AITA if I say no to letting my sister wear my wedding dress?

In a quiet family home, where old grudges linger like dust in the corners, a bride’s cherished wedding dress became the spark of a heated dispute. A 34-year-old woman, happily married for three years, faced an unexpected request from her estranged older sister: to wear her wedding dress for her own upcoming nuptials. But this wasn’t just about fabric and lace—the sister’s plans eerily mirrored the woman’s wedding, down to the date, photographer, and location, stirring a cocktail of nostalgia and unease.

The saga, shared on Reddit’s AITA forum, pulls readers into a tangle of sisterly strife and sentimental treasures. With the sister’s history of dismissing the woman’s wedding and a recent no-contact fallout, the dress request feels less like a bonding moment and more like a boundary violation. As family pressures mount, the question looms: is saying “no” to sharing her dress a selfish act or a stand for personal memories?

‘AITA if I say no to letting my sister wear my wedding dress?’

I (34F) have a sister (37F) who just recently got engaged in February. My sister and I have never been close growing up, to the point where this summer we went no contact after another argument. My partner and I will have been married 3 years this August, and after my partner proposed my sister messaged me saying she did not want to be involved in the wedding or even hear about wedding plans.

Although hurtful I complied, and now that she is getting married she has begun to make contact again. Today while talking to my mother she mentioned that my sister had said she wants to wear my wedding veil. I told her that was okay as long as I could give it to her with a box stating “something borrowed” as I have already offered it to two other friends with upcoming weddings.

Then my mother informs me my sister and her partner are getting married the weekend of my and my partners wedding anniversary, that they are booking the same photographer, that she wants her photos taken in the same location as mine- and then asked if my sister could wear my dress (which she would have to have fitted so it would never be my dress again).

I expressed to my mother I wasn’t sure about using my dress and how I wanted to keep it. However, my father chimed in to the phone call saying I should “just give it to her”. AITA if I say no? [TL/DR - My older sister plans to get married on my anniversary weekend, wear my dress and veil, and take pictures at the same location as I did. AITA to say she can’t wear my dress?]

This dress dispute unveils the thorny dynamics of sibling relationships strained by envy and poor communication. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a family therapist, notes, “Siblings often compete for identity, and copying behaviors can signal unresolved rivalry” (Psychology Today). The sister’s attempt to replicate the woman’s wedding—dress, veil, date, and all—suggests a desire to overshadow or claim her sister’s moment, perhaps fueled by jealousy or a need for validation.

The woman’s hesitation to share her dress is rooted in its emotional weight. Wedding dresses aren’t just garments; they’re time capsules of joy. Alterations would erase her connection to it, a loss she’s entitled to avoid, especially given their strained bond. The sister’s dismissal of the woman’s wedding years ago adds salt to the wound, making her sudden interest feel opportunistic.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: navigating family expectations around personal boundaries. A 2022 survey by the American Psychological Association found 65% of adults struggle to set boundaries with family due to guilt (APA). Dr. Orbuch advises clear, calm communication: the woman could firmly state her decision while offering alternative support, like recommending a dress shop. Locking the dress away, as Reddit suggests, ensures its safety without escalating drama.

For the woman, standing firm is key. A direct but kind conversation with her sister could clarify boundaries, while therapy might help both process underlying tensions.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew brought their A-game, dishing out advice with a side of shade. Here’s the scoop from the comment section:

Dittoheadforever − You're NTA and your sister's behavior is weird enough to make a Lifetime B-movie of the week plot outline. . However, my father chimed in to the phone call saying I should “just give it to her”. . Let me guess, he went on to say

Reasonable-Sale8611 − Why would you lend your dress or your veil to someone you don't even speak to? This makes zero sense to me.

Janetaz18 − NTA. And store the dress at a trusted friend's house so your mother doesn't somehow come into your house and take it. It's your dress. You deserve to keep it.

Finnegan7921 − NTA. That is YOUR dress. You can't stop her from using the same photographer, booking the venue, sane date, etc but you can sure as hell tell her to get her own dress.. What's she going to want next, your husband ?

NotBettySpaghetti − NTA I don’t understand why your sister is trying to replicate your wedding. I have to be honest, I wouldn’t even let her borrow the veil. Especially considering she wanted nothing to do with your wedding. Which makes the whole thing even more bizarre considering she’s copying you right down to the date or weekend of your wedding anniversary. This is weird.

LonelyOwl68 − NTA. Your wedding dress is yours, to keep and preserve for yourself, or to give away to someone else, if that's what you want to do. It's very telling that your sister and you haven't been in contact for what sounds like several months, and it's only now that she wants to borrow your veil (at first), and now wants the entire dress (as of now), knowing that you will never have it for your own souvenier of your own wedding again if you give it to her.

Your father's opinion is his own, and he is entitled to it. Keep in mind, however, that most men rent tuxedos to be married in, clothing that has been worn by probably dozens and dozens of other men before and after them. They don't feel the same way about wedding clothing that women do.

It sounds like your sister, by using the same venue as yours, wearing your veil and dress, and on your anniversary as well, is trying to hijack your memories of your wedding; the photos of all that will complete the deal. Why would she do that? It sounds like she is very jealous/envious of what you and your husband have and your own wedding, and want's to take those memories away from you for some reason.

It's sounds malicious and spiteful to me, dressed up in words that sound like she's making nice but really isn't. She has the choice of any other date, almost any other venue, and getting her own dress and veil. If you aren't completely comfortable with all that she's doing, don't loan or give her anything at all. These are your memories, your wedding, your dress, yours and your husband's. Don't let her horn in on that.

Ok-Work-410 − okay, NTA, you know why.. dont let her have the dress OR the veil tbh, I would honestly cut contact but thats your choice... blah blah whatever, but girl 3 whole people want your veil??? Can you drop a pic or a link 👀?! How beautiful is this thing!

wandering_salad − NTA. That is such an unusual request, especially coming from an estranged sister who now, when she wants something from you, is making attempts at being back in your life (she will be AWOL again once she no longer needs anything from you).. All of this sounds mega creepy, she's clearly trying to copy your wedding.

Don't even lend her the veil, you'll never get it back. Definitely don't hand over the dress.

I told you I already promised the veil to friends, and I'm not convinved you'll give it back to me after the wedding or that it won't be altered or damaged, so I'm not going to lend the veil to you either. Enjoy wedding planning, but please leave me out of it as it's clear you wanted nothing to do with my wedding, so I don't know why you are now asking for my involvement in yours.

miamarcal − NTA but a question: who paid for your wedding? The dress?. Either way, I concur with others. Move items to a trusted friend’s house and say “no”.

CrazyPirate79 − NTA No veil! Absolutely NO dress! And go back to No Contact. Your sister is being super weird.

These takes are bold, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just popcorn-worthy drama fuel?

This wedding dress showdown reminds us that family ties can tangle over the smallest things—or the most sentimental. The woman’s choice to guard her dress isn’t just about fabric; it’s about preserving her story against a sister’s puzzling mimicry. As family pressures swirl, clarity and boundaries might pave the way forward. What would you do if your sibling tried to claim your cherished memories? Drop your thoughts—would you share the dress or lock it away?

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