AITA for calling my ex-wife’s new boyfriend names in front of my kids?

In a quiet suburban neighborhood, a father’s simmering resentment bubbles over, tainting the air with sharp words. Two years after his ex-wife’s affair shattered their family, a 46-year-old dad finds himself wrestling with raw emotions. His young children, caught in the crossfire of a messy divorce, overhear him hurling insults at their mother’s new boyfriend—the man who once lived next door. The sting of betrayal fuels his outbursts, but when his ex-wife calls him out, he’s left questioning: is he the villain here?

The situation feels like a soap opera, yet it’s all too real for this fractured family. With kids so young, every word carries weight, shaping their fragile understanding of love and loyalty. Readers can’t help but wonder: how do you shield children from adult pain while grappling with your own? This Reddit tale dives into the messy heart of co-parenting, where hurt and responsibility collide.

‘AITA for calling my ex-wife’s new boyfriend names in front of my kids?’

Alright, I'll (46m) make a long story short. My ex-wife (40f) left me two years ago for our nextdoor neighbor, after I found out they've been having an affair for about a year. We have two kids together (5f, 8m). Unfortunately the judge gave us split custody, though if I had my way, she and her new boyfriend would never come near my kids again after what they did.

I wish they didn't have to grow up thinking this kind of behavior is acceptable. Anyways, it's been a long painful process. I'm at my wits end with this divorce. I'm trying to be the mature adult here, but every once in a while I'll have a slip up and call her new boyfriend obscene names when referring to him, sometimes maybe when the kids are within earshot.

I know it's not the most mature thing to do, but I can't see why I need to be respectful towards the man who stole my wife and broke up our family. The other day, my ex wife left me a long voicemail telling me how unacceptable it is to call this guy names in front of our kids.

My guess is that one of them repeated an insult to her. Our friend wrote to me to back up my wife, claiming that I was being unfair to my kids. Out of this entire story, how the hell am I the one being the immature and unfair? I know I'm not perfect, but acting like I'm the monster in this story seems excessive.. AITA?

Navigating a divorce is like walking a tightrope, especially when kids are involved. This father’s story highlights the emotional landmines of co-parenting after betrayal. His insults, though understandable in private, risk harming his children’s sense of stability. The conflict pits his pain against his duty to foster a neutral environment, while his ex-wife’s new partner becomes a lightning rod for unresolved grief.

The broader issue here is parental alienation—when one parent’s actions subtly or overtly turn kids against the other. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, alienation can lead to anxiety and strained family bonds in children. This dad’s behavior, however unintentional, treads close to this line, as Reddit users noted.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family estrangement, offers insight: “Parents must separate their personal grievances from their co-parenting responsibilities to protect children’s emotional health.” Coleman’s perspective underscores the need for this father to channel his anger elsewhere. His insults may feel cathartic, but they burden his kids with adult conflicts, potentially shaping their views on relationships.

For solutions, therapy or journaling can help process betrayal without involving kids. Co-parenting classes, often court-mandated, teach strategies for neutral communication. This dad could benefit from venting to trusted friends or a counselor, reserving his energy for positive moments with his children.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s verdict? A unanimous roast of this dad’s choices, served with a side of tough love. The community didn’t hold back, calling out the harm his words inflict on his kids. Here’s a peek at their candid, sometimes biting takes—straight from the internet’s peanut gallery.

Katerh − YTA. And let's be clear,

I can't see why I need to be respectful towards the man who stole my wife and broke up our family Because doing otherwise is called parental alienation and your ex can take you to court for it. You're making your kids feel like they have to choose between you and their mom.

Look I get it, you feel wronged and that this whole situation isn't fair. Too bad. Suck it up for your kids and stop putting them in the middle. Vent to a therapist because behaving like you're entitled to act like a petulant toddler isn't doing you or your kids any good.

rockology_adam − YTA. We can call our exes and the people they fucked around with whatever we want when there are no children around, but you have to button it in front of the kids. It sounds like you have a lot of grief stuck regarding this, OP, and I hope you're talking to someone about it.

But you can't badmouth your ex, or her new man, or anyone else on her side of things, really, in front of the kids because the kids will have to interact with those people and deserve to make their own opinions about them. If that person is dangerous, you deal through the courts. Otherwise, this is just something you have to live with. It sucks.

Primary-Falcon-4109 − YTA. Your children are so so young, they do not need to be dragged into adult issues. It is your job as a father to shield and protect your children, not parade your issues in front of them. If they were in their teens I could excuse it a bit, but they are very young, their household has shattered, and they are dealing with a lot of complex issues and emotions.

They don't need you to make it worse. I understand that what your ex did was wrong, it is not that you are not the wronged party, however, becoming bitter and angry and displaying that in front of your children is not going to help your relationship going forward with them, nor is it going to look good for you in future custody talks.

You're 46, you are fully capable of restraining your words until you are with your buddies or adult family members to vent, there's zero reason your children should hear anything negative about either parent here, it only hurts them.

IMO there are two separate issues here, your wife is the

You're making him a s**pegoat for your wife's actions and the failure of your marriage. If it wasn't him it would've been someone else, why create a toxic relationship with someone your kids are going to have to interact with 50% of their lives? Your focus should be on what is best for your children, and this behavior is not.

BurritoBowlw_guac − The real victims in all of this is your children and you are making it harder on them. They have to live part time with their mother and her SO and for your childrens sake try and make it a peaceful existence. I know you are still hurt and angry but YTA. 

bubblegumfudge − YTA. I can only imagine how stressful it is for your kids to be witnessing their parents splitting up in real time. You’re adding fuel to the fire by being calling the man names around the kids. Doing this isn’t going to make anything better.

Your kids will just think this kind of behavior is okay, or will just upset them further seeing you act this way. Just ignore them and work on your temperament. Try and do things that make you feel good. This situation sucks but calling him names isn’t going to change anything.

WebAcceptable7932 − YTA. Not for hating him or your ex.  You are an AH for bringing your kids into it.  Vent and insult him all you want but not in front of your young children.  They don’t need to be dragged into the adults problems.

NapTimeIsBest − YTA and frankly, playing a very dangerous game here. Is what your ex and her BF did a**orrent? Yes. Is life fair? No. When you call another party names in front your kids and kids will internalize it. Your ex could use that to claim you are alienating them from her and her BF and the courts will not look kindly on that and its possible reduce your custody.

On the list of priorities numbers 1 through 1,000 should be your children. That means doing all you can (and even working beyond what you think you are capable of) to make this transition in their lives as smooth as possible and that means suppressing anger,

frustration, rage etc,  in when there even a remote change they could see or hear you. And, as your kids get older they may start to resent you for putting the emotional pressure on them to not like their mom's boyfriend.

HauntedReader − YTA. Call him names and vent if you need to but doing this in front id the kids is not okay. It doesn’t matter how angry you are at them, she is their mother and you can’t and shouldn’t cut her out of their life.. You need to co-parent. At the very least you need to not drag the children into your issues.

Disneylover-4837 − YTA. I’m separated from my kids’ father too. But I make sure to be very careful about what I say about him in their presence. They need to make their own opinions about him. You need to maybe find another outlet for those feelings. Can you try maybe journaling? Or grief Counseling? Or something like that.

Individual-Subject19 − Get some help, counseling etc. to work through this before you end up alienating your kids as well.

These Redditors aren’t mincing words, but do their harsh judgments capture the full picture? Or is this dad’s pain being unfairly dismissed?

This father’s story is a raw reminder that divorce doesn’t just split couples—it challenges parents to rise above personal pain for their kids’ sake. His struggle to balance hurt with responsibility resonates with anyone who’s faced co-parenting’s tightrope.

While Reddit’s chorus calls for restraint, the path forward lies in finding healthy outlets for anger and prioritizing his children’s peace. What would you do in his shoes? Have you faced similar challenges in shielding kids from adult conflicts? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation going!

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