AITAH for not allowing my ex-husband and his wife to take full custody of my kids?

Under the weight of past betrayals and ongoing family complexities, a custody dispute has emerged that challenges the boundaries of a blended family. At the heart of the matter is a longstanding arrangement that has allowed a delicate balance between parental responsibilities and personal space. Now, with the arrival of a newborn in a remarried household, emotions run high and pressures from all sides threaten to disrupt an already fragile harmony.

Set against the backdrop of lingering resentment and familial loyalty, the scene unfolds with accusations and counterclaims over what truly benefits the children. The OP, juggling three kids from a previous marriage alongside a tender new addition, finds herself defending a current custody setup against claims that any change might harm the kids. The struggle is as much about protecting emotional stability as it is about preserving hard-won parental rights.

‘AITAH for not allowing my ex-husband and his wife to take full custody of my kids?’

Backstory: I met my ex-husband, Eric, in college. Little did I know back then that he was cheating on me with a girl who lived on campus, and I was completely oblivious. We got married, had a pretty good marriage at first, and welcomed three kids into our lives [13F, 8M, 5M].

It wasn’t until years later that my sister clued me in on Eric's infidelity when he showed up late to her wedding with a woman named Rianna. I was shocked and felt utterly blind-sighted because I had no idea who Rianna was, thinking she was just a friend of my sister’s.

To cut a long story short, after finding out about his cheating — which happened while I was raising our kids — I filed for divorce. We ended up with a 50/50 custody arrangement. I had the kids during the weekdays, while Eric took them Friday through Saturday, occasionally Sunday mornings.

All the while, I struggled with the emotional fallout and the fact that he married Rianna shortly after our divorce, which added more salt to the wound since they now have two kids together (10 and 6) as a result of their relationship.

Fast forward to now: I’ve remarried and recently had a daughter with my new husband, who is now just a few weeks old. Honestly, the transition has been tough. I feel like I’m juggling a lot — raising three kids, a newborn, and trying to forge a life after what I went through with Eric.

My family, with the exception of my mom and sister, have always sided with Eric, praising him for being the

This past weekend, my kids came back from Eric's place, and they were expressing annoyance about their baby sister crying and how I ask them to help out occasionally. I ask them to do simple things like watch her while I run to the bathroom, make a small bottle now and then, or give her a pacifier.

Just typical big sibling duties — nothing that should be too overwhelming. However, my 8- and 5-year-old were complaining a bit too much for my liking. Things escalated when Eric and Rianna suggested that they should take full custody of the kids, claiming that the new baby was changing family dynamics and affecting my kids’ academic progress.

I totally understand that having a newborn can be an adjustment, but I think asking them to pitch in here and there is not “parentifying” them. I just want to involve them so they don’t feel neglected or uncared for, which I believe can be common for kids in blended families.

I had a talk with my kids about it, and they told me they were just joking around and actually enjoyed helping. I was firm with them about how it's not funny to joke about such serious things, especially with their dad and stepmom, who, let’s be real, will do anything to get back at me for the divorce.

Things took a turn when Rianna texted me saying she wanted what's best for the kids and that the newborn would negatively impact their lives. I’ve seriously had enough, so I ignored her message and blocked her. But then she had the audacity to text my oldest daughter, claiming that I didn’t care about their happiness, which is just flat-out untrue.

My husband and my mom have been supportive, telling me that Eric and Rianna are overreacting, and my sister has been a rock, advising me to just ignore them. Now Eric is trying to push for this full custody arrangement again, and I’m at a crossroads.

His side of the family insists I should bow out for the

Navigating custody conflicts in blended families is never straightforward. Even subtle changes—like integrating baby duties—can trigger heated disputes. In such complex dynamics, clarity in parenting roles is crucial. The OP’s scenario is a vivid example of how personal history intertwines with legal arrangements, often leaving emotional scars on all involved. Establishing firm boundaries becomes essential when past betrayals resurface during family transitions.

The emotional fallout from a divorce compounded by infidelity calls for careful management. Experts emphasize the importance of consistency for children facing multiple parental figures. As Dr. Laura Markham from Psychology Today explains, “Children thrive when they have consistent, loving guidance from both sides of the family, even amidst challenging transitions.” This perspective reinforces the idea that maintaining a balanced, predictable routine can mitigate the adverse effects of family upheavals.

Further, studies suggest that disruptions in custody arrangements—especially those driven by external pressures—can lead to long-term issues such as parental alienation and behavioral changes in children. In this case, the OP’s insistence on preserving the current dynamic is an effort to shield the kids from additional emotional instability. Transparent communication and legally sound practices are advised to prevent the escalation of such disputes while ensuring that every voice in the family is respected.

Ultimately, addressing these conflicts through clear guidelines and proactive dialogue could pave the way for more resilient family relationships. The expert consensus is clear: a consistent and empathetic approach in custody disputes benefits everyone involved. For more in-depth discussion on similar topics, you can refer to resources available on Psychology Today.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community has weighed in with a mix of humor, candor, and fierce support for the OP’s stance. Many commenters applaud her for standing up against what they see as unwarranted interference in her carefully established custody arrangement.

A recurring sentiment is that any attempt by her ex-husband and his wife to disrupt the balance—especially under the guise of protecting the kids—seems like a tactic to shift power rather than a genuine concern for the children’s welfare.

K_A_irony − You need a lawyer in the mix ASAP. You need all communication to go through a parenting app. For now 100% do not ask the kids to do ANYTHING for the baby and make time to do a few one on one things with them.

Your ex and his wife are totally whispering in the kids ears... going to try and be the FUN parents with little or no rules and are trying to alienate your kids from you. You need to go ALL IN on addressing this NOW.. And duh you would be the AH if you let these assholes steal your kids.. NTA.

Prize-Juggernaut-810 − Of course you’re not ! And what they are doing is actually is very serious , you can go to a judge and say they are talking negatively about you, it’s called “parental alienation” and they can adjust custody or order your ex and his wife to shut the hell up

Weird-Salamander-349 − He showed up to *your* sister’s wedding with the woman he was cheating with? And you were not there? And he was parenting two small children while you guys were married, living together, and raising kids? And *your* whole family except your sister and mom are on his side about everything? I’m calling malarkey.

Hidden_Vixen21 − They have a kid together older than your youngest? And people are still siding with him?

Lovebug-1055 − My ex and his new wife did the same thing to me. I contacted a lawyer and he sent them a letter saying basically file a motion or shut up about it to the children. You are just confusing the kids and that’s not right. Guess what, absolutely nothing happened after the lawyers letter.

Difficult-Coffee6402 − Wtaf? How on earth would separating the children from a loving mother (or father) be in their best interest? Don’t let them get to you this is total b**lshit. Of course a new baby is an adjustment for all but so what? I truly don’t understand.

Do they think these children should just be sheltered from realities of life? Is resilience and not having things 100% the way a kid wants it to be suddenly a bad thing? I’m infuriated and you should be too.

Unless there is more to this story they couldn’t be more wrong that is a terrible thing to suggest. Edit: and to text your child and involve them in this nonsense is disgusting. They should be ashamed of themselves.

AdAccomplished6870 − 'What is best for the kids was you not screwing my husband while I was raising the family.'

PresentationThat2839 − I would be so tempted to unblock her and text her the joke

ImaBitchCaroleBaskin − Do you really want those 2 assholes alternating your children from you for the rest of their lives? Because that's exactly what they will do. Just like her text to your daughter ( which needs to be preserved for your atty).

thebaronobeefdip − He showed up to your *sisters wedding* with the woman he was cheating on you with......? Either this guy's IQ is smaller than his shoe size or this is fake as f**k...

In conclusion, this dispute isn’t merely about custody—it’s about protecting a carefully cultivated family dynamic in the midst of relentless external pressures. The OP’s decision to maintain the current arrangement reflects a deep commitment to the emotional well-being of her children.

It also serves as a cautionary tale about how easily family bonds can be tested when old wounds resurface in new ways. What would you do if you found yourself facing such a challenging crossroads? Share your thoughts and join the conversation.

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