Am I wrong for asking a woman not to kiss another woman?

A night out among friends should feel carefree, but sometimes a simple “no” can turn the atmosphere icy. Picture a busy bar: neon lights flashing, laughter echoing, and two friends at its center—one, tipsy and insistent; the other, quietly recoiling. When Steph declines Taylor’s repeated kisses, the tension slices through the chatter like a cold wind.

Intervening as an onlooker, you remind Taylor that consent isn’t a suggestion—it’s a firm boundary. Suddenly, defending a friend’s autonomy becomes the evening’s unexpected battleground.

‘Am I wrong for asking a woman not to kiss another woman?’

I (m31) was out at a bar with friends, two of which I'll call Steph and Taylor. Steph is single and Taylor is in a relationship with a guy. I don't know their sexualities specifically but I know both are interested in men to some degree.

Out of all of us, Steph and another friend drank the most. They were doing shots and finished their drinks at a much quicker rate than the rest of us. Throughout the night, I heard Taylor try and get Steph to kiss her.

It was loud at the bar and some of the others were also talking so I didn't hear everything but Taylor did say things like

Like I said, I was only getting some of the conversation but every time I heard Taylor say something like that or pucker her lips next to Steph, Steph would either say she couldn't hear her or quickly start drinking her drink and gesture to show she's busy and can't kiss her. I also heard her say point blank

As the night went on and Taylor kept doing it, Steph just looked annoyed. Honestly, it made me uncomfortable and none of the others were bringing attention to it. I feel like if it was a guy saying this to Steph (especially when she was so drunk),

everyone in the group would have stepped in by now so the next time Taylor did it, I butted in and asked Taylor if she can stop and then I said that she should just take no as Steph's final answer.

Taylor got defensive, first asking why I have a problem with two women kissing and then asking what I was trying to imply. I made matters worse by saying

saying how disgusting I was to use that phrase against 2 women and for insinuating that Taylor was acting like the creeps that women have to deal with almost constantly. I get that women have to put up with a lot but I didn't see how that meant she could repeatedly ask Steph over and over again to kiss her for literally the whole night out.

Things got very awkward after that and everyone was quiet. Steph left soon after (she was being collected by a family member and left safely) and kinda mumbled a thanks to me as she left. After that everyone left one by one. I didn't hang around for too long.

Now Taylor is basically done with me unless I apologize and a few friends have spoken to me afterwards saying I should just apologize. I'm still pretty steadfast on my stance but I'm wondering now if I should just apologize to smooth things over with the group.

I don't know what Steph's thoughts are as I haven't reached out to her (mainly because I don't want to cause more s**t or make her feel awkward by bringing it up) **Edit:** wow this got a lot more responses than I was expecting!

I won't be apologizing to Taylor and honestly, don't think I want to interact with her again at all. I appreciate everyone's comments and will send this post to those who were there. Hopefully this will put things into perspective for them!

Respecting consent is the cornerstone of any healthy interaction. Whether it’s a friendly peck or something more, a clear “no” should be honored without question. When someone declines physical contact, pushing beyond that refusal can feel unsafe and erode trust between friends. Upholding boundaries communicates that everyone’s autonomy matters.

Alcohol may loosen inhibitions, but it never excuses ignoring another person’s comfort. Intoxication does not grant anyone the right to override a refusal. Experts note that true respect involves checking in and accepting the answer you receive, rather than persisting until you get the reaction you want.

Consent is an ongoing conversation, not a one‑time checkbox. Even in familiar friendships, agreements must be explicit—and can be withdrawn at any moment. Pressuring a friend after they’ve declined once signals a willingness to dismiss their voice, which can damage both the individual relationship and the group’s overall sense of safety.

Bystander intervention plays a vital role in reinforcing respectful norms. A calm, firm interjection—like “Let’s respect her answer”—can diffuse tension and protect the person being pressured. By speaking up, you not only shield your friend but also set a clear standard that consent is non‑negotiable.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The consensus among readers was clear: unwanted advances become harassment the moment someone says “no,” regardless of gender or context. Many praised the intervention, noting that respecting personal boundaries is fundamental to any friendship.

Commenters observed that allowing Taylor’s persistence would have normalized pressuring behavior and undermined Steph’s comfort and safety. While a few suggested a later conversation to repair group dynamics, most agreed that standing up for consent was the right—and necessary—choice.

Intrepid_Potential60 − No means no. If she wants to not be compared to creepy men who keep harassing a woman for attention after being told no, **perhaps she should stop acting the same as creepy men who keep harassing women for attention after being told no.**. It is unconscionable that the rest of the group would suggest an apology is owed by you.

suesue_d − Gay woman here. You were not wrong. A s** pest is a s** pest. Good on you.

biffo120 − Not wrong. No means no to everyone. The reason she got annoyed is because the phrase made her realise her behaviour was that of a sleaze. I would not apologise. The friends want you to apologise so they can smooth things out and go back to normal, asking you to apologise is not the same as them thinking you are wrong.

MW240z − Taylor is an a**hole and a huge creep.. Double standard…

shammy_dammy − Not wrong. Taylor was s**ually harassing someone and somehow expects an apology? Sounds like you need better friends.

[Reddit User] − Queer here. You did great, babe. Keep being like that. Women can be just as big of creeps as men, and Taylor has no business trying to harass people into making out with her.

neophenx − So this has nothing to do with it being two women and everything to do with

Silvermorney − Not wrong at all. No does mean no regardless of gender, she was acting like all of the creeps that women have to put up with, she was making the poor woman horribly uncomfortable and she was borderline s**ually harassing the woman and all of those people are not your or Steph’s friends since they all allowed all of this to happen

AND now want you to keep the peace with this compete bixxh of a woman who did all of this to their supposed friends and somehow make you out to be the bad guy instead of her. Well done for having Steph’s back. Good luck and I’m sorry that you both are dealing with this.

Such-Perspective-758 − No means no. Lesbians don’t get a free pass with this rule just because they are women and they should be able to live by the same rules they rightly expect others to live by. Let this n**ty cow have her tantrum, don’t apologise.

Expensive-Milk1696 − So does Taylor think no means no only refers to men harassing women? Taylor’s a creep!! She needs to apologise to you and Steph. As for the rest of your friends group, you need to reassess if you want to be friends with people who allow s**ual harassment just because it’s woman to woman.. Also check on Steph. NTA

Moments of unwanted advances can catch us off guard, but honoring clear boundaries is essential for trust and comfort. OP’s choice to step in upheld a fundamental principle: consent matters. Have you ever witnessed a similar situation, and how did you respond? Share your experiences and thoughts on keeping our social spaces safe and respectful.

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