AITA I’m a double affair baby who was rejected by both sets of siblings so I say I’m an only child?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine growing up knowing you were the product of betrayal—your very existence rooted in two affairs—and then feeling the sting of outright rejection from those meant to be your siblings. For our OP, each birthday and holiday was tinged with hostility: cold shoulders, curt refusals to even say hello, and cruel words implying the world would be better off without him.

Now 25, he’s embraced the “only child” label not out of vanity, but self‑preservation. By erasing half‑siblings who never offered him love or loyalty, he protects his own sense of belonging and spares himself needless pain.

‘AITA I’m a double affair baby who was rejected by both sets of siblings so I say I’m an only child?’

I'm (25m) a double affair baby meaning my mom and dad were both married to other people, cheated on their spouses and conceived me. They ended up marrying each other after their divorces were finalized and they raised me together. Their kids from their first marriages did not accept me and do not claim me as a sibling.

I always felt their hostility when I was a kid. They were all moved out by the time I was 9 and I saw them a handful of times after, the last being 7 years ago, and those handful of times they were very clear about not wanting to talk to me and how I was not their brother or their family.

I mean one even told me the world would be a better place if I'd never been born or if I had died. Because of all this I claim I'm an only child when people ask. I never say I have siblings, half or otherwise. That's just my preference and I find it easier. Plus I only have siblings through genetics. Not through a bond or anything else.

I'm pretty sure they would all leave me for dead on the side of the road if the chance ever occurred. This became a topic because I'm engaged to the cousin of a former childhood friend. He and I were friends most of our lives until we hit junior year and he turned into a real d**k and our friendship ended.

My fiancée and I met years later and she knows my background and she said she would also consider me an only child also. So she has zero issues. She also has issues with her cousin. I didn't even realize they were related until a while later.

But in the last couple of months he's appeared at a couple of family parties and he brought up the fact I claim the only child label. He never had an issue with it before but he said I was being childish and a liar by claiming that I am.

Then I have a few relatives (not my parents I'm no contact with them) who get upset when they realize I don't claim my siblings. We have discussed how if they don't claim me or count me when talking about siblings they have then I won't count them.

The family members tell me that could change and I could avoid awkwardness by letting people know so if I have a relationship with any of them in the future I won't end up with egg on my face.. AITA?

Feeling rejected by one’s own family can leave deep emotional scars, but it also offers an opportunity to redefine personal identity. As Dr. Lisa Firestone explains, “We can learn to treat rejection as a loss of a person we valued without losing a sense of our own value,” adding that true healing begins when we refuse to see ourselves through the eyes of those who’ve hurt us. By choosing “only child,” our OP draws a boundary that preserves his self‑worth.

Family estrangement is more common than many realize: research suggests that up to 15% of adults report feeling estranged from a relative. Chronic rejection during formative years can fuel distrust and anger, making it difficult to forge new bonds. Acknowledging and naming that hurt—whether by therapy or trusted friendships—helps individuals move from a reactive stance of avoidance to proactive self‑care.

Attachment theory teaches us that early bonds shape our expectations for close relationships. When half‑siblings consistently send messages of hostility, the betrayed child learns to anticipate rejection. Over time, this expectation can harden into a protective stance: better to call oneself an only child than risk further abandonment. Recognizing this pattern empowers one to seek secure connections elsewhere—among friends, mentors, or one’s own future family.

Moving forward, experts recommend cultivating a chosen‑family network to fill the emotional void left by biological relatives. Simple steps—like joining supportive community groups or pursuing therapy focused on boundary setting—can foster resilience. By surrounding himself with people who genuinely value him, our OP can redefine “family” on his own terms and finally leave the shadow of rejection behind.

See what others had to share with OP:

Readers overwhelmingly supported the OP’s choice, arguing that family ties are earned, not mandated by genetics. Many pointed out that no one should be forced to claim relationships that bring only pain and hostility.

The consensus: calling himself an only child is a valid coping mechanism and a clear message: respect me, or don’t claim me at all. Others noted that sharing a long‑term partner or close friends often builds stronger bonds than blood alone.

Mother_Search3350 − Tell everyone to fvck off and mind the business that pays them. You are a 25 year old grown man and don't want or need them to tell you who you are. . NTAH 

Couette-Couette − They don't see you as a sibling and obviously it won't change in the future (you are 25 and the younger one so everyone involved here has been an adult for years) so NTA.

74Magick − Good grief. Of course you know the actions of your parents are absolutely no fault of yours, live your life and add anyone who gives you s**t to the block list. Congratulations and best wishes!. NTA

AlarmingControl2103 − So if i Just met you, these people want you to answer the simple

blacklacha − NTA. Continue to say you are an only child. If questioned further say:.

Fragrant-Reserve4832 − I would ask those family members if they are also giving the other kids s**t I would also point out that the other kids, as adults, treated a child with h**red and distane and shouldn't ever want to be in the same space as you now.

As for gf cousin, I would simply look deep into his eyes and with the world's biggest s**t eating grin say

Onyx_Maiden − Nta. We don't claim ppl who hate us. It's that simple. My father had 4 children before having me. We were never raised in the same house. And I'm only 4 years older than his eldest grandchild. We've never really had much contact I'm my mother's only child. I was raised alone. I'm an only child. If I have to refer to them, they're my father's children, never my half siblings

TotallyAwry − NTA You were bought up as an only child. Your older half siblings are suddenly going to turn around and want a relationship, and even if they did why would the egg be on *your* face? The awkwardness wouldn't be on your side.

You're not the one who blamed a *literal baby* for the families breaking up.. What a load of old cobblers.. Tell them to stick it up their arse. Probably more politely than that, though.

AtomicFox84 − They are your siblings, but obviously they are taking out their anger on you for what your parents did. Cant force a relationship, but they shouldn't have treated you so badly like you had any choice in the matter. Nta

chasingkaty − NTA. I claim I only have one brother, when I also have two step siblings and a half brother. Marriage and biology means nothing.

This story raises a fundamental question: must family always be defined by biology, even when those bonds have been broken? If you’ve ever disowned a relative or felt compelled to redraw your own family map, how did you navigate that choice? Share your experiences and advice below—your insights could help someone wrestling with their own definition of family.

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