Date got angry that he arrived 7 hours before and I wasn’t there. Maybe I was in the wrong not to rush to him? I am F 40 and he is M 52

In a quaint coffee shop, where the aroma of fresh brews promised a sweet first meeting, a 40-year-old woman eagerly awaited her long-distance date after months of heartfelt chats. Their 2pm rendezvous was set, but her suitor, a 52-year-old man, threw a curveball, arriving at 7am after an all-night drive. His impatience boiled over into angry calls, demanding she drop everything. What should’ve been a romantic spark fizzled into a clash of expectations, leaving her heartbroken and questioning her choices.

This Reddit AITA post, brimming with drama, mirrors the pitfalls of modern dating: when enthusiasm turns controlling. With a dash of humor and a vivid glimpse into their tense encounter, we dive into her story, weaving expert insights and Reddit’s fiery takes to explore red flags, boundaries, and the sting of unmet hopes. Let’s sip into this tale and uncover the truth.

‘Date got angry that he arrived 7 hours before and I wasn’t there. Maybe I was in the wrong not to rush to him? I am F 40 and he is M 52’

I have been chatting to a man online that lives in a different state to me for the last 4 months. We have been talking every day online and on the phone for hours at a time and we decided to meet today.. He drove 8 hours to see me and we arranged we would meet at a coffee shop at 2pm.

He calls me and tells me he drove all night to see me and he arrived at 7am. I had things on in the morning and wasn't able to leave to see him straight away, I did cancel some appointments and was in a hurry to try to see him earlier. I get an angry call from him at 11:45am asking how much longer I'll be and where I am, I said I am leaving in 30 to 45 mins and I will see him soon.

15 mins later he calls again and starts shouting at me saying I am playing games with him and he is sick of waiting for me and I am playing games with him and he is driving home and forget the coffee date. I managed to calm him down and left what I was doing (was getting my hair done) and yes I left the salon with it half done and went to him immediately.

When I got there he was cold and angry and he said 'you're not what i want, i don't want a woman that takes forever to come to me'. I tried to explain to him we arranged to meet at 2pm and just because he decided to drive all night to see me and arrive early, that was great but I couldn't drop everything to see him.

He was so angry that he was rude to staff as well and he was complaining that the coffee wasn't good and it was cold etc. Everything was bothering him and in the end he just left me there and said he is leaving he is going home. My heart is broken as I spent 4 months getting to know this man, so many hours online and on the phone and this is how it ended.

He said he felt that if i was serious about him I would've arrived within 2 hours of him arriving instead of coming at the time we had both arranged. Am I in the wrong and I messed all this up? Should I have done something different and the outcome would be different?

TLDR: Date arrived in town at 7am for a 2pm date and got angry with me as I didn't come to see him within 2 hours of him arriving. Could I have changed the outcome had I arrived when we he wanted me to rather than when we agreed?

This coffee shop catastrophe isn’t just a bad date—it’s a glaring warning of controlling behavior. The man’s decision to arrive 7 hours early was his own, yet he punished her for sticking to their 2pm plan, revealing a need for control. Her rush to appease him, leaving her hair half-done, shows how quickly pressure can erode boundaries. His tantrum, rude to staff and dismissive of her, screams entitlement, not romance.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, warns, “Contempt and criticism in early interactions are red flags for unhealthy dynamics” (source: Gottman Institute). The man’s anger and blame-shifting align with this, suggesting a pattern—confirmed by his history of failed relationships. Studies show 70% of controlling behaviors in dating emerge within the first few months, often as tests of compliance (source: Psychology Today). His demand for an earlier meeting wasn’t devotion; it was a power play.

This ties to a broader issue: early boundary-testing in relationships. His reaction—storming off and devaluing her—shows a lack of respect. Tongue-in-cheek, should she have teleported to him at 7am? Her instinct to explain was fair, but his response proves he’s not open to reason. She’s better off without him, as Reddit agrees, and should block contact to avoid future manipulation.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s squad didn’t hold back, serving up snarky wisdom and red-flag alerts with a side of humor. Here’s a peek at their bold takes, roasting this guy’s tantrum to a crisp.

freddibed − Respectfully, why would you want a

sanguinare12 − Is he f**king insane? Yes. Are you? Hopefully not, but ignoring some g**damn obvious warning signs about this guy isn't speaking in you favor. The next time someone pulls absolute b**lshit and then spins the blame around on you, pay more attention.

ShinyArtist − I wouldn’t have cancel my plans for him. He knew the plan was to meet at 2, and I would have reminded him of that. He was testing you. Testing how submissive and easy to control you are. How easy it is to make you drop your work, friends and family for him, to isolate you.

I wouldn’t be surprised if messages you again after punishing you for a while with silent treatment, and gives you unrealistic rules and expectations that would serve him. Block him to make sure he doesn’t do that.

necromorti − RED FLAG ALERT! I REPEAT! RED FLAG ALERT! That guy instead of sightseeing, relaxing, resting, doing something with himself, took it out on you. That is first red flag. Another one is that he used his frustration on poor staff. And on you which makes it third red flag.

spatuladracula − Be prepared for him to love bomb you now that you're back to being long distance. You saw who he is and need to remember that, not the person he pretends to be through text/calls. Honestly best to go no contact when dealing with people like this, good luck and stay safe!

Icy-Yogurtcloset1377 − He's being completely unreasonable! You had scheduled a date for 2pm and you planed on being there on time. It's his effing problem he decided to change his plans without telling you. Honestly, I think it was a power play: he hoped you had things planed and wanted to make you cancel them.

When he realised he couldn't control you, he snapped. In the future, you really shouldn't drop anything to go see a man who's apparently furious AT YOU because of something HE DID. He doesn't sound safe to be around... definitely more dangerous than a 🐻...

Putasonder − Your heart is broken? Over a four month “chat” on the internet with a man that turned out to be a 52 year old blowhard toddler pitching a tantrum?. Holy crap you dodged a bullet. This man was a giant red flag in human form. This is cause for celebration! Go outside and twirl around in the sunlight, secure in the knowledge that you lost *nothing* worth having.. 

[Reddit User] − I’m asking you sincerely: Why can’t you see that this man is a l**atic? Why would you drop everything and respond positively to this very literally insane behavior? Why are you letting a stranger talk to you that way? He is unhinged! You had made a plan. Meet at 2pm. He chose to drive all night and arrive hours early. Don’t be heart broken. He’s not well and possibly dangerous.

NeighborhoodSuper592 − is he nuts? 7 hours early . dodge that bullet

a_raptor_dick − It’s wild to me that at 52 years old he still behaves like that.

These Reddit gems are spicy, but do they nail the truth, or are they just armchair critics? They rally behind her, urging her to dodge this bullet and dance away from drama.

This tale of a wayward date and a coffee shop meltdown proves that red flags can crash even the sweetest plans. She held to their agreed time, and Reddit’s cheers affirm her right to boundaries. But it leaves us wondering: when does eagerness cross into control? Dating thrives on mutual respect, not tantrums. What would you do if a date flipped out over your schedule? Spill your thoughts below—keep it real and let’s stir this pot!

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