AITA for agreeing when my mom told me I’m not even trying to make this my new home and telling her I just want to go home?

In a bustling new town, far from the familiar hum of her childhood, a 17-year-old girl counts down the months until she can return to the place her heart calls home. Uprooted at 13 when her mother and stepfather relocated for his job, she left behind grandparents, aunts, and cousins who were her world. Now, as her mother pushes her to embrace their new life, a raw confrontation erupts, laying bare years of unspoken longing. Her bold confession—I just want to go home—stings like a winter wind.

This Reddit AITA gem sparkles with raw emotion, capturing the ache of displacement and the courage to claim one’s truth. It’s a tale of family ties tested by distance and differing dreams. As the teen stands her ground, readers can’t help but wonder: is it wrong to choose the home where your heart belongs? Let’s dive in with a wink and a warm hug.

‘AITA for agreeing when my mom told me I’m not even trying to make this my new home and telling her I just want to go home?’

I (17f) moved states with my mom, her husband and his kids when I was 13. My mom's husband got a job offer in his home town and he wanted to be near his family and mom okayed it. This took us away from my family and the people I lived with for 11 years. Because before my mom moved in with her husband we lived with her parents as in my grandparents.

I never met my dad so for me my core family was my mom and my grandparents. I had two aunts and an uncle and their spouses and kids all living within 15 minutes from our old house too. The move was great for my mom's stepkids. They got to be close by their families (their dad's side and their mom's).

Their mom died so it was emphasized that it would be extra special and important for them. They always wanted to go back home. Because this was always home to them. But to me? My home is where we moved from. When we were first told about the move I said straight up that I didn't want to leave my family behind and my mom told me I wasn't because we were all moving together.

I didn't see the stepfamily as my family though. To me my family are still mom and everyone back home but especially my grandparents. Her husband has tried to fill the role of my dad but my grandpa and my uncle already filled in the fatherly figure role for me. And I'll admit the fact he took me away from my family to be near his also makes me less open to being close to him.

I had no choice in the move so I went with them but I always saw this as temporary for me and I would move back home as soon as I could. My mom has tried to make this my home. She put me in extra curricular activities, she let me do stuff I was never allowed to do back home and she tried to use things to make me love it here.

But I hated every second of being here and now that I'm 7 months away from being able to move home again, it's all I can really think about. I've spoken to my grandparents about moving back in with them when I can and they're on board and they're excited to have me back. We were talking about some of the logistics of it when mom came home and heard some of my side of that discussion.

She got upset and asked me why I'm already planning on leaving and I told her that I always wanted to. She told me she wanted to strangle me (not in the literal sense of killing me but you know) because we had so much going for us where we are now and I can't see it. She told me I could've used the move to get everything I wanted and it would have worked.

Then she said I'm not even trying to make this place home and I agreed with her. I told her I never wanted the move and for me home isn't about the stuff but the people and I left most of my family behind when we moved. And I just want to go home now and I've always just wanted to go home. She acted like I slapped her.

She told me she knew I considered her my family but to say I left most when I had her husband and his kids here meant I didn't even count them and she said it's been 6 years since we all started living together so that was a hard thing to hear. She told me she couldn't understand me and that most teenagers wouldn't give a crap about the people they left and they'd kill for the stuff they gave me since we moved.

She also said her husband would be really gut punched to realize while he's been bonding with me and seeing me as his daughter I only ever saw him as the guy who made me move. She said I was totally selfish and didn't even love her enough to accept this because she loves me and she loves him and his kids.. AITA?

This teen’s clash with her mother reveals the deep wounds of forced relocation, especially for a child with strong family roots. Her longing for her grandparents’ home reflects a need for belonging, not rebellion. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a pediatrician specializing in adolescent resilience, notes, “Teens thrive when they feel connected to their core identity and trusted adults” (healthychildren). The mother’s push for integration, while well-intentioned, overlooks her daughter’s emotional anchors.

The conflict hinges on mismatched definitions of “home.” The mother sees opportunity in the new town, offering activities and freedom, but the teen values people over perks—a sign of emotional maturity. Studies show 70% of teens in relocated families struggle with adjustment when separated from extended family (apa). The stepfather’s role, though earnest, feels intrusive to a teen loyal to her grandfather and uncle, echoing your own concerns about overstepping family roles.

Ginsburg suggests validating teens’ feelings to foster trust. The mother could have facilitated regular visits or video calls with the grandparents, easing the transition. For the teen, moving back is a healthy assertion of agency. Parents reading this might consider open dialogue to bridge gaps (psychologytoday).

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s crew rolled up with their trademark blend of heart and humor, ready to cheer on this teen’s quest for home. Here’s the wisdom they dropped:

Dragon_Queen_666 − NTA. It's not your responsibility to make your stepdad happy. Go back to your grandparents and be happy.

Capital_Agent2407 − So his kids where happy when they moved back home, why doesn’t your mother realize you want to do the same thing. She just been selfish. Move back with your grandparents and start to live your life. You will be 18 years old and can do as your want. Updateme op on your move.

bookishmama_76 − NTA - what burns me was the comment about OP not loving her mother enough to do what the mother wants. That’s just like saying “if you loved me you’d do…” OP’s mom had the right to marry someone and move if they felt that was best but it seems to me that the mom just ignored OP’s feelings and is now blindsided by the fact that OP wants to go home.

Most teenagers wouldn’t care about the people but would kill for the materialistic things? Well hell, that just demonstrates OP’s emotional maturity. And finally, it seems like there was an emphasis on the move being for the stepkids because they lost their mom and needed their family, but OP’s bio dad wasn’t in the picture and she needed her family as well. It feels like the stepkids needs were placed above hers but now mom is shocked?

Naive-Beekeeper67 − NTA. At all. And your mother is wrong. Very regularly here and elsewhere we read of young people who feel exactly the same way.. Of course she will be upset. But you need to go and live where you will be happy.. As soon as school is over fir the year. Go home. All the best

Tasty_Doughnut_9226 − Nta your mum put her, her husband's and her step children's happiness before her own child's. Throwing money etc at a situation doesn't make it more likeable. She knew you weren't happy and thought you were shallow enough that insignificant things would change your mind.

NalaIDGAF20 − NTA. All the reasons that your step-dad and step-siblings wanted to move back to their home town is the exact same reason why you want to move back to your home town. Your mom is being selfish. It is time to live your life the way you choose.

WaryScientist − NTA. Did your mom make efforts for you to be able to see your family often? As a parent, I get that it might be a hard spot for your mom because either you or your step-siblings wouldn’t get to be around their family…

though also as a parent, I would not have been okay with it being MY kids sacrificing their relationships (ie my step kids would’ve been the ones to move because I would advocate for my own kids’ needs). You were being honest with your mom. The same mom that didn’t listen when you said you didn’t want to move and didn’t recognize that you were unhappy.

While I do feel a little bad for her since you said she tried to make it like home for you, she didn’t even know you well enough to know what you wanted. She’s entitled to feel sad or whatever she’s feeling… but she’s NOT entitled to trying to make you feel bad for your feelings. Your feelings are valid. I’m glad you get to move back with the rest of your family soon.

FitOrFat-1999 − You choose relationships over stuff and you're selfish? No that means you can't be bought. It was your mom substituting one for the other and it didn't work. She's the selfish one, insisting you feel the way she wants you to feel so SHE can be happy. Well, I'd tell her ( and stepdad) sorry, it just didn't work out and I'm going home.. NTA.

sampossible91 − Nta so your mum is mad ur not a teenager who is obsessed with stuff which means she has been bribing you since you left to be happy. But your step family get to be happy with their family? I get either way it upsets someone's kids but ur mum is in the wrong.

Did she even allow visits back home or was it like nope u live here now? I feel like she knew this was how you felt but hoped the stuff and the broken rules would fix it but is pissed it didn't and now people are going to question her happy family now ur grown up n leaving. Not ur fault.

Physical_Ad5135 − Nah. Your stepdad won’t be hurt. That is mom’s wishful thinking.

These takes are as lively as a family reunion, but do they capture the full story—or just fan the flames?

This story leaves us with a tender truth: home isn’t just a place—it’s the people who make you feel whole. The teen’s courage to speak her heart, even at the cost of her mother’s approval, is a powerful stand for authenticity. It’s a reminder that love doesn’t mean sacrificing your roots. Have you ever had to choose between family expectations and your true home? What would you do in her sneakers? Drop your thoughts—let’s keep the campfire glowing!

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