AIW for not letting my sister breastfeed my baby?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Family barbecues are meant to be carefree affairs—kids giggling, burgers sizzling, and relatives catching up. But imagine slipping away to the bathroom for a moment, only to return and hear baby‑soft gurgles in the nursery that aren’t coming from the twins’ usual bottle. You push open the door and see your own sister, breast exposed, trying to nurse your perplexed infant.

In that heartbeat, a rush of disbelief, anger, and protectiveness crashes over you. The sweet pastel nursery suddenly feels like the scene of a boundary breach, and you’re torn between recognizing your sister’s pain and fiercely guarding

‘AIW for not letting my sister breastfeed my baby?’

Hi ok so I’m not sure if this is the right subreddit but I don’t know where else to rant about this. I F28 and my husband 39 recently had twin girls Lana and Clara. Clara is a delicate baby, she has some issues with her immune system but so do I so we figured one of the babies might have some issues with it. But Lana is a big strong baby.

My younger sister, Lucy 24 has had some trouble conceiving and I figured she may have been jealous when I was pregnant but she didn’t show it which I appreciated. She has always wanted to be a mother so I tried my best to be a good sister to her and let her lean on my shoulder whilst also preparing for my girls.

I had a hard birth and that coupled with my health issues means that I’ve decided to not b**ast feed and just formula feed. It’s important to note that both of the girls are healthy and at a good weight.

Lucy has been somewhat erratic since the girls have been born, (they are 4 months), so I’ve been careful to monitor when they’re together but I thought it was important to let her be an Aunty.. My husband was more concerned but I asked him to let it go so he has.

We had a family gathering barbecue thing with our parents, my sister and her husband and some of our friends. Lana was awake and playing with our parents while we were cooking and Clara was napping so both of the girls were content.

Lucy says she needs the bathroom and is gone for like 20 minutes so I go looking for her and I hear talking coming from the twins nursery. I figured that she was having a snuggle with Clara so I head into the room and oh my f**king god. I thought I was going to be sick, or hit her or I don’t know what.

She was sat in the rocking chair trying to breastfeed my daughter!!! I’m being serious, she had her boob out with it in Clara’s mouth. Clara looked confused and didn’t know what to do with it as she’s never been breastfed. I started to shout at her asking what the hell did she think she was doing with my baby.

I took Clara from her and tried to soothe her. Lucy tried to calm me down telling me that I should be grateful and thank her for acting in the best interest of my baby. She said I was failing them by not being able to b**ast feed them, but her fertility medication has let her start lactating so she decided to help me out.

She said the reason Clara wasn’t as well as her sister is because she was being given formula and sickly babies shouldn’t be formula fed. She said I was being unreasonable and that her and Clara have formed a bond over this and that it was cruel to take her away from her.

I have no f**king idea what that means. Does that mean it’s been happening more than once!? What the hell does she think she’s doing? Clara and Lana are my babies not hers! I feel sorry for her but I’m not wrong for thinking this is ridiculous right?

EDIT: thanks for the advice everyone. I can’t lie I find the concept of wet nurses weird and steeped in bad history and slavery but I can appreciate it’s the right choice for some people.

But I don’t like the idea of another woman having intimate skin contact with my babies. We will take the girls to their paediatrician tomorrow but I don’t even now if she was producing actual milk. She could be lying.

EDIT 2: we went to the doctors and he said that Clara is fine. He doesn’t believe Lucy was even producing milk. Clara has an iron deficiency so that could be why she’s a bit sickly. I’ve tried telling our parents, they’re going to focus on looking after Lucy I think.

CAN EVERYONE STOP SAYING TO THINK ANOUT LETTING HER B**AST FEED. NOW WAY IN HELL IS THAT HAPPENING. SHE WANTS TO BE MY DAUGHTERS MOTHER. AND TO THE MAN IN THE COMMENTS TELLING ME IM BEING TO EMOTIONAL

AND FEEL ASHAMED AS I COULDNT BREASTFEED BUT LUCY COULD PLEASE STOP. IM THE MOTHER AND AHE VIOLATED OUR RELATIONSHIP u/lobo1217 leave me alone

Infant feeding decisions are deeply personal, shaped by health, comfort, and bonding preferences. When a parent opts for formula over breastfeeding, that choice merits unwavering respect. Intervening without consent—even with the best intentions—can undermine both the caregiver’s confidence and the child’s sense of security. Support should always align with the mother’s clear plan and preserve her authority.

Your sister’s attempt to nurse the baby likely sprang from genuine concern mixed with her own longing after fertility struggles. While empathy for her pain is important, healthy assistance respects established boundaries. Parenting specialists warn that well-meaning gestures can become intrusive if they disregard the caregiver’s rights. True support offers understanding without compromising the mother’s role.

Wet nursing once followed formal customs and explicit agreements, ensuring that everyone knew their roles and limitations. Modern spontaneous nursing lacks these structured safeguards, risking confusion for both infant and parent. Feeding rituals serve as cornerstones of attachment and trust; uninvited breastfeeding can disrupt these bonds and leave mothers feeling their parental choices have been violated.

Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries protects family harmony and child safety. A calm conversation—thanking your sister for caring but reaffirming your formula‑only plan—sets an unambiguous tone. Practical steps like locking the nursery door, supervising visits, or scheduling specific childcare times further reinforce limits. Consistent enforcement not only safeguards your children but also honors your sister’s emotions within a framework of mutual respect.

Check out how the community responded:

Most readers sided firmly with the mother, noting that regardless of intent, secret breastfeeding crossed an essential parental boundary.

Many felt the sister’s actions revealed deeper emotional distress rather than genuine help, and urged keeping the babies’ safety and routine unshaken. Others emphasized that while wet‑nursing can work in consensual settings, this scenario lacked any clear

Fire_or_water_kai − Your sister is very, very unwell and unstable. Anyone who condones this or shames you for distancing yourself is also unwell and doesn't have her (and most definitely not your childrens') well being in mind.

Nothing that came out of her mouth was sane. You need to discuss this with your family outright, so that they understand just how messed up your sister is. Keep her VERY far away. I have a feeling this is going to escalate, so I hope you have a security system and doorbell cam.

gramsknows − Your not wrong. stop all contact with her and your daughters. What she is doing isn’t sane. She isn’t emotionally well. Do not trust her around your children. She is having some kind of psychotic break . If you can’t separate what she is doing and her being your sister let your husband take control.. install cameras preferably ones that record.

Change locks to your home. Do not let your parents babysit if you think they will let your delusional sister near your daughters. Save any communication. If she doesn’t respect your wishes to keep her far away from your kids file a restraining order.. Password protect your daughters medical records.

throwaway2161980 − If your sister truly thought what she was doing was ok, she wouldn’t have hidden it from you. She’s clearly mentally unwell. You need to not allow her in your house or around your babies until she get professional help.

Low_Monitor5455 − Your sister is mentally ill. That is also not your problem. Don't make it your problem or enable her to kidnap and disappear with a baby. Time to go no contact and if your family or anyone has issues with that - let them know they are welcome to help her and her lactating boobs out by suckling themselves.

Scalebutt − Her...fertility medication lets her lactate? Does that mean that whatever she's on, is getting into her b**ast milk? If she's been breastfeeding your baby, you need to find out what the implications of that hormonal medication in b**ast milk are.. You're not wrong at all. Get far away from that woman, and keep your baby close.

Weary_Panic6498 − You’re not wrong at all. Please keep your sister away from your babies. That is NOT healthy behavior on your sister’s part. I hope she can get the help she needs soon!

PuzzleheadedNet9959 − Fertility meds do not cause people to lactate. In fact, high prolactin stops ovulation so if anything they would be trying to reduce her prolactin levels which means she’s either experiencing a delusion that she’s lactating or she’s having a medical problem causing hyperprolactinemia.

Your husband was right to be wary of her and I think your relationship with her probably makes you less able to see the danger to her mental health issues. There’s nothing wrong with breastfeeding shared amongst family members.

It’s been a part of human culture throughout the world and throughout history. But this isn’t about breastfeeding or family sharing nursing of babies. This isn’t a part of your culture and your babies are not breastfed so it doesn’t make rational sense. She needs an evaluation.

[Reddit User] − I think that absolutely means this is something she has been doing multiple times. It may have been much more kind (in the beginning; throw that out the window now) to set clear boundaries from the get go so that she wouldn't get overly close attached.

But this is concerning of levels that are worthy of cutting someone out of your life and getting a restraining order. This is one of those situations that can wind up being a news story --- with a very bad ending. She would never be allowed in my life again. Ever.

This is a very, very unwell, unstable, and out of touch with reality person. For the safety of your children, keep her very far away. And don't allow your children to be alone with anyone who would let her see them.. I don't know how you kept your hands to yourself. You have amazing self control.

broomandkettle − OP, this is her taking steps to justify the argument that she’s entitled to your baby. Yeah, she wants your baby. She’s trying to trigger lactation. Once she’s able to produce milk, as unlikely as that seems, she will use that as a reason to insert herself into the baby’s feeding schedule.

She will try to convince you and the family that the baby is sickly and needs her milk. Her goal is to bond with the baby and eventually convince you to give the baby to her to raise. Yes, this is completely insane.. Keep her away from your family, she needs therapy.

Note, it’s actually possible to trigger lactation without a pregnancy. Her next step would be to purchase a b**ast pump. Edit: If your parents have a key to your residence, consider that your sister may lie to get ahold of it. She has already demonstrated that she’s unstable and delusional. You’ve got to secure your home.

CakeZealousideal1820 − Just reading the title I can tell you don't you leave your baby around her. NEVER! YOU ARE NOT WRONG!

Parenting often invites helpful advice—and sometimes unexpected intrusions. OP’s instinct to shield her twins collided with her sister’s impulsive attempt to nurture. Where do we draw the line between family support and parental sovereignty?

What boundaries would you set if a loved one tried to override your feeding choices? Share your experiences and thoughts below.

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