Am I wrong for not wanting my wife to take my daughter out for breakfast (excluding me and our son) after I made breakfast for my family?

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In a cozy kitchen, the scent of fresh pancakes promised a warm family morning—until a sleepy misunderstanding flipped the script. After a rough night soothing their toddler and preschooler, a dad rose early to whip up his daughter’s favorite breakfast, hoping to ease his wife’s load. But when she craved dim sum and whisked their daughter away, leaving him and their son behind, his heart sank like batter in a bowl. Was he wrong to feel excluded, or did miscommunication spoil the meal?

Parenting young kids is a marathon, and sleep deprivation can turn small choices into big rifts. This dad’s effort to keep the family fed clashed with his wife’s spur-of-the-moment plan, stirring questions about teamwork and empathy. As the pancakes cooled and feelings heated, readers can’t help but wonder: how do you navigate family plans when everyone’s running on empty?

‘Am I wrong for not wanting my wife to take my daughter out for breakfast (excluding me and our son) after I made breakfast for my family?’

My wife (F late 30's) and I (M late 30's) had a rough night with both of our children (M1 and F3) waking up a number of times last night. We both were helping the kids get back to sleep several times, but I am sure my wife took more of the load. In the morning, the kids woke up and I got out of bed first to try to let me wife sleep more.

As I normally do on the weekends, I asked my daughter what she wanted for breakfast and she tells me pancakes (which she always says). When I start to make the pancakes, having just a bit of sugar in the bowl, my wife pops in the kitchen and says she wants to go for dimsum at the restaurant. I start to talk about the plan and put the sugar back in the package (to clean up).

As I am talking she walks off and says she will just go by herself. I say that is fine and then start making the pancakes again. I am about halfway done making the batter and she comes back and says she is going to take my daughter with her because she wants someone to go with. So she asked my daughter if she wants dimsum, and of course my daughter wants to go to a restaurant.

I explain that I am making the pancakes because my daughter asked for them, so my wife says she will take my daughter with her after she eats the pancakes. A couple minutes later, when I am cooking the first pancakes my wife tells me she is going to take my daughter right away and gets her ready. I told her I didn't think she was treating me or my son right for excluding us.

She left anyway with my daughter, leaving me to finish the pancakes, feed my son, and clean up. It is hard for me to find fault in my actions. I recognized that my wife had a rough night and provided her the ability to sleep-in despite being tired myself. I cooked breakfast based on my daughters request. I was open to the idea of going for dimsum but wanted to discuss the plan.

I didn't stop my wife when she said he wanted to go to dimsum herself. I clearly told her I wasn't okay with her taking my daughter and excluding us, especially after I had been making pancakes and she miscommunicate with me about going by herself. I am hurt that despite me telling her I wasn't okay with what she was doing she did it anyways.

A simple breakfast turned into a recipe for resentment when sleep-deprived parents misread each other’s cues. The OP, aiming to support his wife by cooking, felt dismissed when she took their daughter out, ignoring his efforts and objections. His wife, likely craving a break, acted impulsively, but her failure to include him or communicate deepened the hurt. This clash highlights how exhaustion can fray even strong partnerships.

Parenting stress is real. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association found that 70% of parents with young children report communication breakdowns due to fatigue. The OP’s situation mirrors this, with both spouses acting from valid needs but missing mutual understanding.

Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, advises, “Small gestures of empathy, like checking in before acting, prevent misunderstandings in stressed families”. Markham’s insight suggests the wife could have discussed her plans, while the OP might have clarified his openness to dim sum.

For resolution, the couple should share their feelings calmly, acknowledging each other’s efforts. A family breakfast redo could rebuild connection.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s take on this kitchen kerfuffle is as varied as a brunch menu. From sympathy for the dad’s hurt to calls for letting it go, the community dished out plenty. Here’s what they said:

moistmonkeymerkin − This is not about pancakes.

-BOOST- − Your wife is being dismissive and disrespectful for no reason. While in a vacuum this one issue isn’t much of a big deal, I would suspect that this is a minor crack in the foundation of your marriage that is indicating bigger issues. Y’all need to learn some basic communication skills and get on the same page as a family team, instead of both just doing whatever you want.

Garbleshift − Sounds to me like you both had a s**tty night, and your wife just liked the idea of getting some dim sum with just your daughter (who, unlike the 1yo, is old enough to be company.) My guess is she needed to get the hell away from the baby for an hour. You say you

Approaching this as though anyone has to

A little space and understanding can go a very long way when you're slogging through raising toddlers together. Wasting a few pancakes isn't a tragedy, and neither is you and your son having a daddy breakfast while Mom chills out with some dumplings. I mean, you knew she would be having a rough morning - it's why you got up early and started breakfast.

But it turns out you guessed wrong about what would cheer her up. That's not an insult to you, even if it stung for a second. She suggested what she really wanted, you said you didn't want that, so she decided to do it herself rather than argue. Let it go. Apologize for making an issue of it. Remember that the whole point of this is to have each other's backs even when you're tired and prickly.

Adorable-Finger-1038 − S**t, now I want dim sum

Strange-Shock-2572 − Sounds like you and your boy should go out for some ribeyes and lobster tonight but only after she starts cooking dinner.

Agitated-Egg2389 − Sleep deprivation on all sides. You sound like a really sweet family.

newreddituser9572 − You are not wrong at all, she never once gave you an opportunity to state you where fine with dining out. She failed to listen to you multiple times and definitely excluded you and your son. She’s wrong I’m so many levels. I’m sorry she dismissed your feelings and efforts

Rutibex − This feels too petty to be something that is even worth thinking about. The fact that its bothering you enough to post a thread about it means there is some bigger issue going on here

omniai99 − Am I the only one who think she just wanted dim sum. She was tired, hungry and didn’t want to discuss the plan or convince anyone.

[Reddit User] − I promise you it will get better when the young one is 4 years old. Hang in there buddy.

These opinions are served hot, but do they plate up the full story? Perhaps the truth lies in a shared meal of patience and understanding.

This tale of pancakes, dim sum, and hurt feelings leaves us pondering: when does a parent’s solo move cross into exclusion? The OP’s effort to nurture his family was overshadowed by his wife’s hasty plan, reminding us how fatigue can scramble communication. If you were in this kitchen, would you have pushed for inclusion or let it slide? Share your thoughts and parenting tales below—let’s cook up some insights together!

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