Am I wrong for telling my friend she wasn’t invited to my party?

Picture a vibrant living room filled with the aroma of sizzling dishes from across the globe, laughter echoing as friends swap stories about their heritage. This is the scene of a cultural potluck, where each guest brings a dish or treasure to share, weaving a tapestry of traditions. But what happens when one friend refuses to join the spirit of giving? One Redditor faced this dilemma, caught between friendship and fairness, when their friend’s refusal to share sparked a heated fallout.

The tension simmered as the Redditor planned their next potluck, a celebration of diversity where everyone contributes. Their friend, known for guarding her belongings like a dragon hoarding gold, had previously attended but brought nothing to the table—literally. When she was left off the guest list, drama erupted, leaving the host questioning: was it wrong to exclude her? This story dives into the clash of values, friendship, and cultural connection.

‘Am I wrong for telling my friend she wasn’t invited to my party?’

I have a good group of friends and I have this one friend who’s awesome!! However, she doesn’t like it when someone touches her things and she doesn’t like to share food. Which is okay because we’re not entitled to her things or food. However, my friends and I like throw these parties.

Where we cook foods from our cultures (potluck) and we bring something of ours from our culture to share with the group. We’re all different races. The first time we had this party we invited the friend who doesn’t like to share. And she didn’t bring any food or something of hers to share.

When I asked her why she didn’t bring anything, she said, “I don’t like to share my things.” Usually I don’t mind her not sharing, but this was a party where we supposed to bring something from our cultures to share with each other. She wasn’t participating in the party activities. She was just kind of there. We’ve decided to have another party, but we didn’t tell our other friend about it. However she found out and got really mad..

I said, “the reason I didn’t invite you is because you don’t like to share.”. She said, “you’re not entitled to my s**t! I bought it and I don’t have to share it!”. I said, “ You’re completely corrected I’m not entitled to your things. And you’re not entitled to an invitation.” She texted our friends, but they agree with me and she’s been going around saying. “ I feel left out.”. Should I invite her?. 

This potluck saga isn’t just about a friend dodging dishes—it’s a clash of social expectations. The Redditor’s event thrives on reciprocity, where everyone chips in to celebrate their cultures. Their friend, however, treats the potluck like a free buffet, eating without contributing. This imbalance disrupts the group’s harmony, turning a shared experience into a one-sided affair.

Dr. Irene S. Levine, a friendship expert, explains, “Friendships thrive on mutual give-and-take, and when one person consistently opts out, it can erode trust” (source). The friend’s Cuban heritage and wealth don’t exempt her from the group’s norms; her refusal to share dismisses the event’s purpose. A 2019 study on social cohesion highlights that communal activities like potlucks strengthen bonds through active participation (source).

The Redditor’s decision to exclude her reflects a boundary, not pettiness. To move forward, they could suggest she bring a small dish, framing it as a chance to join the fun. If she refuses, prioritizing the group’s values over her feelings is fair. This scenario underscores a universal truth: mutual respect fuels connection, and sidestepping it risks isolation.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s crew dove into this potluck drama with gusto, serving a platter of cheers and jeers as if at a lively block party. It’s like a virtual cookout where everyone’s got a spicy opinion and a fork ready to dig in. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, brimming with support for the Redditor and a dash of shade for the non-sharing friend:

justmeandmycoop − A potluck has a meaning, sharing food. Absolutely do not invite her when she refuses to participate.

lianavan − The comeback was perfect in my opinion. She's not entitled to an invitation if she can't abide by the spirit of the party.

stellastevens122 − There’s a massive difference between stealing fries off her plate and bringing a pot luck dish. The former makes sense. The latter is batshit crazy

Illustrious_Leg_2537 − You’re not asking her to give away her things. Sharing food is not giving away stuff. She’s entitled and she can stay home.

Physical_Cause_6073 − How do people like this have friends!?!?!?

Glum-Zucchini-2029 − Nope. You shouldn’t invite her. The whole purpose is about sharing, it’s not just a hang out kind of evening. If she isn’t interested in participating, she doesn’t need or deserve an invitation. This is also one of those times though where there’s a good chance you could lose a friendship over this.

I feel like this is a values difference, and since it’s a friend and not a partner, it’s not a deal breaker for the values not to align, but neither of you should expect the other to budge. It would be a pleasant surprise if she decided to participate, but it doesn’t sound like she will.

sara_swati_ − Lmfao. Is your friend for real? What a weird way to feel about things. Why would she feel entitled to an invitation to a potluck if she doesn’t want to share? Does she understand what a potluck is? Has she ever explained why she feels so strongly about sharing and her “things”? I would love to understand why you think she’s so awesome. She honestly sounds like an a**hole.

[Reddit User] − You’re not wrong but may I ask why you are friends with this person who seems to be very self centered and narcissistic? Does she have any redeeming qualities at all?

goddessofspite − Nope she can’t have it both ways. She isn’t required to share but neither are you.

Jerseygirl2468 − She doesn’t like to share, and you are having a party that is all about sharing.

These Redditors are all in, rallying behind the Redditor’s call to uphold the potluck’s spirit. Many see the friend’s refusal to share as a social faux pas, like showing up to a gift exchange empty-handed. Others highlight her entitlement, noting she happily eats while contributing nothing. Their takes sizzle with conviction, but they also hint at a deeper question: can a friendship survive such clashing values? One thing’s certain—this potluck standoff has sparked a feast of opinions.

This potluck drama serves up a hearty lesson: friendships, like good recipes, need balance. The Redditor’s choice to exclude their friend wasn’t about pettiness but preserving the spirit of their cultural celebration. Yet, it’s a reminder that communication might prevent these spicy showdowns. What would you do if a friend refused to share at your gathering? Would you extend an olive branch or stand firm? Drop your thoughts below and let’s stir the pot!

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