AITA for telling my family it’s not my fault I’m not a twin?

In a family where twins reign supreme, one teenager’s voice struggles to be heard. Picture a bustling household, buzzing with excitement for two sets of boy/girl twins—Max and Amy, Jace and Lacy—whose every milestone sparks grand celebrations. Yet, for their younger brother, born six years later as a singleton, the spotlight feels like a distant star. His birthdays fade into the background, his achievements barely acknowledged, leaving a quiet ache of being unseen.

This 17-year-old’s plea for fairness erupted at a family gathering, where his graduation was dismissed as unimportant compared to the twins’ glorified moments. His bold words—“It’s not my fault I’m not a twin”—ignited a firestorm, with accusations of manipulation flying. Readers can feel the sting of his isolation, wondering: how does a family’s obsession with one trait dim the light of another child’s worth?

‘AITA for telling my family it’s not my fault I’m not a twin?’

My parents struggled to have kids and went on fertility treatments to have my siblings and the result was two sets of non-identical boy/girl twins who LOOK identical pretty much. The older twins are Max and Amy and the younger twins are Jace and Lacy.

Our family has always been so obsessed with the fact there were two sets of twins born to the same parents in our family and that they could pass for identical even though they're the opposite s**. Birthdays, Christmas, school plays, sports games, report cards, graduations and everything was a huge deal and celebrated as this great thing.

My siblings had so many parties thrown for them and so many reasons given to get them gifts that it was insane. I was born 6 years after Jace and Lacy and my family can't hide their disappointment in a singleton. My birthdays were never a big deal and I didn't get the same attention for Christmas, report cards, sports games or school plays.

For my siblings the whole family would try to show up and support and I was lucky to have one parent at any of my stuff. My report cards were never celebrated either. I'm not too close to my siblings. They don't notice me much and enjoy the attention a lot so it's easy for me to slide through the cracks with them.

But even our parents don't put the same amount of attention and effort into me. My graduation was a topic of conversation a weekend ago. My siblings can't make it because of work or college stuff and the rest of the family was like well I guess we don't need to plan around my graduation. I told them I'd still like everyone there and they said I didn't need anyone there.

I asked why my siblings had and they said it was such a big deal for twins and when they're one of two sets born to the same parents and could pass for identical. They said that's something to celebrate. I told my family it's not my fault I wasn't a twin and I didn't get why I was being overlooked. My grandpa said at 17 I don't need to be jealous of attention other kids get and as a boy I shouldn't get caught up in that kind of stuff.

I said even teenage guys want to feel like they matter. My family said I was being unreasonable. One of my aunts said I was gaslighting the family while my grandma, parents and a couple of other aunts and uncles said I was emotionally trying to manipulate them. They wanted me to apologize to everyone for telling them it's not my fault I'm not a twin because nobody ever said it was. AITA?

Family favoritism can cut deeper than any single slight. The OP’s story, where his twin siblings’ milestones overshadow his own, reveals a painful dynamic of exclusion. The OP feels like an outsider, his graduation dismissed while the twins’ every move is celebrated. The family’s defense—that twins are inherently special—ignores the OP’s need for equal love, while their accusations of manipulation dismiss his valid hurt.

This issue reflects a broader problem: favoritism in families can erode self-worth. A 2019 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that perceived parental favoritism affects 65% of children, often leading to lower self-esteem (source: APA). Dr. Ellen Weber Libby, a family therapist, states, “When parents favor one child, it signals to others they’re less valued, impacting emotional development” (source: Psychology Today). Here, the OP’s family’s twin obsession unintentionally sidelines him, fostering resentment.

Libby’s perspective highlights the need for balance: the OP’s outburst was a cry for recognition, not manipulation. To heal, the family could prioritize inclusive celebrations, like attending his graduation as a unit. The OP might also seek support from friends or mentors to build confidence.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s got no chill when it comes to unfair family dynamics, and this thread is proof. From fiery support to savage clapbacks, the community rallied behind the OP with some colorful takes. Check out their unfiltered reactions:

Thehobbitgirl88 − NTA. I am so sorry your family sucks so much. It's not gaslighting people to say

NoIntroduction1035 − NTA I’m sorry. The only thing I can say is get so successful then never speak to them again. Change your will to make sure your money never goes to them just be better than they ever will .

legallychallenged123 − Yikes. So your parents went through all this time, money, and effort to have a large family and they treat you like a throwaway. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that happening to be born on the same day as another sibling was such a significant accomplishment. 🙄

elicia86 − I'm sorry? You're gaslighting THEM?! That's laughable. Nta

cptlwstlnd − You don't need to apologize. Also the twin thing isn't a big deal. Your mom took some meds and dropped extra eggs and had them two at a time. I would tell your family to f**k a cactus

Orisha_Oshun − Go and live yer best life, and when you become successful, if they ask you for anything, just be like,

ComprehensivePut5569 − NTA - Let your family wonder why they never see or hear from you once you go NC with them. I’m sorry you come from a family of assholes.

FlinflanFluddle4 − Aren't twins more likely with fertility treatments? Regardless, this is sad. There's no reason to treat you differently because you didn't share a womb with someone else. 'as a boy I shouldn't get caught up in that kind of stuff' that doesn't even make any sense, but given it's your grandfather he probably truly believes it. Edit: NTA

CAAugirl − Hey kid, this internet auntie is proud of you for everything you’ve done. It’s hard and upsetting right now but you’re showing more courage and strength than they can imagine. And soon you’ll be heading to college and that’s where the rubber meets the road.

The hardest part about family is coming to the realization that they’re not Family..Family loves you, cares about you, encourages you, supports you, and takes care of you.. Relatives are people who have similar DNA and the same lineage. The are not the same.. Also, NTA.

jairatraci − NTA tell them that actions speak louder than words and them not showing up time and time again is showing you that you are not as important to them as your siblings who happen to be twins.

These hot takes light up the thread, but do they hold the key to fixing this family mess—or are they just internet fuel? One thing’s sure: Reddit’s got feelings about this one.

This teen’s story is a gut-punch reminder that every kid deserves to feel like they matter. His family’s twin obsession left him in the shadows, but his courage to speak up shines bright. Whether you’re Team OP or think he could’ve worded it differently, the question lingers: how do you demand love without losing family? What would you do if your family’s focus left you invisible? Hit the comments and let’s unpack this together!

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