AITA for not inviting my coworker to a team lunch because of her dietary preferences?

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Picture a bustling tech office, where a tight-knit team swaps laughs and code over coffee. Every month, they escape the grind for a laid-back lunch, a ritual to recharge and bond. Enter our 32-year-old project manager, juggling deadlines and team vibes, who picks a beloved BBQ joint for the latest outing. But when he skips inviting Priya, a coworker with a strict Jain diet, thinking it’s a kind move, the plan sizzles into a mess.

Priya’s hurt, the team’s split, and the manager’s left wondering if his good intentions grilled the team spirit. This Reddit saga dives into workplace missteps, dietary inclusivity, and the fine line between thoughtfulness and exclusion. Was he wrong to assume Priya wouldn’t want to join? Let’s unpack this smoky situation and find out.

‘AITA for not inviting my coworker to a team lunch because of her dietary preferences?’

I'm a 32yo project manager at a tech company, and we have a small, tight knit team. Every month, we go out for lunch to bond and unwind from the stress of our projects. Last month, I organized a lunch at a local BBQ place, which is a favorite among most of the team.

However, one of my coworkers, Priya, follows a strict Jain diet, which means she doesn't eat meat, eggs, or root vegetables like onions, garlic, potatoes, etc. I thought she might feel uncomfortable at a BBQ joint, so I didn't invite her, thinking I was being considerate.

She mentioned that she could have joined us for the company and maybe ordered a side salad or brought her own food. I hadn't considered that option, and I felt terrible for making her feel left out. The situation has created a bit of tension in the team. Some colleagues think I was just trying to be thoughtful, while others believe I should have included Priya regardless of the menu.

I attempted to smooth things over by suggesting we have our next lunch at a place with more diverse options, but the awkwardness lingers. I genuinely didn't mean to offend Priya or make her feel excluded. I was trying to avoid putting her in an uncomfortable situation, but now I realize I might have fucked up. I value our team dynamic and don't want this to create a rift. Was AITA for assuming she'd prefer not to come, and how can I make it right?

This lunch fiasco highlights a classic workplace blunder: assuming instead of asking. The manager’s intent to spare Priya discomfort missed the mark—team events are about connection, not just food. Priya’s Jain diet, avoiding meat and root vegetables, doesn’t mean she can’t socialize. Dr. Derald Wing Sue, a diversity expert, notes, “Inclusion requires active engagement, not assumptions about others’ needs.”

The manager’s oversight reflects a broader issue: dietary inclusivity at work. A 2022 survey by Food Allergy Research & Education found 65% of employees with dietary restrictions feel excluded from workplace events due to limited food options. Priya’s willingness to bring her own meal or order a salad shows she valued the bonding, not the menu.

Sue’s advice to “seek input from all team members” could’ve saved the day. A quick chat with Priya would’ve clarified her preferences. Moving forward, alternate venues, ask for dietary needs upfront, and apologize sincerely—perhaps with a one-on-one coffee.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t mince words, serving up opinions hotter than BBQ ribs. Here’s what the community dished out:

PomegranateZanzibar − She feels excluded because you excluded her.. All you had to do was ask her what she wanted.

notlucyintheskye − YTA

Mizz-Robinson − YTA. If it’s a work team anything and you exclude someone on purpose, that’s going to cause tension. If you haven’t already, try telling her you made a mistake and you’re sorry, and also that you know you brought tension to the team without ever meaning to. Then listen.

jrm1102 − YTA -. or make her feel excluded. but, you excluded her. She can manage her own diet.

Away-Understanding34 − YTA...if it's a team lunch, every member of the team needs to be invited. The choice is then on them to attend or not. It's not up to you to make that decision. Why don't you alternate with everyone's favorite places? 

chaingun_samurai − we have a small, tight knit team.. Priya doesn't count. Every month, we go out for lunch to bond and unwind from the stress of our projects. Last month, I organized a lunch at a local BBQ place, which is a favorite among most of the team.. Priya doesn't count.

SuccessfulAd4606 − Yes, of course YTA, how is it possible you have a responsible job yet it never occurred to you that there would be menu items that would accommodate her?

Injuinac − YTA for scheduling a team lunch at a place without menu options for her diet. YTA again for not inviting her. Bad manager. Learn.

RedneckDebutante − Ouch, man. That's like HR-level bad. I'm Catholic, and it's Lent right now. When my office goes out to eat on Fridays, I'd either order a salad or just eat some bread or something while everyone else at BBQ. It's not about the food, it's about the experience and the bonding.. You need to fix this ASAP.

sheetofice − I have teambuilding exercises by excluding members of my team and not communicating effectively with them. Am I an i**ot?

These Redditors are sizzling with takes—some roast the manager, others urge a fix. But do their spicy comments capture the full flavor of workplace inclusivity?

This manager’s lunch plan turned into a lesson in inclusion gone wrong. Thinking he was considerate, he left Priya out, proving assumptions can burn team spirit faster than a grill. A simple conversation could’ve kept the vibe saucy, not sour. Now, he’s got a chance to rebuild trust with an apology and better planning. Have you ever misjudged a coworker’s needs? Share your stories—how do you make team events welcoming for all?

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