a timeline, abide by it. You just moved in together, so by your own logic you should be prepared to propose/start wedding planning next year. These things matter (if marriage is important to both of you) and *especially* if kids are part of the plan.

Important to note that she's also probably under a *huge* amount of pressure from friends, family, coworkers, etc.

daisiesanddaffodils − When you point out to her that you've already discussed these things and told her how you feel and remind her what your timeline is, what does she say?

bopperbopper − Sometimes

SinnerIxim − Its not wrong for you to feel its too soon, but realistically it has been two years, how much longer do you need to decide if you want to get engaged or married? She apparently knows what she wants, and you are telling her to wait years for something that may or may not ever happen, and apparently dont want to even discuss it

KATinWOLF − You’re not wrong, but you’re phrasing it like you’re the smart one and your partner is the stupid/emotional one. I’m sure she’s reading it that way. So, I wonder if this is less about right/wrong and more about her feeling like you’re being an AH about how you say it. Shift that statement from “we’re not ready” to “I’m not ready,” which doesn’t assume control/judgement over her emotional state, and then y’all actually talk about it.

shattered_kitkat − Not wrong. You aren't ready.

TheGeminiJay − I mean, everyone has their own timeline. What are your reasons for waiting? I think that’s important to discuss as well. If it’s just waiting for a certain age, that does seem really arbitrary, especially since you already live together and that in itself is a big commitment.. If it’s wanting to be in a steady career, that can be understandable.

It might be you need to ask yourself *why* you want to wait. And maybe that answer is you’re just not ready. But you also have to be able to accept that she IS just as much as she has to accept that you AREN’T. Maybe having a “wedding fund” without an end-goal amount or date would be a good compromise? Like, set aside some money each pay check to show her you’re committed to your future.

Make a plan with her to show you’re willing to work toward that goal, but that she has to be willing to come to you as well. Maybe at a certain amount, you look at engagement rings. (Say $2.5k). And you use up to 50% of the savings for the ring. If you get paid every week, doing $50/week in the account would put engagement just over a year away.

Then once you get up to $8k, you look at venues. Most venues are booked at least a year in advance. And it would take about 4.5 years to get the savings up to $8k after using $1,250 on an engagement ring. In total, just saving $50/week, you’re already almost 6 years away from having a wedding date, but you’re showing her you’re willing to work toward it.

[Reddit User] − You’re not wrong. She also wouldn’t be wrong for not waiting another 3-4 years on top of the two years you’ve already been dating to get engaged and leaving. Just be aware of that. Everyone has their own timelines. I’m personally of the belief that men decide pretty early when they find someone they know they want to marry, so I wouldn’t wait more than 4 years in a relationship at this point to be proposed to.

I think it’s a compatibility issue. It’s not fair for her to rush you to propose sooner than you’re ready, it’s not fair to expect her to wait 6-7 years to be proposed to when she knows what she wants sooner. It’s time to have a deep and honest conversation about the discrepancies in the timelines in what you guys are looking for. Also, you say you want a future with her… what does that mean?

What does that look like? Do you *know* you want to marry her, just not right now? Or are you uncertain and using that timeline as an excuse? If you’re still not sure you want to marry her *let her know that*. It’s unfair not to. She needs to be given complete and honest information in order to make an informed decision if she wants to stay or not

These reactions fizz with insight, but do they capture the full dynamic? Perhaps the truth lies in the delicate dance of love and timing.

This story of a couple sparring over marriage amid a friend’s engagement leaves us pondering: when does love’s urgency clash with prudent pacing? The man’s stand for waiting protects their foundation, but his girlfriend’s eagerness reveals a longing for reassurance. If you were in their shoes, would you rush to the altar or savor the slow build? Share your thoughts and relationship tales below—let’s untangle this knot of commitment!

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