AITA for altering a bridesmaid dress so it’s not so revealing?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a whirlwind of wedding plans, a 60-year-old woman found herself at odds with her brother’s young bride over a daring bridesmaid dress. Touched to be included in the bridal party, she was stunned by the choice—a clingy, plunging gown better suited to twentysomethings than a grandmotherly figure. Her discreet alterations to make it more modest sparked a fiery fallout, costing her a spot in the wedding and stirring family tension. Now, with her brother giving her the cold shoulder, Reddit’s abuzz with debate.

The clash, set against a backdrop of generational divides and a significant age gap between the groom and bride, raises thorny questions about respect and compromise. Was her decision to tweak the dress a reasonable stand for comfort, or did it cross a line in the bride’s vision? Let’s unravel this sartorial saga that’s left a family frayed.

‘AITA for altering a bridesmaid dress so it’s not so revealing?’

My brother Joe (55M) is about to marry Sue (27F). A few months ago Sue asked both me (60F) and my sister June (53F) to be bridesmaids. I was touched, as I have only met Sue a few times (they live in another state). Besides myself and June, there are four other bridesmaids, all under 30. When Sue sent me the link for the bridesmaid dress, I was horrified.

I’m sure the dress will look lovely on her young friends, but I would not want to be seen wearing it in public. It’s super sexy - plunging neckline, thigh-high slit, so c**ngy that it would reveal every lump on my rump. Please understand that I am not a prude. I am reasonably fit, and I enjoy dressing up, but I AM 60 yrs old.

I would not be comfortable showing that much skin at a formal event with all of our relatives present. I called Sue and nicely asked if there’s a more modest version I could wear. She insisted this was the dress she wanted all her bridesmaids in. She wouldn’t budge, and not wanting to cause family strife, I didn’t push it. (June doesn't like it either, but she's a marathon runner so she can pull it off!)

So I ordered the dress several sizes too large. I took it to a seamstress and had her take it in so it fits, but doesn't cling so tightly to my backside. Using some of the extra fabric she fixed the neckline so it doesn’t reveal so much boobage. And she lowered the height of the thigh slit to a few inches above my knee, rather than nearly to my panties.

The adjustments are very subtle and hardly noticeable. It actually looks great on me now. When Sue heard I’d had the dress altered, she flew into a rage! She texted me that she does not want a “chopped up dress” in her wedding pictures. I sent her photos of me wearing it, but she’s not having it.

Joe called and told me that I’ve been “disinvited” from the wedding party, and they have replaced me with another friend. I thought they didn’t want me at the wedding at all, so I cancelled my hotel reservation (I hadn’t bought my plane ticket yet). Clearly I’ve upset Sue, and I don’t want there to be conflict on her big day.

Plus, I’m afraid there would be awkward questions about why my sister is a bridesmaid and I am not. It seems to me it would be less awkward for them to respond to any questions about me with vague “she was unable to make the trip” answers. I’m also not keen on spending more money on this event where I don’t really feel welcome. I’ve already dropped several hundred on the dress, alterations, and matching shoes. 

I let Joe know I still am very happy for him and will of course send them a generous wedding gift. But he said they DID want me there, and now he’s not speaking to me at all, and Sue is telling June that I “ruined” her wedding. AITA for altering the dress so I wouldn’t feel n**ed? And once that blew up, for not wanting to go to the wedding?

This wedding wardrobe clash is a classic case of mismatched expectations in a high-stakes family event. The woman’s alterations aimed to preserve her dignity at 60, while the bride’s insistence on uniformity prioritized her vision over comfort. Both have valid points, but the bride’s explosive reaction and the brother’s silence escalated a solvable issue into a family rift.

Wedding planner Elaine Swann, etiquette expert, notes in her book Let Crazy Be Crazy, “Weddings amplify emotions, but compromise is key to keeping the day about love, not control.” The woman’s attempt to negotiate a modest dress was rebuffed, leaving her with few options. Her subtle alterations respected the dress’s spirit, but bypassing the bride’s approval breached wedding etiquette.

Generational differences in style are common. A 2023 Brides.com survey found that 45% of bridesmaids over 50 request dress modifications for modesty, often clashing with younger brides. The age gap between the 55-year-old groom and 27-year-old bride likely heightened sensitivities, framing the woman’s choice as defiance.

For resolution, Swann suggests open dialogue post-conflict. The woman could attend the wedding to support her brother, clarifying her intent wasn’t to undermine the bride. A heartfelt note to the couple, paired with couples’ mediation if tensions persist, might mend ties.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s comment section is a lively mix of cheers for standing firm and raised eyebrows at the wedding’s dynamics. Here’s a glimpse at the community’s colorful takes—get ready for some spice! These Reddit hot takes are bold, but do they stitch together a solution for this family feud? Let’s see!

UnfairEntrance159 − NTA. Sue's acting like you ruined your dress completely, even though you paid a professional. Also the age gap between the

Miserable_Dentist_70 − Honestly your mistake was letting anyone know you did it.. NTA, the whole bride me me me thing makes me want to vomit.

ABeerAndABook − ESH.  I knew we were in for a ride with the 55 year old groom and 27 year old bride and this did not disappoint.  I feel like these dresses either skew super fancy or super trashy and I have a theory on which end of the spectrum they fall. Regardless, the bride is acting a little over controlling here and Joe is enabling the vengeful crazy.

OP asked for a reasonable accommodation and they went nuclear. OP is being an AH to themself by still sending a

AdmirableCost5692 − the real question here: why the f**k is a 55 year old man marrying a 27yr old?. and why is OP OK with it? I would be disowning my brothers if either of them pulled that s**t ... after of course giving them a very large piece of my mind and probably a kick to the backside

StAlvis − ESH. Joe (55M). Sue (27F). Eww. She insisted this was the dress she wanted all her bridesmaids in. She wouldn’t budge, and not wanting to cause family strife, I didn’t push it.. Your option here is: Drop out.. Either be a bridesmaid and wear what the bridesmaids wear, or **don't**.. The adjustments are very subtle and hardly noticeable.. Ultimately, not *your* call.

rockology_adam − This one's tough, because both parties are a little out of line, but the balance is way off. NTA, but let's start with you. Altering the dress without checking with the bride first was a misstep. Frankly, the conversation when the dress came out should have been

However, for all that it's the bride's special day, it's also the groom's, and I assume that's why you were made a bridesmaid. I guess it's nice that Sue was cool with your 60yo self in that dress, but that's hardly her call to force you to do it, especially since you're there to rep your brother and not her.

I'm sure your brother is a pushover for her regarding the wedding, but earlier timing on this conversation would have saved you the cost of alterations at least, and you'd still be going to the wedding. But Sue's overreaction to something uncomfortable for you that she wants to force you to do is where she loses.

All of the best weddings I've ever been to have had some subtle changes to bridesmaid gowns to accommodate body types and comfort levels. It's pretty telling that Sue cares more about the dress being in the pictures than she cares about you being in the pictures. Does it warrant a skip of the wedding? That depends on what number marriage it is for your brother and whether you like Sue, outside of the wedding, or not.

Like every other commenter, I see the age gap and I have questions. I don't think they are worth skipping over. Do you want to be supportive of your brother in this large event? That's the only question you need to answer. Are you close? Are you expected? Is he expecting you, or just other family members?. What are you going to tell people who ask YOU what happened in two or three months?

eeva916 − INFO - OP can you PLEASE link the original dress

Cultural_Section_862 − You're happy for you brother marrying someone half his age?

FreeContest8919 − Marry a child, expect childish behavior. You did the right thing.

magog12 − NTA because of age difference, this marriage won't last. in ten years your brother will be retiring and she will be in her late 30s. Catch the next one.

This bridesmaid dress debacle is a vivid reminder that weddings can unravel more than just a hemline when expectations clash. The woman’s bid for modesty collided with a bride’s vision, leaving her sidelined and a family divided. Was she right to alter the dress, or should she have bowed out gracefully? Would you attend a wedding where you felt unwelcome? Drop your thoughts, stories, or advice in the comments—let’s tailor a fix for this tangled family thread!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *