AITA for my reaction to my brothers “gift”?

In a cozy Airbnb living room aglow with holiday warmth, one gift unwrapped a storm of hurt. A 24-year-old man, openly gay and cherished by most of his family, faced a moment that stung deeper than the winter chill outside. His older brother, known for his sharp tongue, crossed a line with a “joke” gift that mocked his sexuality, leaving the room silent and the man grappling with anger and betrayal.

The annual family trip, meant for bonding through axe-throwing and water park fun, turned into a battleground of respect and boundaries. As the man stepped onto the balcony to cool his emotions, the family’s division over his reaction revealed a deeper question: when does a joke become a wound? Readers can’t help but feel the sting of this moment, wondering how family ties unravel when respect falters.

‘AITA for my reaction to my brothers “gift”?’

I’m not a writer, so bear with me. Me (24M) and my family do a yearly weekend trip in december every year. The trip typically includes renting a very nice airbnb and several “outings”, some geared towards the men in the family (gun range, axe throwing, etc.), and others for the women (shopping trip, water park with the kids, etc.).

I’ve been openly gay for 8 years now and the majority of the family has come to terms with it by now, that is, everyone except my older brother (28M). for context, my older brother (we’ll call him Isaac) has a tendency to poke fun at people and try to get a rise out of them. The family finds this absolutely hilarious and will often join in.

Personally i don’t mind this, however, ever since i came out 8 years ago, Isaac will take any opportunity to make my sexuality the b**t of the joke. i’ve told him on multiple occasions that jokes about my sexuality tend to sting a bit more and asked that he not do that, but nothing works to get him to stop. That brings us to the last night of the trip.

I had separated from the guys group for all the outings, because the girls activities just seemed more fun. on the final night of the trip, the entire family was gathered in the living room to open gifts, when Isaac announces that he got me a gift this year because he felt bad that i had missed the guys activities.

he then proceeds to hand me a bag to open in front of everyone. I open the bag, and inside was a fruit cake that he had bought from Fleet Farm. Isaac starts laughing hysterically, but the rest of the family looks at me because i’m not laughing. I stood up, told Isaac that i didn’t find his gift funny, and stepped out onto the balcony to get some fresh air.

the rest of the night, Isaac tried to tell me that I was the a**hole for being ungrateful when he didn’t get anyone else a gift, which resulted in a very long yelling match. The family is divided on whether my reaction was warranted, or if i need to lighten up about his jokes. so, AITA?

Family gatherings can be a minefield when respect is left at the door. The OP’s story, where a brother’s “gift” became a public jab at his sexuality, highlights the pain of targeted humor. The OP’s frustration is clear: despite years of asking for sensitivity, his brother persists, and the family’s mixed reactions only deepen the hurt. Both sides clash—Isaac sees it as harmless fun, while the OP feels singled out, his identity reduced to a punchline.

This isn’t just about one bad gift; it’s about navigating family dynamics when values collide. A 2021 study from the Pew Research Center shows 59% of LGBTQ+ individuals face family rejection or mockery, underscoring the broader issue of acceptance. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship; without it, even small slights can erode trust” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, Isaac’s refusal to listen signals a deeper disrespect, leaving the OP to protect his own dignity.

Gottman’s insight applies directly: the OP’s reaction was a stand for self-respect, not ingratitude. The family’s enabling laughter, though, complicates things, suggesting a culture where Isaac’s behavior thrives. To move forward, the OP could set firm boundaries, like limiting contact or skipping trips until respect is shown.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of fiery support and blunt advice for the OP. Here’s a peek at the community’s hot takes, straight from the thread:

rockology_adam − NTA. Isaac is completely out of line here, and I'm really curious how the rest of the family took that

You made the right call, calling him out and stepping outside. If he can't accept responsibility there, check him off as immature and limit your time with him.  Is putting up with him worth going on these trips? Only you can answer that, but IMO, if no one else in the family is making things better or standing up for you, I'd be asking myself what I get out of it.. Cause this year, you got a worse-than-the-jokes-about-it fruitcake.

Jyqm − G**damn, the amount of gender happening in this family is off-the-charts ridiculous. Very obviously NTA, and I'm sorry that your family has been so s**tty for so long that you've been browbeaten into thinking you might possibly be in the wrong here.

EmceeSuzy − **Your family is gross.**. NTA And to be clear, the people in your family who are NOT 'Isaac' are grosser than he is. Some family systems are just toxic and yours is one of them. Joining this trip and being a good sport is not in your best interest and I hope that you will stop doing it. The entire family has tacitly agreed to endorse Isaac's bigotry.

In a healthy family, he would not dare to pull that s**t and if somehow he did the rest of the group would shout him down before you had a moment to respond. Please give yourself the gift of a real family that loves and accepts you. It can take time to form a family-by-choice but you deserve it and you'll be fine while you're working on it.

UrbanHuaraches − The real a**hole is whoever decided that taking the kids to a water park counts as a “women’s” activity.

RndmIntrntStranger − my older brother (we’ll call him Isaac) ~~has a tendency to poke fun at people and try to get a rise out of them~~ *is a bully*.. FIFY. **NTA**

mommacrossx3 −

Somythinkingis − I would ask the organizer of this family trip to count me out until my brother learns some manners.

bisforbnaynay − This is one of those moments where I think to lessons I try and teach my own kids. If it's something someone can change in under 30 seconds, its fair game to make fun of; fly unzipped, messy hair, etc. Anything else keep your comments to yourself. You've told him before to lay off and he didn't, so he reaps what he's sewn.. I'd have thrown the cake at him, unwrapped.. NTA

Afraid-Leg3311 − NTA. Your brother has some issues. The gift was so degrading and not a gift but an insult. He is not listening to you. You told him to stop and he continues to harrass you, that is so not cool. It seems like he can't deal with your sexuality which is ridiculous in this day and age. Sorry OP, I would have reacted the same way

[Reddit User] − You're a victim at first and a volunteer after. Stop asking strangers if you're an AH and set some boundaries ffs. If your family is divoded, you should now know who you cut off. Yta to yourself if you continue to accept this treatment.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture—or are they just Reddit’s classic spice? One thing’s clear: the internet’s got OP’s back, but real-world solutions might need more than upvotes.

This tale of a fruitcake gone wrong reminds us that family isn’t just about shared trips—it’s about shared respect. The OP’s courage to call out a hurtful joke sparks a bigger question: where do we draw the line when “fun” turns cruel? Whether you’re team OP or think he could’ve laughed it off, one thing’s certain: boundaries matter. What would you do if a family member’s joke hit too close to home? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation going!

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