AITAH for repeating back what he said to me?

Picture a lazy evening, sprawled on a couch, where a bowl of pasta sits heavy and a lighthearted chat takes a sharp turn. For a 24-year-old woman, let’s call her Lily, a casual grumble about bloating gets a cheeky jab from her boyfriend: “You look 4 months pregnant.” Quick as a whip, she fires back, “Well, you look 8 months pregnant,” expecting a laugh. Instead, the room chills—his face falls, and a cozy night morphs into a battleground of hurt feelings.

Lily’s quip, meant to match his playful vibe, lands like a rogue spark on dry grass, igniting his insecurities about weight. Posted on Reddit’s AITA forum, her tale pulls us into a whirlwind of body image, banter, and bruised egos. As he storms off, demanding apologies, we’re left wondering: was Lily’s comeback a fair play, or did it cut too deep? Let’s unpack this couch-side clash.

‘AITAH for repeating back what he said to me?’

AITAH, me(24 F) and my boyfriend (29 M)were sat on the sofa when I mentioned how bloated I am (I just ate a huge serving of pasta) he turns and says “you look 4 months pregnant” to which I said in return “yeah well you look 8 months pregnant”

He’s taken massive offence to my reply back stating because I’m not actually fat and that he was joking his comment was ok however because he is on the larger side and struggles with his weight I shouldn’t have said that. I replied back saying he shouldn’t have said that in the first place then and to take it as you will.

He said that theres things you shouldn’t joke about if the other person is self conscious about. So I replied back saying if he’s so self conscious about his weight then he shouldn’t be joking about other people’s weight regardless of if they’re self conscious about it or not.

He said he will starve himself for 2 weeks now because of that comment. He’s stormed off and shut himself in the bedroom because he can’t believe what I said to him and demanded an apology (I did apologise twice) AITAH in this situation?

Lily’s sofa spat spins a tale of humor gone haywire, where a single jab exposes raw nerves. Couples therapist Dr. Stan Tatkin observes, “Humor needs a safe foundation—poking at sensitive spots like body image can unravel trust fast” source: psychology today. Lily’s boyfriend, aware of her IBS and bloating struggles, tosses a pregnancy quip, thinking it’s light fun. Her sharper comeback, hitting his weight issues, flips the mood from playful to painful.

Research backs this up—a 2023 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows 65% of couples clash over body comments, especially when insecurities collide source: sage journals. Lily’s update reveals a pattern: his jabs often leave her blamed, hinting at uneven accountability. His dramatic exit—vowing to starve himself—dodges responsibility for starting the jest.

Tatkin suggests a reset through honest talk. Lily’s apologies opened the door, but a clear boundary, like banning body jokes, could mend the rift. For deeper issues, like his blame habit, couples counseling might help them align. Lily could also weigh if this dynamic—where she’s often the scapegoat—fits her future, keeping her self-worth front and center.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s crew dove into Lily’s drama like a lively crew at a game night, tossing out cheers, shade, and everything in between. It’s like a group chat where no one holds back, and the takes are as spicy as they are heartfelt. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, brimming with support and a dash of sass:

ReviewOk929 − there's things you shouldn’t joke about if the other person is self conscious about. NTA - not nice to joke about peoples weight and you can't act b**t hurt when someone does it back at you.

JJisafox − NTA. It was clearly said in a joking manner, he way overreacted. It's not like you guys were in a heated argument and you mentioned his weight to hurt his feelings. Yall were being silly and even if he was sensitive about it, he should've just taken it because it was innocent.

[Reddit User] − NTA. If you can't take it, don't give it. That's a very basic rule of life.. He needs to grow up if he doesn't already understand that.

kymrIII − If you really want to p**s someone off a sure way of doing it is to repeat back what they say. When people say mean things, they always say the things that bother them about themselves, whether they realize it or not. Otherwise, they wouldn’t think it. It works every time. And they almost never realize that you’re repeating them.

Sensitive_Ad2681 − NTA. How sure are you that this is a grown man? Because I'm not convinced.

Tdluxon − NTA. What's good for the goose is good for the gander as the old expression goes.

aberrant-tiefling − NTA. Didn't anybody ever tell him not to throw stones if his house is made of glass?

Whatever-and-breathe − ESH. Ok you are bloated, and your tummy may look slightly bigger. He made a joke which you didn't like and I get you were not feeling great (by the way 4 months would only be small bump, sometimes you can barely notice). He should not have made the joke.

However, here is the thing, being bloated is temporary, food/gas whatever, in a few hours to next day it will be gone. You will be back to normal, nothing to see. What make you a AH, is that instead of communicating to him that actually you don't really like the joke, you made a similar joke knowing full well that his situation is not temporary, he is very self conscious about it (and has probably being picked on for it),

and you make the joke even worse by saying 8 months which is massive difference, and clearly means huge, not cute little bump. Tomorrow his weight will still be here and every time he looks in the mirror, he will remember that his girlfriend thinks he looks like he is 8 months pregnant.

So yeah in my opinion both of you have something to learn here when it comes to communication, both are AH moves. If he was making constantly remarks about your body and you snap that is one thing, but here I think there was no trying to put you down.

For him, it seems that it was meant as an innocent banter between a couple, however you did it deliberately to hurt him. There are better way to communicate, again I am not saying that what he did is right, but him being wrong, does not make you right either.

Calm_Pomegranate297 − Thank you all for your opinions I appreciate honesty no matter how harsh the critic! To answer a few questions: I suffer with IBS and because of it I constantly have a bloated belly regardless of what I eat and it causes me pain/ discomfort.

So yes I am skinny but I have a belly all of the time because of it. (Yes boyfriend knows this and knows I’m not the happiest with said bloated belly) As a lot of you have said; no this isn’t the first time something like this has happened and from reading some of your comments,

I do think I will be ending the relationship (not strictly because of this sole interaction but situations like this happen more often than not and I’m beginning to have to ask for other peoples opinion because I’m constantly put to blame) I think we’re both TA and perhaps the straw that broke the camels back!! Thank you all again I appreciate everyone’s take :) this was my first time ever posting on Reddit lel

[Reddit User] − Aww NTA. I think he just learned a lesson: you have boundaries and he has some work to do.

These Redditors laid it bare, rallying behind Lily’s quick wit while side-eyeing her boyfriend’s double standards. Some see his meltdown as a red flag, urging her to rethink the relationship’s vibe. Others point out both stumbled, missing a chance to talk it out. Their fiery takes light up the messiness of love’s banter, showing how fast a joke can flip the script. One thing’s clear—this spat’s got everyone buzzing with opinions.

Lily’s pasta-night clash serves up a tangy lesson: even playful jabs can draw blood when they hit hidden wounds. Her mirrored quip at her boyfriend’s expense flipped a lighthearted moment into a standoff, leaving her to question fairness and him to nurse his pride behind a locked door. It’s a reminder that love’s banter needs a soft touch. Ever had a joke land you in hot water with someone close? Spill your stories below—let’s sort through this messy mix of laughs and limits!

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