AITA for backing out of my cousins wedding as a photographer and a guest?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a wedding day, brimming with joy, until a cousin’s last-minute decision upends months of trust. For a photographer, whom we’ll call Jamie, the sting of their cousin hiring a rival shooter weeks before the big day feels like a professional slap. Booked since last August, Jamie backs out of shooting the May wedding and, in frustration, decides to skip the event entirely, leaving family ties strained.

Shared on Reddit’s AITA forum, Jamie’s story sparks a lively debate about respect, professionalism, and family obligations. With the cousin pushing for two competing photographers to capture her day, Jamie’s exit raises a thorny question: is walking away from both the job and the celebration justified, or a bridge too far? Let’s dive into this blend of family drama and workplace ethics.

‘AITA for backing out of my cousins wedding as a photographer and a guest?’

I was hired by my cousin to shoot her wedding (I was confirmed since August of last year, wedding is in may of this year). Now as we are weeks away from her wedding she informs me she has hired another photographer from another company and she would love for me and my team to work beside them and hopefully understand their vibe.

This all started when the guest count for her ceremony and reception went up to number that would require me to bring someone from my team. When she informed me the guest count went up I told her I’d find a second photographer to assist me. She instead found another photographer (who is the main photographer of their respected company).

I tried to explain to her hows it’s my responsibility to find a second photographer to shoot under me. Her response was “that’s fine, I’d now have 2 different types of edits for my wedding, 2 different styles”. I didn’t agree with that and tried to explain the difference of hiring 2 separate companies for the same purpose as opposed to 1 company with 2 photographers.

I backed out and told her to stick to the other company she booked. Given my frustration I have decided to not attend the wedding at all. (My cousin doesn’t know this part). If you’re hiring me and my services you should trust me to handle the sourcing of a second photographer and be happy with my colors and style…

Jamie’s withdrawal from their cousin’s wedding highlights the friction between family ties and professional boundaries. Business coach Marie Forleo notes, “mixing family and work demands clear communication to avoid eroded trust” source: marie forleo. The cousin’s unilateral hiring of a rival photographer undermined Jamie’s role, ignoring their expertise and agreed-upon contract, a move that feels personal and professional.

A 2023 study in the journal of business ethics found that 60% of professionals working with family report conflicts due to unclear roles or disregarded agreements source: springer. Jamie’s cousin, treating them as family first and professional second, bypassed consultation, creating a competitive dynamic that could compromise the wedding’s cohesion, as two photographers vie for shots.

Forleo suggests setting firm boundaries early. Jamie’s exit as photographer was sound, protecting their reputation, but skipping the wedding risks deeper family rifts. Attending as a guest, with a clear explanation of their professional stance, could maintain ties while reinforcing respect for their craft, balancing personal connection with workplace dignity.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s posse leapt into Jamie’s wedding saga like a crew swapping tales at a reunion, blending support with cautious advice, as if weighing a delicate family recipe. They dissected the cousin’s overreach and Jamie’s drastic choice with equal parts empathy and scrutiny:

PlantManMD − If she wants to pay 2 photographers to shoot the entire wedding, that's her choice. She's only going to buy final product from one, so make sure your photographer's fee takes that into account. If you don't want to compete, say no.

elguapo1996 − Nothing like looking through wedding photos and seeing another photographer taking photos in the background.

rockology_adam − NTA for backing out as the photographer, but if that aspect was a business decision, which is how you framed it above, then it should not affect your wedding attendance. I still won't give you the A-hole here, because your cousin/client is out of line for booking the second company before consulting you, and you have every right to be offended by that.

But I also don't think skipping the wedding is the right choice here unless you are intending to burn bridges. It is still your call whether to go or not, but this is just a great case study in why having professional client relationships with family and friends is generally a bad idea.

She sees you as family first and photographer second (or fifth), so you get less respect than an unrelated professional, both in terms of practice and time. Also, money, since a deposit is not mentioned, so I assume one was not collected here. If you don't think you could stand to see her, then skip the wedding,

but if you're not intending to pick a fight here, I would go and enjoy myself. Say some pleasantries, enjoy the dinner, revel in the fact that you don't have to lug camera equipment around and can actually spend a few minutes talking to the aunts and cousins and nephews who haven't recently offended you.

Snowflake8552 − I got married in Dec 2023 and it was in my contract that I couldn’t hire another (2nd) photographer. When I first read it, I thought to myself “there’s no way people actually do that” but alas, I clearly was wrong. I would say, I completely understand your grief… HOWEVER, I do want to point something out here…

Now I can’t tell how close you two are from this story- but she will probably never forgive you for not attending, or it will at least permanently damage your relationship. So if you’re not okay with that, I would reconsider attending. My older brother did not attend my wedding, nor would he allow his daughters to be part of it because he is nocontact with my mom and other brother. And I’m not going to lie, we will never be friends like we were prior. So just something to think about.

extinct_diplodocus − NTA. She never should have hired another photographer without consulting you. If you stayed, you'd be competing for the standard wedding shots rather than coordinating with a photographer you added. It's easy to see why you'd wish to remove yourself entirely from this clusterf. Do let her know in advance that you find yourself unable to attend due to a replacement and conflicting photo shoot.

MoomahTheQueen − She simply doesn’t understand or care to understand the dynamics. You’ve made the right decision to not be involved in the photography. Are you sure you really won’t attend? You might feel more generous come Maya

lifetimechronicles − This is absolutely insane for her to expect you to do this! I'm not a photographer, but this is just sheer disrespect to think you would have 2 main photographers from 2 different companies. I think she took a look at their style and liked their style as well. And somehow thought you could work together.

Of course you'd be competing with the same shots. That sounds like a logistical nightmare. She had no idea what hell that would be for her as a bride. You did the honorable and respectable thing by backing out. And I too would be turned off from going to the wedding after all this mayhem. This is not ok.

still_fkntired − It doesn’t sound as though she doesn’t trust you, she doesn’t trust the assistant and I can understand that. I didn’t see mention of her paying you less because she hired a second photographer. It sounds like she is covering both your bases and I can respect that. This is a big day for her.

ThatOneGirlyx05 − NTA. I think. You told her that you would find a second photographer to help you and your team, she should have left it to you. Not everyone meshes well together and not all photographers think alike. You can't just throw in a bunch and hope for the best. I do think not going at all is extreme since it was you who technically backed out and you weren't fired. Did you sign a contract at least since you've been booked so long? Are you getting compensated for the planning and the time spent mapping out everything?

Primary-Friend-7615 − Based on your comments, she violated the contract she signed with you. Therefore you are no longer her photographer, and are NTA for not continuing to do business with someone who has no respect for the legal agreements she made. End of story. As to going to the wedding itself… I wouldn’t skip it out of embarrassment, because you did nothing wrong.

And you can explain to anyone asks why you’re not the photographer, that “unfortunately Sally couldn’t keep to the contract so you’re just a guest - but at least you’ll get to enjoy the wedding more!” But if you were mostly only going _because_ she asked you to photograph it, and are not close otherwise, then I think it’s fine to pass - it’s an invitation, not a summons, as I hear so often here.

These Redditors rallied behind Jamie’s professional pride but urged caution on burning family bridges, painting a nuanced picture of loyalty tested by disrespect. Their takes remind us that family gigs come with strings, and cutting them can echo beyond one event.

Jamie’s exit from their cousin’s wedding lays bare the tightrope of mixing family and work. Backing out as photographer defends their craft, but skipping the day altogether risks a lasting family chill. Have you ever walked away from a family commitment over a breach of trust? How would you balance professional pride with cousinly bonds? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this tangled wedding tale!

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