AITA for not wanting to be driven around by women including my gf?

A 27-year-old man has carried a deep-seated fear ever since a school bus accident when he was a kid—the bus was driven by a woman. That single event turned into a full-blown phobia: he won’t ride as a passenger if a woman’s behind the wheel, no exceptions.

Fast-forward to today: he lives with his girlfriend, who owns the car, but he always insists on driving it himself whenever they go out together. She calls it misogynistic; he calls it an irrational phobia he can’t control. Things escalated when he suggested they travel separately so she could drive alone. Now she’s pushing him to “get over it,” and he’s wondering if he’s really the jerk for sticking to his boundaries—even when they inconvenience everyone around him.

‘AITA for not wanting to be driven around by women including my gf?’

The phobia started young and stuck hard after a traumatic school bus crash driven by a woman:

Now living with his girlfriend, the issue has become a daily battle over her car:

Phobias rooted in trauma are real and often irrational—that’s what makes them phobias. Here, a childhood accident generalized into fear specifically tied to female drivers, which isn’t uncommon in how trauma can latch onto unrelated details. Exposure therapy or cognitive behavioral techniques can help rewire those responses over time.

That said, refusing treatment for decades while it impacts relationships crosses into problematic territory. Mental health experts emphasize that unmanaged phobias can strain partnerships, especially when one person feels demeaned or controlled. The girlfriend’s frustration is valid: always being driven in her own car can feel infantilizing, regardless of intent.

The gender-specific nature complicates things further—it inevitably comes across as biased, even if unconsciously. Practical concerns loom large too: emergencies, future kids, or simple shared life logistics. Avoiding therapy at this stage isn’t just self-limiting; it’s imposing restrictions on loved ones.

The healthiest path is professional help to confront the fear gradually. Compromises like separate travel might work short-term, but long-term, addressing the root allows freer, equal relationships without constant workarounds.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Online users almost unanimously called him out, stressing therapy and pointing out how the phobia plays out as sexism in practice:

Many compared it to racial bias to highlight the double standard:

Others questioned why the fear fixated on gender rather than the vehicle itself:

Several kept it short and direct:

Relationships thrive on equality, and always taking the wheel (literally) chips away at that. Therapy could open up a world where he feels safe letting go—without losing trust in the women he loves.

Would you stay with someone who wouldn’t let you drive them due to a phobia like this? Or is professional help a non-negotiable? Sound off below!