AITA for going out to eat when my husband is working late shifts?

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In a cozy apartment, the aroma of last night’s curry lingers as a woman laces up her shoes, craving a vibrant Peruvian dish her husband wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot fork. For years, she’s savored solo dinners at restaurants while he works late, a small rebellion against their mismatched taste buds. It’s her slice of joy—sipping ceviche with a book, unbothered. But when her husband discovers she’s dining in rather than grabbing takeout, his unexpected anger casts a shadow over their usually sunny bond.

This quirky tale of culinary independence has Reddit buzzing. Is she wrong for indulging in these solo feasts, or is her husband’s reaction a storm in a teacup? The clash of expectations and unspoken assumptions pulls readers into a relatable drama, where food preferences and communication collide with surprising intensity.

‘AITA for going out to eat when my husband is working late shifts?’

My husband and I work different shifts. I worked first shift and he works a late second shift. So we don’t often eat dinner together because he leaves for work right before I get home and he gets home from work after I am asleep. We also have very different tastes in foods. He has a more basic, American food based diet and he also loves seafood.

I love foods from other cultures, but I don’t like seafood. Because of this, when we are home together we cook different meals and eat it together. If I make something he likes, I’ll ask if he wants some. If he makes something I like, he does the same. But we always eat together on our days off, whether it be eating out on a date or eating cooked food at home.

We’ve been doing this for years and it’s worked. But since we work different shifts, 5 to 6 days per week, I am eating dinner alone. I usually cook, but a couple times per month, I go out to a restaurant that serves food he doesn’t like to have dinner. When we are talking later, I usually tell him how I had something from a restaurant and he asks how it was and I tell him. No biggie.

The other day I was out trying a Peruvian restaurant recommended by a coworker. My husband and I had looked at the menu and he didn’t see anything he was particularly looking forward to on it, so I added it to my list of places to go when he works. And I went that day. He got out of work early and called me and I told him where I was. And he got mad.

I finished up and went home and he was upset and asked how long this has been going on for. I was confused because he knows I do this. But apparently he thought I did pickup or delivery. I tend to eat in because I don’t want dishes at home. He also can’t really explain why he is so mad, but it seems he’s mad I’m out dining alone?

I just go out, get food, and read while I wait and eat. Then I come home. It’s always food he won’t like as well, so I go alone so I can have it. He hasn’t been really talking to me since it happened. The conversations are short and cold and it makes me feel like I did something wrong by doing this for years and not specifying I eat in the restaurant to do it.

He has never acted this way about anything else, he has always been very kind and willing to work through any issues we have. So I am not sure what’s different with this.. AITA for going out to eat alone and not specifying to my husband that I ate in the restaurant?

Solo dining can feel like a declaration of independence, but for this couple, it’s stirred unexpected tension. The wife’s restaurant adventures highlight a common relationship dynamic: navigating personal freedom within a partnership. Her husband’s reaction, though vague, suggests a deeper discomfort, perhaps rooted in unspoken expectations or insecurities.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Small moments of disconnection can build into larger issues if not addressed openly”. Here, the husband’s anger may stem from a perceived breach of trust—not about infidelity, but about assumptions. He imagined her eating takeout at home, not lingering in a restaurant’s glow. This cognitive dissonance, as one Redditor suggested, can spark irrational frustration.

Broadening the lens, a 2022 study found 68% of couples cite miscommunication as a primary conflict source. The wife’s solo dining, though harmless, may have triggered her husband’s fear of growing apart, amplified by their opposing schedules. Advice? They should carve out time for a candid chat—perhaps over a shared meal at home. She could invite him to join her at a neutral restaurant, bridging their culinary divide. Open dialogue, not cold shoulders, will restore their rhythm.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s armchair therapists have weighed in with their signature wit and candor. Here’s what the community had to say:

No-Maintenance-8343 − Mm going to a restaurant alone with a book sounds fantastic. And no, you’re NTA and I can’t think of a single reason why this would bother your husband. Super weird.

Arbor_Arabicae − The only thing I can think of is that he thinks you might be dining out alone to try to attract male attention and is getting mad at you because he doesn't really have a good reason for how he feels, especially since you told him ages ago.. NTA.

kipsterdude − NTA. Unless there's some kind of financial problem being exacerbated by you dining out occasionally, it sounds like your husband just expects you to not enjoy yourself? That's so wild to me.. Also, did you get chicken with the green sauce at the Peruvian place?

StAlvis − NTA. He also can’t really explain why he is so mad. I mean, there's no *good* explanation, so...

HereWeGo_Steelers − Is he mad because he got off work early and thought you'd be home? Then, when you weren't home, he became disappointed, and that turned into anger? NTA. Your husband needs to figure out why he's upset because you did nothing wrong.

SlappySlapsticker − Not an ahole for doing what you've been doing, it sounds delightful. Not sure your hubby is an ahole per se, I do wonder what impact finding out you've been dining in alone has had on your hubby's beliefs? Hope y'all can figure this one out, sounds like the rest of your relationship is going okay.

julianpurple − Honestly, I don’t think it is as deep as everyone is saying (he thinks you’re trying to attract ppl, etc.). Especially since he can’t specify the problem. My guess is he made assumptions about what it’s like when you eat out. You take it home.

You get delivery. Whatever. When he finds out that is not the case it creates cognitive dissonance, people don’t like cognitive dissonance and more often than not it comes out as anger. That’s my guess here. I don’t think there is anything behind it from what you wrote, he had assumptions and it discombobulated him and he got upset.. NTA

hotmessifyouwill − NTA. Eat what you want to. He’s a big boy, he can feed himself. Let him figure it out for himself.

Answer_The_Walrus − NTA. Some people get really upset/uncomfortable at the idea of someone dining out alone. One of my roommates was like that, absolutely hated to eat alone in public and if I was going to do it, almost bullied me into letting them come

and eat too (they paid for themselves) They explained it as sad/lonely/pathetic, that someone eating out alone means no one cares about them. I think that's an absolutely bonkers take but we had some coworkers that agreed with her!

Both-Enthusiasm708 − Since you say you guys normally work through things I say NAH. He is borderline an ahole because he is not talking. I wondering if there is something he is feeling he can't put into words or doesn't fully understand himself. Could be fomo, or maybe he has some worries about infidelity popping up, or maybe just working different shifts is starting to have an effect.

There might be an underlying issue that he has been feeling distance in the relationship and this just amplified that feeling. You guys hopefull just need to sit down and have a conversation. Just to make sure there isn't some underlying issue. But eating out by yourself isn't an ahole move.

These spicy takes from Reddit range from supportive to speculative, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe the husband’s just jealous of her lomo saltado!

This tale of solo dining and spousal spats reminds us how easily assumptions can derail even the strongest partnerships. The wife’s love for global flavors shouldn’t be a crime, but her husband’s hurt feelings deserve a seat at the table too. A heart-to-heart could turn this hiccup into a chance to reconnect. What would you do if your partner’s harmless habit suddenly sparked a fight? Share your thoughts below—let’s dish on this delicious drama!

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